Little Dragon
by Kaeera
Summary: Daisuke's faces tragedy in his own family but won't accept any help. How long can he cope on his own? Complete.
1. Little Dragon, make me proud

**Disclaimer:** This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

**Genre:** Tragedy/Drama

**Rating:** PG-13

**Criticism**: Always welcome, as long as it's constructive.

**Summary:** "In order to keep sane, I need to continue pretending. Because otherwise, my whole world would fall apart…" (Daisuke-centric)

**Warning:** Ehh…not beta-read. I could need a beta-reader, so whoever is willing and has time…send me and e-mail or tell me in your review! Thanks.

**Notes:** The idea for this fanfic has been in my head for quite a while now, and I finally started writing it down. Daisuke is, of course, the main character (what did you expect?), but this time, Jun has amajor role as well, simply because I like her.

Why the title? This will become clearer in the later chapters, so be patient. ;P

Now please bear in mind that I am living and working in Australia right now (for those of you who don't know it yet, I'm from Germany and English is my second language - which explains the mistakes here and then). I don't have access to a computer on a regular basis and updates can vary, depending on my time and mood. I always try my best, and I promise you that, but usually, I'm not a very quick writer.However, reviews tend to help...

Enjoy the story!

* * *

**Little Dragon**

by Kaeera

**Chapter One: Little Dragon, make me proud**

_I always thought that my sister was strong. But when I saw here for the first time in the doctor's office, so small and pale, I realized that this wasn't true. She wasn't strong at all. Never was. _

_Neither am I. We are all just pretending, for the sake of others and for the sake of ourselves._

_In order to keep sane, I need to continue pretending. Because otherwise, my whole world would fall apart – and I couldn't bear that._

_Daisuke's Notes

* * *

_

"Daisuke, are you alright?" The worried voice interrupted his thoughts, and he blinked. For a moment, greyness had penetrated his vision.

"Duh." The brown-haired boy made a face and shook his head. "Yeah…yeah, I'm fine."

Takeru regarded him with a mixture of concern and amusement on his face. "You were kinda spacing out."

Daisuke smiled weakly. "I didn't sleep very well last night."

Hikari, who was busily devouring her lunch, sent him a scolding glance. "You shouldn't play so many computer games at night, Davis."

He laughed meekly. "Ah, yes, I know, but I simply couldn't stop…"

The two sighed in unison. "Davis…what shall we do with you? The exams are starting in two weeks, and you still haven't studied anything. Aren't they important to you?"

"They are." His smile never wavered, but his insides were breaking. "Just not as important as they are to you guys. And I _have_ been studying!"

Not wanting to discuss this topic any further, he looked down at his lunch. Kitsune Udon, usually his favourite, but he didn't feel hungry today. In fact, he had stopped feeling hungry a long time ago. He was just eating because his body needed food.

Of course, he didn't tell that the others. No, he didn't want to worry them. They had enough on their plates with the approaching exams – the final exams of high-school, and therefore very important, since they would decide about their future universities and therefore careers. And it wasn't true that he didn't care. Hell, he wanted to do well in these exams, more than ever!

And he had studied, quite a lot…but he couldn't let the others know this as well, for this wasn't like his usual behaviour and it would make them worry and ask questions.

Daisuke couldn't need questions right now.

Feeling tired, he managed to gulp down a spoonfull of the soup. His stomach clenched together. How was he supposed to eat the whole bowl? He didn't feel hungry, not at all…all he wanted to do was go home and curl up in his bed. But that wasn't an option.

The others chatted happily among each other, whilst Daisuke stared off into space. Normally, he would join in the conversation, but today he simply couldn't muster up the energy.

He _had_ stayed up late, but not because he had been playing computer games. His console was, in fact, collecting dust, because he hadn't played a single game during the last few weeks.

No, he had visited Jun and then he had been unable to sleep because…because he needed to sort out his thoughts, and then his parents were screaming again and he had tried not to listen, but it was impossible, and so…and so he had ended up crying and writing down notes.

Writing down what he thought had become an important part of Daisuke's life. Since he could tell nobody what was happening, his notebook was his only friend. And it was then, when he was sitting at his desk, that he could write down all the things that haunted him at night, everything that had happened, and all the sadness which made it more difficult to smile with each passing day.

The bell rang, and he nearly jumped up. The bowl of soup was still standing in front of him – untouched and cold by now – which made Takeru glance at him in surprise. "Aren't you hungry? Normally, no food is safe from you!"

"Well," he laughed sheepishly and put a hand behind his head. "Actually, I went to the supermarket before and bought quite a few sweets, so I'm not hungry anymore."

Hikari rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Davis, you're old enough to know that this is not healthy."

Daisuke grinned widely. "I know. But I simply couldn't resist – they had this special offer of…"

"Yeah, yeah, I don't want to hear it." Takeru waved it off good-naturedly. "Sometimes I think that you're a wandering stomach."

The tanned boy looked indignant. "Hey. At least I'm a good-looking stomach!"

Hikari and Takeru laughed, while Daisuke breathed an inward sigh of relief. _Phew… rescued._He hated lying to his friends, but he really was running out of ideas how to evade their questions. So he continued to make jokes while they headed back to their classrooms.

The Kitsune Udon remained untouched on the table.

* * *

_Pretending is an important part of everyone's life. We are pretending that we are nice, clever, smart, or self-confident…while in fact, everybody is haunted by his or her own fears._

_Sometimes, I am pretending to be strong. Because I realized that when I pretend to be strong – pretend it for the sake of others, because they are relying on me – then I actually **am** strong.Pretending can change you and the world around you._

_So maybe…maybe if I pretend that everything is fine, maybe then everything will come back to normal. Yeah. I just pretend that I am still the same Daisuke and that Jun is still the annoying sister I once knew._

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

Focusing on the classes became more difficult with each passing day. He really wanted to pay attention, but how was he supposed to listen when his mind drifted off all the time… 

Daisuke sat in Math, staring at the black board, where the teacher had written an exercise, trying to make sense of the numbers. He had studied yesterday, had stayed up until eleven clock and tried to get these things right, but now everything was forgotten.

Frustrated, he looked at his empty sheet and then at Takeru's, who had nearly finished solving the question. _Do it_, he told himself fiercely, _you promised_!

And so he calculated, wrote, rubbed out, wrote again, until finally his whole sheet was full. Daisuke felt exhausted, but he was proud. He had done it all by himself, and he had come to a solution. Now he only had to hope that his solution was right.

He glanced at the blackboard and his face fell.

Wrong. The solution was wrong.

Tears sprang into his eyes and he blinked them back. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair! He made so much effort and still he was unable to get the equations right. How was he ever supposed to pass his exams like that?

He had promised that he'd give his best, but it seemed as if his best wasn't good enough.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. "Don't give up," he whispered to himself. "It only means that I have to study more."

The idea made him feel sick. It meant that he would have to skip soccer practise, the only thing that made him feel normal right now. The only time during the week when he could forget what was happening. But, as he told himself, it only was for a few weeks, until the exams were over. Only a few weeks. He could do that. He was strong.

_little dragon_

_come flying, come with me_

_stretch your wings and hold your breath_

"Yay! I am so proud of myself!" Hikari announced and stretched her arms. "I solved it all by myself and the result was correct! At least all the studying is paying off."

"Good for you," Takeru agreed cheerfully. "I had it wrong the first time, but then I found my mistake and calculated again. Guess what, I mixed up a one and a seven!"

Hikari turned towards Daisuke, who was walking with them, backpack slung loosely over his shoulder. "What about you, Davis?" she asked kindly, well aware of the boy's hatred towards math.

He sighed. "I had the wrong result again."

"Oh." She looked disappointed. "Well, maybe it will work better next time."

"Yes." Diaukse replied grimly. "It has to."

Hikari blinked, surprised to hear him speak so seriously. Usually, exams and tests didn't matter to Daisuke. He had failed so many of them that he had gotten used to it by now, and usually he took it with good humour.

"Are you alright?"

He flashed her a quick smile. "Of course I am. I'm just determinded to do better the next time. I want to get it right at least once, so that I can boast to my sister about it."

Takeru laughed. "Of course. Math was her worst subject, wasn't it?"

"Oh, she wasn't bad at it, you know – actually she was quite good, she only played stupid so that the boys would help her solve the questions. You know Jun." Daisuke grinned. "She's always disappointed that I haven't inherited her skills for the subject." He flashed them a victory sign. "Sorry guys, I have to go now – the principal wants to talk to me again."

"Don't do anything stupid!" Takeru shouted after the retreating boy and received a smile in return.

Hikari watched Daisuke suspicously. She couldn't help it, but to her, the smile had looked a little bit strained. Forced. As if he desperately wanted them to believe that everything was okay. As if he was hiding something.

…But what?

* * *

_It all started…I don't know how long ago. Jun came home from the hospital because she had cut her arm during class, but what they told us was far more serious. Suddenly, everything changed. It came so quickly that I couldn't believe what was happening. From one moment to the next, my perfect little life was shattering to pieces. And there was nothing I could do against it. Absolutely nothing._

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

When Daisuke came home, he flopped down on the couch and hid his head in his hands. Nobody was at home, as usual during these days. His parents would either be at the hospital, at work or somewhere else…he suspected that they were hiding. Coming home was too painful for them, not with Jun's room so empty… 

And so it was that the leader of the Chosen found himself alone nearly every day. Not entirely alone, of course. Veemon was still there. His faithful digimon partner would never abandon him, even in a time like this. Right now, said digimon was worriedly bringing him a coke. "Here, drink, Davis." He whispered. "You look weary."

"I am weary." Daisuke admitted, but took the soft drink graciously. "It was a long day."

"How did the math test go?"

The boy sighed. "Not good. I have to study more. I think I will skip soccer practise for the next few weeks."

"Davis…" Veemon started, for he knew how important soccer was to his partner. But Daisuke simply shook his head.

"No. The exams are more important. I promised Jun. I can't let her down, not now. Not when they don't know how much longer…" he looked away, trying to hide the tears in his eyes.

"You should tell them." The digimon said softly. "I'm sure they will understand. They are your friends, they will help you. You don't need to bear this all alone."

Daisuke laughed hoarsely. "Tell them what? That my sister is dying? That she's in the hospital and dying, right in front of my very eyes?" He sobbed freely now, covering his eyes with his hands. "I could never tell them that, never. I don't want them to worry, they've got enough on their minds with the exams. Besides, Jun wouldn't want me to tell them. You know her, she hates how she's…how she's fading…and I need to be strong for her, I need to pretend. How can I do that when my friends know what's happening?"

He shook his head again, this time more forcefully. "No, Veemon. I can't tell them, not now. I would break down if I told them, and I cannot do that."

"But you are dying inside." Veemon stated, eyes full of concern.

Daisuke was once again surprised how deceptive the digimon could be. He was the only one who could see right through Daisuke's façade, and sometimes he found that quite scary. "I'm strong." He whispered. "I have to be strong."

There was a determinded line around his jaw.

"And now I am going to study. I can't break my promise, you know." The boy went to his room, coke forgotten on the table.

Veemon followed him obediently. "Don't you want to eat something?"

"I'm not hungry." Came the distant reply, and then Daisuke was already hunched over his books, a sight that used to be rare, but was getting more common these days.

_'Promise me…promise me that you are going to be good in your exams. I want to be proud of you.' She had said, with a sad flicker in her eyes. And Daisuke had nodded, had smiled and had given her the thumps-up. 'Of course, I'm going to be the best, just for you.' _

A promise was a promise after all, and he was determinded to keep it, even if it meant doing the thing he hated the most. Studying. Sitting still. Reading books. Concentrating.

It wasn't easy for him, but he did it, because he had promised, and because he loved his sister, as annoying and weird she could be at times.

* * *

_Illnesses are something that happens to other people. It never occurred to me that somebody I know…somebody I care for… could be victim of a life-threatening illness. But the resultats were genuine, and we could see it, could see her getting weaker. _

_At first, she stayed at home, but the visits to the doctor became more frequent. Then she had to drop out of school, because it was too stressful for her. And then came the day when the doctor announced that she had to stay in the hospital. _

_I nearly cried that day. _

_But I didn't. How could I? It was hard enough for her without seeing how distressed her little brother was. So I teased her and made jokes that she could flirt with all the doctors now as long as she wanted. And even though she was small and pale, she played along and for a moment, we were able to be normal again, just Daisuke and Jun, nothing else. _

_But then the nurse came and gave her an injection, and I realized once again where I was. I never was in the hospital before, with exception of the day where I broke my wrist during practise, but now I'm all familiar there. I know the nurses, I know the doctors, because I'm there nearly everyday, visiting my sister, trying to make it easier for her, trying to be **there**. _

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

Hospitals. How he hated them. Hated them with a passion, for they seemed to be the very reason that his sister was being taken away from him. 

Of course, this was a silly thought and he knew that. The hospital was there to help his sister. Still, everytime he approached the huge building, he couldn't help feeling hatred towards it. It was easier to hate the hospital. There was nobody to blame, nobody to hate, for how could one hate an illness?

Daisuke knew that he was being irrational, but sometimes it helped to give the building a deft kick. Just because. To vent anger and frustration. After all, it didn't hurt the building and he felt better afterwards.

He was standing in front of her room, bracing himself. Each time, he had to prepare himself mentally before he entered the room. He had to be strong, he had to pretend. Tears weren't allowed, no. Instead, he would tell jokes, would laugh, would play the innocent little brother and would show nothing of the pain he felt.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. "Heya sister!" he announced cheerfull and waltzed right into the room, as if he didn't care that he was in a hospital. "What have you been up to while I was being bored at school? Anything interesting?"

Jun turned towards him and smiled. Daisuke was once again shocked how small and fragile she looked. Her hair was becoming thinner; in the past, it head been a big bunch of spiky locks, like his own hair, but now there were only a few strands, hangin down into her face. Jun herself was thin as well – he could actually see the bones of her shoulders – and her skin was pale.

Yet she was smiling, and there was the same old sparkle in her eyes. "Well, there is this new apprentice doctor and I tell you, he's got the most handsome looks you can imagine…" she gushed, sounding so very much like her old self that Daisuke had to laugh.

"If I were you, I'd stop trying – I doubt that he'd want to go on a date with you." Daisuke grinned. "You being a weirdo and all that."

"Says who?" Jun's eyes twinkled. "May I remind you, my dear little brother, that you've yet failed to get a date yourself?"

"Yeah, but only because I haven't tried yet."

"Ah-Ah." She wagged her finger. "What about Hikari?"

Daisuke blushed. "That's a different matter."

"Ha, I bet you asked her and she said no!"

The boy looked at her indigantly. "I haven't asked her yet."

Veemon, who had been looking around the room in search for food, came to the bed. "Yeah, but he'd like to."

That comment earned him a glare from Daisuke. "Traitor!"

"Ohh, that's nice!" Jun clapped her hands together. "My itsy-bitsy Davishy is growing up, how cuuute!"

He simply rolled his eyes at her silly antics. "Yeah, whatever."

It was one of their rituals. They would both talk and fight as if nothing had happened. It made it easier for Daisuke and he suspected that the same was true for Jun. They had never been a very touchy family, and it was better to tease each other than to approach more serious subjects.

_Like my sister dying, for example._

"So, how was your day?" He asked, pointedly ignoring Jun's begging eyes. Since she was in the hospital, she had taken an immense interest in her brother's love life, apparantly keen on getting him together with a girl. Since she liked this topic so much, Daisuke never told her that he wouldn't go on a date, even if Hikari came to his door with a bouquet of roses. Not now. Not when Jun was in hospital. How could he?

But she wanted him to enjoy his life, to go out with his friends, so he kept his mouth shut.

"Same old, same old." Jun sighed. "Doctors poking needles in my veins, nurses visiting, crappy hospital food and nothing decent on TV."

"At least you don't have to study for the exams." Daisuke sat down on a chair. "I'm getting sick of sitting over the books the whole day."

"They'll be over sooner than you think." Jun said and something else shone in her eyes. "Make me proud, Dai-chan."

He fidgeted in his chair. "You know that I'm not really good at doing this stuff…"

"Don't talk like that." Her face was stern. "You are as smart as the other kids, you only need to pull yourself together."

"I try…" Silence stretched between them. It was always like that. They would talk about usual stuff, normal stuff and then, when they came closer to what they were fearing, they stopped. Daisuke found himself unable to address his sister. How was he supposed to do that? 'Jun, I don't want you to die' ? That would be quite tactless.

On the other hand, she was always talking as if…as if she would be gone soon, and the boy hated her for that. Jun couldn't die, no! The doctors would help her, and after all, there was a chance of survival…he wouldn't give up hoping until the very last moment. Because…how was he supposed to live without his sister? How could he bear coming home to an empty apartment? How could he go on with his life while such an important part was missing?

Jun and Daisuke had never been actually close, but there was no need for that. They were siblings, after all; the other one was always there. Jun had been annoying most of the times, occupying the TV when he wanted to play games, stealing his cookies and making jokes about his non-existent lovelife. Still, she was his sister and deep down, he loved her dearly. How could he lose her? It just…shouldn't be.

"Where are Mom and Dad?" He asked, changing the topic.

Jun sighed. "They visited during lunch time, but they went back to work. They promised me to come around later this evening."

"Oh." His parents were taking it even worse than he. Or so he thought, for he didn't see them very often and if he saw them, they were fighting with each other.

"I'd better go soon. I've still got homework to do. And study." Daisuke gazed at the hospital room. During the last weeks, they had tried to make it as much of a home as it could be. Posters of Jun's favourite rock bands were hanging on the wall; near her bed was a CD-Player and a stack of her most favourite CDs, and there were magazines and books distributed over the whole room.

But all these things couldn't hide the fact that it was still a hospital room, with all the hospital equipment attached to Jun's body.

"Yes." The girl smiled softly. "I know. You don't really need to visit me every day, Davis. Go out with your friends, enjoy your life." Her smile wavered and for a short moment it looked as if she was going to start crying. "I so would like to go out and sit in the sunshine for a bit, before I…"

It took all of Daisuke's strength to keep himself together, otherwise he would have started crying as well. "Well, I promise that we both will enjoy the sunshine as much as you want when you're healthy again. Don't be silly."

They both knew that he was lying through his teeth, but they both were afraid to show it.

And so Jun wiped the tears away. "Yes. I'm sorry. I'm being silly. I really don't like this place, you know."

"I know." Daisuke whispered. "But you will be out of it soon."

He took a deep breath. "I have to go now. See ya tomorrow…and don't do anything stupid while I'm not here."

"Doing stupid things is your job." She called after him.

Daisuke just grinned at her and closed the door when he left the room. He stood there for a while, staring at the ground of the hallway and then started crying.

The sobs tore the heart of a nurse who stood there, watching him, but there was nothing she could do. Every day, young Motomiya Daisuke would visit his sister; and every day, he would leave the room crying. This was the only moment when he allowed himself to show weakness, when he let his guard down, because it simply became too much for him to bear.

Usually his digimon would be there, trying to comfort him, but even the little creature couldn't do much, for he was troubled by the circumstances as well. It was a heart-breaking sight.

* * *

_I think the worst part is the fading. To visit her every day and to see how she becomes weaker and weaker, without me being able to do anything against it. I'm a fighter; I'm used to doing things myself. And seeing her going down like that without being able to help…is the worst thing that ever happened to me. I can see how pale she has become, how frail her body is, but she doesn't want me to know, and so I pretend that she's still the same old Jun, that nothing has changed…_

_But it is a lie and I know it and deep down, this lie is killing me. I don't know if I'll be able to pretend any longer. I have to keep it up until after the exams. Only a few more weeks. I can do it. I have to do it._

_Please. _

_Someone give me strength._

* * *

**To be continued…**


	2. Snippets

**Disclaimer:** This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

**Genre:** Tragedy/Drama

**Rating:** PG-13

**Criticism:** Always welcome, as long as it's constructive.

**Summary:** "In order to keep sane, I need to continue pretending. Because otherwise, my whole world would fall apart…" (Daisuke-centric)

**Warning:** Still not beta-read and therefore full of errors.

**Notes:** Thanks for the reviews, guys! Yes, I know, I only write dramatic stories, but somehow, I can't write anything else. Poor Daisuke, I start to feel sorry for him… This chapter is a bit weird; it jumps back and forth to different persons. I wanted to show little outtakes of the lives of the people before I bring the story, however, I don't know if I managed to do that.

Replies to the reviews are on the bottom.

* * *

**Little Dragon**

_by Kaeera_

**Chapter Two: Snippets**

_

* * *

__Sometimes smiling hurts._

_I want Jun to be happy, so I smile, while in reality, I feel like crying. I can't even remember when I smiled for real the last time. I laugh and make jokes and I'm being silly at school…but it's not real. It's all just acting. I always tell myself that it's only for a short while…that Jun will become healthy again, and then we'll be like before, brother and sister, fighting with each other every single day._

_But then I see her, see how weak she is, and I know that I'm lying to myself, that everything is a big grand lie and in reality, my sister is dying, she is leaving me alone and there is nothing I can do._

_And so I am torn between hope and despair and I don't know what to believe anymore. I just…I just want everything to be normal again.

* * *

_

The alarm-clock rang and he jerked up in surprise. Wha…what was he doing? Why was he sitting at his desk? Daisuke shook his head and stared numbly at the books in front of him. Mathematics. Oh yes. He had studied yesterday, he had done the whole chapter and then he must have fallen asleep.

Veemon was snoring lightly at his feet. Carefully, the boy took a blanket and spread it over his partner. He didn't want to wake the digimon; it was enough if only one of them didn't get enough sleep.

Yawning widely, Daisuke made his way towards the bathroom. The apartment was empty, as always – his parents had already left for work. He was beginning to believe that he lived on his own in these rooms.

"Jeez," he recoiled when he saw his mirror image. The boy in the mirror was pale and had huge rings under his eyes. "I look as if I'm hungover." He sighed and splashed water in his face. Although he was immensely tired, he couldn't go back to sleep – he needed to go to school. Every lesson was crucial for the exams.

"It's only until next week." He told himself." Then the exams will be over and I can relax again. Only a few more days. I can do it."

"Do what?" Veemon popped his head in the bathroom. He blinked a few times, hid a yawn and sent Daisuke a scornful look. "You didn't go to bed last night!"

Daisuke sighed. "I know. I fell asleep on my desk. Made my neck hurt like hell." He grimaced and dried his hands on a towel.

His partner watched him worriedly. "You'll make yourself sick!"

"Nah, I'm fine. I can deal with a little bit less sleep."

"Maybe with a little bit," Veemon became agitated, "But this has been going on for the last few weeks! Davis, you can't keep doing this! You're barely eating or sleeping, you're studying all the time, and…and I haven't seen one real smile on your face for at least a month. It's tearing you apart!"

Daisuke closed his eyes. "No." he whispered. "I'll be fine. Jun'll be fine. It's just…just until next week. A few more days…"

"And then what?" The blue digimon nearly cried. "What will happen after that? Will you tell your friends? Will you talk with somebody else? Because I can't help you anymore, Davis…you're hurting, but you don't let me help you. You bottle your feelings up! We are partners, friends even! Let me comfort you, let me help you!"

"I can't!" was the shouted reply.

"But why?"

"Because…" Daisuke gulped and leaned his head against the mirror. "Because…I will break down. And if I break down, nothing is left, and I won't be able to be there for Jun anymore. She needs me, Veemon, she needs me more than ever. I'm the only one left. Mom and Dad…they don't know how to deal with it. It's as if they are afraid of her, as if she's already dead! I'm the only one who can make her feel like normal…who can make it easier for her, no matter what happens…"

Tears were rolling down his cheeks freely now. "I'm sorry, Veemon. You're my best friend and I trust you with my life. I tell you everything, but I…I cannot stop being strong. Even if I'm just pretending."

"No!" Veemon shook his head. "I can understand why you are doing this, but Davis, how are you going to help Jun if you continue to destroy yourself? Look at you, how much weight you lost! I can't even remember the last time when you had a decent night sleep, and you look so pale and sick all the time…and yet you keep telling your friends that you are okay, that nothing is wrong, but you can't keep it up any longer! Your body will break down…and what then, Davis?"

A stubborn look crossed the boy's face. "I'll deal with it when we come to that point."

"But by then it might be too late! And have you ever thought what your friends will think when they find out?" Frustrated, the digimon balled his fists. "Imagine that…they will wonder why you didn't tell them sooner, and they will be hurt because they are your friends and you didn't trust them. They'd want to help you, and they'd make it easier for you, don't you believe? But you keep pushing them away, for some stupid reason…"

Daisuke threw the towel away. "Stop it!" he yelled, face crunched up in pain. "I can't! Veemon, I can't! So please…just stop it, alright? Nothing you say will change my decision!" Abruptly, he turned around and left the bathroom.

"I can see you fading in front of my very eyes." Veemon called after him, tears in his eyes. "I'm supposed to protect you, but how am I supposed to do that if you won't let me, Davis?"

He didn't receive a reply. After a few more moments of waiting, the digimon slumped together on the ground and started sobbing. Oh, how much he wished for this to be over…somehow. It drove him mad to see his partner like that. It was as if all of sudden someone had sucked all the life-force out of the usually so cheerful boy…and there was nothing he, Veemon, could do!

"I miss you Davis," he choked out between sobs. "I miss you."

* * *

_Sometimes I wonder how I'm ever going to survive this. What if Jun doesn't make it? What if she dies and one day, I'm standing at her grave? What then? Just go back to my normal life?_

_How?_

_I mean, even now I find it hard to walk past her empty room. So if she was dead…no. No. I cannot think of that. Death is not a possibility. She will survive. I'll help her. I believe in her. I'm giving her all my strength._

_Please._

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

Hikari walked to school with a frown on her face. Since yesterday, she hadn't stopped thinking about their begoggled leader. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Daisuke had been acting kind of strange during the last weeks. More distant and not as cheerful as he used to be. 

Maybe he had problems. But why didn't he tell them about them? They usually told each other everything.

The girl decided that she would have to investigate this matter further.

"Morning Hikari!" A cheerful Takeru appeared beside her. "How's it going? It's a shame that we've to stay inside all day when the weather is so beautiful."

"That's true." Wistfully, she looked at the blue sky. Oh, how much she'd rather go and sit in the park right now. Alas, the exams were drawing closer and needed her full attention.

"Takeru…" Hikari began, her voice hesitant. "Do…have you noticed anything strange about Daisuke lately?"

"You mean more strange than usual?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm being serious!"

"Oh. Right." He rubbed his chin, obviously thinking. "Hmm, now that you mention it, he has been kind of subdued lately. Why do you ask?"

"I just have a feeling…that something is not right." The girl shrugged. "I can't explain it, really."

Takeru frowned. "I'll keep my eyes open." He promised.

Hikari smiled. She knew that she could trust her friend. He and Daisuke might fight now and then, but actually, they were quite good friends and respected each other. Maybe she was just imagining things. Maybe it was the stress of the exams. Even Daisuke couldn't escape the building pressure among the students.

Yeah, maybe it was just that.

* * *

_I sit in my room and think: how can anybody smile at a time like this? How can people enjoy themselves while Jun is struggling in the hospital?_

_And then I realize that a few months ago I was doing the same. I was enjoying my life, unaware of all the millions of people who are dying, who are hurting, all the time, every second of their life._

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

"Hey Davis, do you want to come to the park with us?" Takeru shouted. "Just for a quick run before the studying starts again. I'm dying to move my legs!" 

Daisuke scratched his head. "I don't know – there's a lot of homework to be done, and then Ken promised to come over and help me studying."

Takeru stopped and stared at the brown-haired boy. "Are you kidding?" he exclaimed. "Who are you and what have you done with Davis?"

Daisuke felt his face going red. He knew that it was untypical for him – and oh, how much would he have liked to go to the park, just for half an hour! But…but he had promised, and Ken was really going to come over and he had to make sure that he was there so that he wouldn't get suspicious…who knew what his parents might tell him…

He made an attempt to grin. "Yeah, a weird alien has overtaken my brain and meddled with my senses…nah, actually, I promised to be home on time, Mom's cooking a nice dinner for us."

This was at least halfway true. He had promised to be home on time, but not because his mom was cooking dinner, but because they were all having a serious family discussion about Jun's health. About twice a week, Daisuke's father would gather the family (with exception of Jun, of course, who wasn't allowed to leave the hospital) around him and update them on the latest facts. Daisuke was never looking forward to it – the news hadn't been good the last weeks, and he didn't think they'd improve today.

Well, and dinner? He hadn't had a nice homemade dinner for a long, long time.

Takeru looked at him strangely. "Well…I guess I can't keep up with that." He said and frowned. Something was amiss there, but he couldn't place his finger on it. Remembering the conversation in the morning, he sent his friend a worried glance. "Are you alright, Davis?"

"What?" The small boy looked up in surprise, a look of panic in his face. Had he given himself away?

"Sure I'm fine – why are you asking?"

"Just because." Takeru shrugged. "You seem a bit out of it lately. Not as cheerful as normal. I don't know."

"Ahh, it's just because of the exams. I hate it when they're piling me with work like that."

"You sure?"

"Positively." Daisuke flashed him a grin. "After all, what could bring a Motomiya down?"

The blonde boy grinned as well. "I don't know!"

"That's exactly my point." Daisuke waved his arms. "You're probably just seeing weird things because your brain is going overdrive from all that studying. Study less, smile more, that's always my saying."

They both chuckled and continued their way out of the school. It was the end of yet another horrible school day – long and full of teachers who once again repeated how important the exams were…and that especially the subject _they_ taught was the most important, even if it was something as unimportant (in Daisuke's eyes) as history.

_little dragon_

_feel the air under your wings, come_

_don't be afraid of the last step_

_little dragon_

_life is one big adventure_

_but what comes next, we don't know _

"Why are your hands trembling?" Ken asked concerned.

"What?" Daisuke looked up from the text he had been reading and then down at his hands. True, they were trembling. Fascinated, he watched for a bit. They looked like an old man's hands!

"Whoa, that's weird." He confessed. "I don't know why this is happening."

Ken frowned worriedly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Of course I am." Daisuke seemed insulted by this question. "I'm probably just a bit tired, that's all."

"Did you sleep well last night?"

"Uh…" Daisuke thought of the many hours he had stayed awake over his books, and the fact that he had fallen asleep on his desk. "Not really."

"You should go to bed early tonight."

Daisuke nodded. "I suppose so." But he knew that it would be another late night today – too much homework, studying, visiting the hospital and then the fact that he couldn't sleep anyway.

Ken studied him intently. He knew that something was wrong with his usually so cheerful friend, but he wasn't sure what.

Daisuke apparently didn't want to tell him, and Ken didn't like to force people. It was so difficult; on one hand, he knew that it would be better if Daisuke talked about his problems. On the other hand, his friend seemed determined to deal with it himself. What was he, Ken, supposed to do? He didn't know.

So he kept silent and watched.

Already he could piece a few things together, for Ken wasn't stupid. In all the years he had known Daisuke, he had learned how to read between the lines. There was something wrong in the Motomiya household, for the spirit of the family seemed to be subdued.

"I'm hungry!" Veemon's whiny voice interrupted the two boys in their studying.

Daisuke sighed. "You just ate two bars of chocolate and a whole bag of chips! Even I'd be stuffed after that!"

The blue digimon just stared at him with big, pleading eyes.

"Alright!" Daisuke threw his hands in the air. "I'm getting you something. Ken, can I offer you anything? A drink? Chocolate – no wait, this little monster here ate it all…well, anything else?"

The blue-haired boy smiled. "A juice would be nice, thank you."

"What about you, Wormmon?"

The little caterpillar blinked. "Whatever Veemon is getting is fine."

"Alright. Be back in a sec!"

Daisuke bounced out of the room. Ken sat in silence for a few moments, and then turned towards Veemon.

"He's hiding something, isn't he?"

Veemon's face became serious all of sudden. "I can't tell you." He said softly.

"I know that, and I accept it. But…I'm worried. Something is not right, and I have the feeling that Davis is hurting, but I don't know why. I want to help him…but he doesn't seem to trust me." Pain shone in the eyes of the genius. "I thought we were friends…did I do something wrong? Why won't he trust me?"

The digimon shook his head. "It's not because of you! He doesn't want to tell you, because…because of his own reasons….I can't tell you…but you're doing nothing wrong, he just wants to…protect you…"

Ken frowned. "Protect me? Us? Why?"

"You've all got exams…you need to concentrate. And you know Daisuke, he's always there for everybody, but when it comes to his problems, he doesn't want to be a bother…" Veemon clasped his hands over his mouth. "I'm not supposed to tell you, I'm sorry! I promised! I always try to convince him otherwise, but he can be so…stubborn."

Ken nodded. He knew the stubbornness of the begoggled Digidestined Leader. Still, what he had heard worried him even more. Something far more serious than exams was going on, and he was determined to find out what it was.

"Say Veemon…," he began slowly. "If he's protecting us…then who's going to protect him?"

"I don't know, Ken. I don't know."

_

* * *

I feel sorry for Veemon. He knows I'm hurting, but he cannot help me. He's a great friend, really. The only one I can confide in. The only one who knows what's going on in my head all the time. Well, Ken is pretty close, too, but he doesn't know about the whole Jun thing. _

_Sometimes I wonder if I should talk to him; after all, he lost Osamu and knows about these things. But then I think that he's got enough on his plate as it is – he doesn't need my problems on top of it all. He's finally getting rid of his old guilt and depression, and I certainly don't want to drag him down again._

_Naw. That's my thing to deal with. Me and Veemon, we can do it. I'll be there for Jun when she needs me, and she'll pull through – somehow. Because she's a Motomiya and Motomiya's are strong._

_Daisuke's Notes _

_

* * *

_

Jun Motomiya was watching TV, but to be quite frank, she could have been looking at a pot plant and it would have been equally interesting. TV had lost its novelty for her a long time ago. Things like that happened when one was in the hospital had had nothing better to do than watching TV or reading books all day long. There were only so many soap operas and talk shows a decent human being could bear.

And besides, most people shown on TV were happy, beautiful and dealt with such unimportant problems as relationships and clothes.

Just a few months ago she had belonged to all these people, but now she was confined in her hospital room, longing to go outside.

There were stories she never told her parents or her brother. Stories about the hospital, stories that made her incredibly sad. Jun was a cheerful girl by nature, but the hospital destroyed even her spirit.

Since her room was in the ward for the long-time sicknesses, she was witness of quite a few dramatic moments, and unlike in soap operas, these didn't end nice. Sometimes, when she was allowed out of her room, she wandered around and saw all these children. Children with horrible burns, children who were being treated for various diseases, children in a coma…

Like the one girl, Ruby, who was in a car accident and was lying in a coma ever since. She was barely twelve years old and looked so much younger in the huge hospital bed.

Or Miruko, a tiny boy with a brain tumour that slowly robbed him of his ability to speak. When he first arrived, he had been energetic, always babbling away, and now he was struggling to form a coherent sentence.

And then there was Chinwut, a chinese teenager who must be around her age. She didn't know what had happened to him, but he was battling with the remnants of a terrible accident that had scarred his whole face and took away his eyesight.

These kids – or young adults – were like her. They had once led happy, innocent lives, which were now being taken away from them by some unknown forces.

Hugging her pillow close to her, she let her eyes trail over the small room she occupied. Even though the walls were decorated, it looked bare and lonely.

"I have to do something." The girl murmured to herself, for she knew all too well that she would become even more depressed if she stayed put.

Sometimes she wished for a digimon partner. It would be so nice to have a little friend by her side all the time! She would be able to tell him or her all her fears and they would cry together.

But Jun Motomiya didn't have a digimon partner and therefore she had to bear the burden alone.

"Right. That's enough. I'm getting out of here!" the girl declared to nobody in particular and stood up.

She was allowed to leave her room from time to time, as long as she didn't overdo it. The nurses had become quite wary of her, since Jun's understanding of what exactly 'overdoing it' was differed greatly from their own. Even while in hospital, Jun liked running around, looking into various rooms and chatting with all the people she met. Often she would disturb the quietness of the hospital.

Jun peeked out of the door and was satisfied that no nurse could be seen. Dressed in a loose t-shirt and trainers, she padded along the corridor in search of company.

The first door she passed was the door to Ruby's room and it was slightly ajar. Inside, she could see the girl lying on her bed, tubes attached to her mouth and nose, the only noise the faint beeping of the heart monitor. Seeing her like that always broke Jun's heart. The little girl hadn't shown any sign of awakening since Jun had seen her first; she was just lying there, motionless, pale, like dead.

"Hello Ruby." Jun whispered. "I hope you are well. There's a world outside waiting for you, you know."

But as always, she didn't receive a reply. Ruby was lost in her own world and would probably never come back.

"At least I'm still awake," Jun encouraged herself. "And I can talk and watch TV and read books."

She had long ago realized that it helped to think in that way. It made her appreciate the few things she had left.

Wandering onwards, she came to Miruko's room, but his parents were there and she didn't want to disturb.

On her way, she passed a few nurses, smiled at one of her doctors and then stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a bed being wheeled out of one of the rooms. Now beds like that were frequent sights in the hospital, but this one had a person lying on it and said person was covered with a white cloth.

Jun knew what that meant and it made her heart freeze. This person had died, and judging by the shape of the body, it hadn't been an adult, but a young child.

Being so close to death made her realize her own condition once again, and she couldn't help but shudder. Tears threatened to fall, but she wouldn't let them. Death was always lurking behind the next corner and she was very aware of that.

Still, between being aware and actually seeing it was quite a difference.

Shaken by this experience, she decided that she had ventured out long enough and steered back to the safety of her room, the only place where she would allow herself to cry in solitude.

_Little Dragon, be my guide_

_Help me being strong _

_And teach me how to laugh again_

_For I fear that the shadows are overwhelming_

_And I cannot fight for much longer_

_Little Dragon, don't be sad_

_I feel it's time for me to leave_

_I'm getting weaker, getting pale_

_But I will always think of you_

_And be with you in your dreams _

**To be continued…

* * *

**

**Koi Seracus** – How I said, I don't know why I'm always writing unhappy stuff. I wanted to write a nice little story about Australia and the Digidestined, since I'm living in Australia right now, but it just wouldn't turn out right, so I dropped it. Instead, I wrote this. lol What a luck that I don't wear make-up.

**Dragen 545** – Jun's illness will be revealed in the next chapter, but you can probably already guess it – it's not that difficult.

**Doodoodedoo** – Well, up until now I've always finished my fics, even if it was a big pain sometimes, so you can be happy. It may just take a while, that is all. If you would have read more of my stuff, then you would know that I can't write romance even if my life depends on it and therefore the possibilities that there might be a pairing in this fic is very small. Be relieved :P Besides, it wouldn't fit into the plot anyway.


	3. The mask falls into place

**Disclaimer:** This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

**Genre:** Tragedy/Drama

**Rating:** PG-13

**Criticism**: Always welcome, as long as it's constructive.

**Summary:** "In order to keep sane, I need to continue pretending. Because otherwise, my whole world would fall apart…" (Daisuke-centric)

Starting with this chapter, there'll be some more information about Jun's illness and treatment. However, I'm no doctor. I did some research, but I'm not a very reliable person when it comes to that and it can be that I changed things (although unconsciously) or am simply wrong in some areas. If that's the case, then I apologize for it and I'd be happy if you could point out my mistake.

Not much happening in this chapter, just a bit more insight to the character's feelings, a bit of history and their feelings. More plot in the next chapter, I promise.

However, I am travelling up to Cairns in a few weeks, so I don't know when the next chapter will be written/posted. Hopefully soon, but as always, I can't promise anything.

* * *

**Little Dragon**

_By Kaeera_

**Chapter Three: The mask falls into place**

___I remember it so clearly, the day when my whole life was torn apart. My parents picked me up from soccer practise, something they rarely do – I usually take the train. We drove to the hospital and they were so silent, so grim. Even I knew that something was wrong back then, and I clutched Veemon to my chest as if seeking comfort._

_Jun was there, sitting on the bed and crying, and I can't explain how shocked I was when I saw her. I saw her crying because of fury, crying because she wanted to get something from Mom and Dad, but I never saw her crying like this, so utterly in despair that it broke my heart at that very moment._

_The doctor looked serious, urged us to sit down and then he began to tell us what they had found out._

_Jun was sick. And not the "I-have-a-cold' kind of sick, no, it was a serious sickness. They called it cancer. _

_What kind of cancer? _

_I'm not sure. I can't remember medical terms. The only thing I know is that Jun's body is suddenly doing weird things. Her cells aren't growing as they are supposed to do; and as an effect of that, her immune system doesn't work properly. It makes her weak. The thing that scared me most was that they had discovered a tumour in her brain._

_Now you hear all these facts about tumours and cancer on TV, and of course I was scared, but the doctor said that with the correct treatment, Jun should be healed. Chemotherapy would be necessary, of course, and although Jun wailed at first at the prospect of loosing her hair, she understood the reasons._

_But now I'm not so sure anymore .I've learned a great many things since Jun was brought to hospital, and since the adults will never tell me the truth, I was forced to find things out on my own. The chemotherapy isn't working as well as the hoped it would. Drepanocythemia was one important word they used. What it is? No clue. Something to do with her blood. It interferes with her healing and makes her weaker than she's supposed to be. In a critical state, this could very well mean death._

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

Weekend. How he had waited for it to come! No school meant more time to visit Jun, to study, and maybe even to relax a bit. Daisuke wasn't stupid – he knew that he was wearing himself out and that it wasn't good for his health, but then again, he was young and strong, he could deal with it. It was, after all, for a good sake. 

Weekends were always good, no matter what. And so it was that he found himself walking towards the hospital in higher spirits than usual on that particular Saturday morning. He had been able to catch a few hours of sleep, he had even had breakfast, and he felt better than he had in days.

Veemon was walking by his side, chatting cheerfully about this and that, for once glad that Daisuke wasn't in his usual brooding mood.

His parents were already in the hospital and they had promised that – given the weather was nice and Jun felt up to it – they would go out for lunch. This was a prospect to look forward to, not so much for the food but for the fact that he would be able to see his sister outside the hospital in a normal environment.

"…and you know, I bet if I digivolved into a digimon with healing powers, then I could help Jun and all would be better…" Veemon rambled on.

Daisuke chuckled. "I don't believe that would work. Humans are not made of data and something that heals digimon might be useless on us."

The blue digimon sighed. "I know – still, it would be nice, wouldn't it? Everything would be back to normal again in blink of a moment."

"Yes. But it's not your fault, Vee-chan, and you know it. So let's not talk about things that wouldn't work anyway – we have to deal with the facts and make the best out of it."

Veemon stopped and stared. "You know what, Davis? That sounded _almost_ grown-up!"

"Did it?" The boy reflected what he had said. "I guess you are right. But then again, a lot of serious things happened in a short amount of time, and serious things tend to make you grow up, if only a little bit." A shadow darkened his handsome face. "I could have lived without it, to be quite frank."

"Me, too. It would be nice to stay like that forever!"

"True." Daisuke smiled softly, thinking how much he would have liked that to happen. Living in a perfect little world with only small fights and minor problems such as homework and inventing a new way to impress Hikari. "At least we're still together."

Veemon nodded importantly. "Of course. It would be horrible if we were seperated. I think I should die of sadness if that ever happened, because you are the bestest partner ever!"

"Am I? Well, thanks for the praise. I could wish for no better digimon than you."

The little creature was satisfied. "We're just the perfect match then."

"Indeed, we are."

And so, chatting away the dark thoughts, the duo reached the hospital

* * *

Daisuke's parents were already in the room, sitting in uncomfortable silence. Judging by Jun's expression when he entered the room, this silence must have been going on for quite a while now. Ever since her illness had been found out, their parents were subdued, unable to start a normal conversation. 

"Brother!" she exclaimed. "I thought you'd never manage to drag yourself out of bed!"

He rolled his eyes. "Well, there was nothing to look forward to, just visiting you." A grin accompanied his answer, showing that he only spoke in jest.

Jun laughed. "What else would there be for you to look forward to? A hot date? Naah, I don't think so."

"At least I've got more chances for a date than you."

"With your face? No, I don't think so, really."

Their parents followed their exchange with equal looks of surprise on their faces. They found it quite hard to behave normally in front of Jun, and Daisuke hated them for that. Jun needed normal more than anything else. Being treated as if she could die every second, that wouldn't help her, as Daisuke had decided a long time ago. He had to show her why she needed to be strong, and that he thought she would survive this.

Of course, this had led his parents to believe that he hadn't grasped the seriousness of the situation. They looked at him as if he didn't feel the pain they felt. Well, their problem. They'd never understood him anyway.

Daisuke was determined to make his sister feel better, no matter what.

"Stop the bickering", their mother interrupted. "Davis, you're a bit late. The doctor approved, we can take Jun out for lunch and we thought about going to that little café around the corner. What do you think?"

"Sounds great to me!" He grinned. "So you're getting better, squirt?"

"Don't call me squirt," Jun pouted, "I'm the older sister."

"Yeah, but I'm taller than you."

"You're not."

"Sure am."

"Naw. I don't believe you."

"You can believe what you want, but I am taller."

"Your ego, maybe."

"My ego and my body heigth, thank you very much."

Veemon shook his head, regarding the siblings with a mixture of relief and amusement on his face. "Well, at least some things will never change."

* * *

_I learned that my sister has got a different type of blood – her cells can't carry as much oxygen as they are supposed to, leaving her tired and weary. It was never a problem – before the tumour. Now, when her defences are already weakened, it could be dangerous._

_Jeez, I learned more about medicine and biology in the last month than I did in the years before. I don't know…I wanted to understand what was happening to my sister, why she was being given all those drugs, why her hair became thinner, why she was taken from one examination to the next…_

_I remember so clearly the scene in the doctor's office. Jun, sitting on the bed. My mother, sobbing. My father, looking grave and serious. And the doctor, telling us that my sister – my cheerful, annoying older sister – had cancer, serious cancer._

_I remember looking at her and she tried to smile, tried to be strong for me, but I could see the tears glistening in her eyes. At that moment, I made a decision. I vowed to myself that I would give everything to make life for Jun as normal and good as possible, no matter what it would cost me._

_No matter what._

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

The café was a nice and quiet place at the corner of the street. Many visitors used it as a means to escape the hospital canteen, and the patrons were used to catering people with casts and other kinds of visible injuries. 

Daisuke and his family were sitting in a corner away from the rest of the clients. Since her hair had started to fall out, Jun was quite self-conscious about her appearance and didn't want to be seen by many people.

Daisuke could fully understand that. Sometimes it was even shocking for him to see his sister with only a few strands of hair left – while she used to have a big mop of spiky hair, similar to his.

The waitress served them a nice salad and some sandwiches. For the first time in days, Daisuke actually felt hungry. It was a pleasant feeling, and he immediately dug in when the food arrived. It was nice not to pretend to be hungry, but to be able to eat without thinking about acting.

Veemon was sitting on a fifth chair, happily munching his sandwiches and the bowl of chips the waitress had kindly given him. The little digimon was a natural charmer when it came to females, and he always got what he wanted.

"That's so much better than the hospital food." Jun exclaimed happily, even though she was allowed to eat only a small sandwich. "Yuck, you should see some of the stuff they bring me sometimes! Disgusting."

"I didn't think it was that bad," Daisuke said between two bites.

"Yeah, but you eat everything anyway." was Jun's stoic reply.

"I do not!"

"Yes you do! Remember the time when the cake burned in the oven? You still ate it, even though it was black!"

The boy hesitated, "It tasted alright."

She rolled her eyes. "It tasted like coal, Davis."

Daisuke exchanged a glance with Veemon. "I liked it." The digimon said cheerfully.

"You see? Veemon liked it as well. You're just too spoiled!"

The girl raised an eyebrow. "You're talking of the digimon that once ate my body lotion, insisting that it tasted like cream?"

Daisuke chose not to answer that, and Jun snickered smugly, knowing that she had won that particular argument.

Their parents had followed the whole exchange with amused expressions. The atmosphere of the café seemed to set their minds at ease, and for the first time in weeks, it felt as if they were a family again.

Daisuke turned hopeful eyes at his mother. "Can we get dessert?"

The woman laughed. "Are you still hungry, after that enormous sandwich you ate?"

"Yes." A slow grin spread over the boy's face. "My stomach is a never-ending pit of…nothingness!"

"Very clever, little brother." It was time for Jun to roll her eyes again. She was actually enjoying this, the bickering, the food and just the possibility to be out of the hospital.

"I guess a small dessert is alright." Her father said with a slight chuckle. "Jun, do you want anything? Ice-cream?"

The girl thought for a moment. "A piece of cake would me nice."

Mr. Motomiya nodded. "And you, Davis?"

"Chocolate ice-cream!" He grinned cheerfully, and, with a glance at Veemon, added: "Double Size!"

"Why did I even ask…"

* * *

When they started Jun's treatment, everybody was optimistic. After all, we live in a modern age, right? It's possible to heal cancer, right? And besides, Jun only had to come to the hospital in intervals. Another word I learned. Chemotherapy is applied in intervals, because the body needs the time to degenerate. I never knew that Chemotherapy doesn't only destroy cancer cells, but normal cells as well. Imagine that! No wonder that the body needs the time to rest.

_And so, Jun spent most of the time at home and only a few days in hospital. But then the time she stayed at home lessened. Then the moments came when she couldn't get out of bed in the morning because she was so tired. Or when she would cry because she found another strand of hair that was falling out._

_My parents never told me what was wrong. I had to find it out myself. I had to sneak into their room, read the papers, I had to 'accidentally overhear' their conversations with the doctor. They wanted to protect me and they thought I wouldn't understand._

_But I did. I'm not stupid. I knew that this was getting serious. And even though I'm a teenager, I know what 'death' means._

_Jun knew it as well. When we looked at each other, we both saw the pain in our eyes._

_I often wonder what it must be like for her. Imagine that, living every day with the possibility that you could die, here, now…or the belief that you are going to die…people around you are dying all the time, or they are horribly sick, wired to all kinds of machines, barely resembling humans anymore…_

_If I imagine I had to go away and leave everything behind…just the thought of it makes me shudder. Close my eyes, only to never wake up again…only darkness. All the small things…things you think of as normal, you know, like eating chocolate ice-cream or brushing your teeth,…all those things will be gone. And what comes after that? Will everything end? Just like that? Snap, out like a light, no Daisuke anymore? _

_I don't want to die. Not yet. Not now. There are so many things to be seen, to be done._

_And here is Jun, and she's facing the problem, and she doesn't want to die either, but what can she do? She is fighting, and she's strong, my sister, she's so very strong, but there's only oh so much she can do…_

_But that won't happen to Jun. I won't let that happen! I'm the leader of the digidestined, I've fought so many battles, it should be an easy task to save my sister._

_So why do I feel like crying?_

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

"That was a nice lunch." Daisuke yawned and stretched his arms. Actually, he didn't feel so good, but he wouldn't tell his parents that. The last hour had been a pleasant one and he didn't want to destroy the memory by mentioning that he felt sick. 

"May I be excused? I need to go to the toilet." He asked, adapting the most polite tone he could manage.

Jun sent him a suspicious look. "What are you up to now?"

He beamed at her. "Just exploring the depths of my charming personality."

"What personality?"

"Sh. Not now." Their mother interjected. "Yes, you may go, Davis, but hurry, Jun has to be back at the hospital at two o'clock."

"Aye, aye, madam!" He saluted and made his way to the toilets. They were behind the counter and as soon as he had entered the little room, the smile slid from his face.

"Oh man," he groaned. "I don't feel so good…" He staggered in one of the little boxes. His stomach was revolting and he knew that he shouldn't have eaten that much, not after not eating for several days. "Stupid, Davis, stupid…" was all he managed to say, before he vomited his lunch into the toilet.

Sweat appeared on his forehead, and for once he was glad that Veemon had stayed behind. That was something nobody needed to know.

The boy gagged until nothing was left in his stomach, then leaned his head against the cool wall. "I'm so screwed," he whispered and nearly cried. "I'm so screwed…"

Oh, how much he wanted to lie down right now, to close his eyes and go to asleep. At least in his dreams he could be happy. But there was no chance he could do that, staying in the toilet too long would be suspicious and he couldn't leave Jun alone, she needed him…

Feeling the coolness against his damp skin was a relief. "I can't be sick…I've got exams, I can't be sick, I have to be good at the exams, I promised Jun…"

Tears trickled down his cheeks, but he didn't even notice them. "Be strong…be strong…be strong…" He muttered it like a mantra, repeated the words until they finally sank in, until he was able to suppress the sobs and stop the tears from falling.

Daisuke stood up, staggered, swayed and nearly fell. Days of exhaustion began to take their toll, and only by sheer willpower the boy was able to walk to the sinks, splashing his face with cold water.

"Shit." He groaned, as he saw his pale complexion in the mirror. "Shit!"

However, the cold water helped to get the foul taste out of his mouth, and after a few more seconds, he was able to stand upright again. He dried his face with a towel and then turned to face the door.

"Okay…here we go…can't let them see…" Daisuke took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He forced a grin on his lips, imagined himself cheerful and smiling. It was getting harder with each time, but he was determined to pull through.

When he finally left the bathroom two minutes later, it seemed as if nothing had happened at all. The typical Daisuke-grin was plastered all over his face and he exchanged a few jokes with Jun, before they made their way back to the hospital. Not even Veemon noticed a difference.

The mask was in place again and the game could continue.

* * *

_Sometimes I'm not sure I can do this. Why does it have to hurt so much? Why…why can't it just stop? _

_I..I don't know...I'm...lost…I focus on something, but then, I space out for seconds, minutes, half an hour…I scare myself sometimes, I can't get my feelings under control anymore, I…lost control…_

_I can't allow that! I can't…let the others know…can't…I have to...have to write the exams…pass the exams…help Jun…_

_I don't know what's happening to me. It scares me. I'm afraid. What's wrong? _

_What am I doing? Sometimes I don't know anymore…should I tell someone else? Is Veemon right? Am I wrong?_

_But..I…can't…I have no idea, it's like…like I operate on willpower only…or emotions? Fragments, pieces of memory, and I am so confused, feel alone, like crying, like screaming, like…_

…_need yo be strong…_

_I lost my focus._

_How long before I lose everything else?_

_Daisuke's Notes_

**To be continued…**

* * *

Thanks for the reviews, guys, they are much appreciated! And if you have any questions, feel free to ask! 

**Samanda Hime-Sama** – O.o Wow, thanks for the nice compliment. I guess over the years of writing I kind of invented my 'own' Daisuke…it's just that I cannot believe that there's somebody with no 'dark corner' in the soul, as you nicely put it, especially since I'm very much like Daisuke myself.

**Dragen545** – You guessed correctly! Ah, well, I never have complicated plots or sudden turns of events, I just can't keep up with that.

**Fading Twilight** – That's good! I mean, that you're looking forward to the next chapter. The only unfortunate thing is that I'm such a slow writer…sorry!

**scrtshdfgry** – I know your problem. There aren't a lot of writer that write about Jun and Daisuke in an un-bashing way….sighs It's a pity, really.

**Dark Qiviut** – Your review was just…flattering. I re-read it about three times because I couldn't believe that you were talking about one of my fics…I don't think that I'm the best angst/drama writer, since my plots are too simple…basically, all my stories have kind of the same plot, just with different aspects to it…O.o

Anyway, thanks for the praise nonetheless, it really made my day and I walked away from the computer with a grin on my face!

Thanks for putting my stories in your C2 archive, by the way!


	4. A Ray of Light

**Disclaimer:** This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

**Genre:** Tragedy/Drama

**Rating:** PG-13

**Criticism**: Always welcome, as long as it's constructive.

**Summary:** "In order to keep sane, I need to continue pretending. Because otherwise, my whole world would fall apart…" (Daisuke-centric)

**Warning:** Ehh…not beta-read. I could need a beta-reader, so whoever is willing and has time…send me and e-mail or tell me in your review! Thanks.

**Notes:** Bah. I don't like this chapter. Somehow, things are dragging along, running in a circle and I can't manage to change it. Worst of all, I realized when I read through this chapter, that I developed a sudden habit for run-down sentences. A lot of sentences stretched over several paragraphs and were simply too long. I corrected the worst ones, but I fear that there are still a lot of them hidden in this chapter, and it slows the whole story down. :grumbles:

Anyway, sorry for being late – how I said, I was backpacking and had a lot of fun (diving in the Great Barrier Reef, diving in the Whitsundays, hiking in the Tropical Rainforest…), but I didn't get much (zero) writing done.

* * *

**Little Dragon**

by Kaeera

**Chapter Four: A Ray of Light**

_I hate studying. Sitting still is just not my thing._

_But I think everybody already knows that I could never be a scholar. _

_I can deal with the pressure of fighting, with danger, with fear, but I can't bear the pressure that builds up during an exam. I alwas try my best, I do all the work and I study…but still my teachers call me lazy and stupid, and I don't know what to do. I just can't help it! I make all those stupid mistakes because…I don't know why, I just make them!_

_If anyone knew how much time I spent on homework the last weeks, they'd be surprised. And yet people assume that I'm stupid._

_Maybe because I am. I simply cannot get my head around all this stuff. But I need to. I have to. After all, I promised. Promises need to be kept._

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

Daisuke was standing in front of the school building, his stomach clenching together. He didn't want to go in. He _dreaded_ it. Because in less than fifteen minutes, he would sit down in his classroom…the teacher would hand out the question sheets and then the first exam – Maths – would begin.

He had studied so hard, and yet he didn't know if it was enough. For the first time in his life, Daisuke Motomiya was afraid of a test.

Sure, he had been anxious before – the kind of anxiousness you get when you know that you probably should have studied instead of playing the latest installment of Final Fantasy. But afraid? No way. After all, exams were only a way of testing people. You sat down, wrote your thing, and if you couldn't answer every question – well, bad luck. It was better than facing evil digimon, or dangling over a cliff. That's how he used to think.

However, right now, he was so petrified that his hands were trembling. He wanted to go home, he wanted to hide, he wanted to be somewhere else…but he knew, knew in his heart that he couldn't, that he had to go into the building and face it like man.

God, that sounded pathetic.

And so, slowly, he walked into the school hall.

It was crowded with students, some of them chattering, others reading over their notes, trying frantically to remember this formula and that way of solving a problem. All this anxiousness made him feel even sicker and he grabbed his backpack tightly. Oh, how he wished for Veemon to be there! But the digimon was forced to stay at home, all digimon were, since they would only disturb the peace and quite of the exams.

"Good morning, Davis!" a cheerful voice greeted him.

Daisuke turned around to face Takeru. The blonde had tucked his hands in his pockets and sent him a crooked smile. "The day of the apocalypse has finally arrived, huh? I can't help to feel a bit relieved – at least it will be over soon."

"Yes." was Daisuke's curt reply. He didn't feel like acting cheerfully today, and for once, he didn't care what the others thought. He felt that he needed all his remaining strength for the exams.

Takeru's smile wavered and he looked at his friend more closely – only to gasp in shock.

Daisuke looked like hell. Had he always been so thin? His whole frame was gaunt, his face pale and a hollow look in his eyes that made the blonde boy shudder. Where was the cheerfulness, the lifely spirit, the energy?

"Daisuke…" he started, but the boy shrugged him off. "Excuse me, I have to go."

He walked off, leaving Takeru gaping at his retreating back. What had he missed? What had happened to his friend? Something was seriously wrong, and he was determined to find out what.

The blonde glanced at his watch and cursed. It had to wait until after the exam, he thought wryly while hurrying to the classroom. He really needed to talk with Hikari about this.

* * *

…_Exam time…_

* * *

It was the time of utmost silence, of heavy concentration and air that severely lacked oxygen. The quietness was almost eerie; usually, there was always noise during the classes – people talking, someone listening to his MP3-Player, the talk of the teacher, rustling of paper…

Now, the silence was deafening. Every student's head was bent down, reading the instructions, most of them frowning while doing so.

Daisuke was sitting at the front, his pencil case in front of him, sheet clutched tightly in his hands. His previous anxiousness was gone; now he was focusing on the task only. Hunger, fatigue and emotional distress became unimportant as he looked at the familiar equations, the things he had practised so direly during the last weeks.

There was a look of fierce determination on his face – the same determination he had used while fighting in the Digital World.

Usually, he didn't care enough to direct this determination at something as unimportant as school work. This time, however, it was different. He had spent all his effort, all his energy into this. And Daisuke owned a lot of energy, despite what other people said.

A short smile flickered over his pale face and then he started to write. The scratching of the pen on the paper was the only noise audible; and he wrote, and wrote, and wrote, until he didn't think of anything else anymore, saw only numbers and functions.

* * *

_Little Dragon, make me proud_

_I'm not giving up and neither should you_

_If I have to go down, then I want to go down fighting_

_Little Dragon_

_Keep your spirit_

_You can do things you never dreamed of_

_Because you're you, and I know what you're capable of_

_Little Dragon, promise me_

_Promise me to give your best_

_Even though I won't be there to encourage you_

_Little Dragon, think of me_

_As I will think of you_

_Always_

* * *

Daisuke stared at the paper in amazement, his right hand cramping. He had actually written on every single sheet, completed every single exercise. This had never happened before, and he couldn't help feeling suspicious. Surely he must have made a mistake, he couldn't have finished already.

But then he looked at his watch and was startled to realize that he had been writing for the last three hours straight. Only ten minutes more and the bell would go, announcing the end of the first exam.

_Wow_, he thought surprised, _I didn't even notice how the time passed._

He scanned over what he had written. Well, at least he had answered every question, maybe he would get points for the right approach, even though the result might not be correct. It would be a first if they were – the was famous for his silly results, and more than often they had been read aloud to give the class something to laugh about…

Somehow, he always managed to make tiny mistakes or to misread the question or forget a number or stupid things like that. He couldn't even remember the last time when he there hadn't been a single drop of red ink on a test.

Daisuke shook his head. No use thinking about that right now.

With a sigh, he scribbled his student number and the date on each of the sheets and started packing his things together. At least his heart felt a little bit lighter. Of course, it was just the beginning of the exams, but the first hurdle had been taken, and not bad at that.

Daisuke felt confident that he could manage the rest of the week quite fine. And after that he'd be able to take some time of. Sleeping in, and maybe even going out with his friends…he missed those occasional meetings. Although he wasn't so sure if he'd be able to enjoy them as much now that Jun…

This reminded him of the fact how harsh he had been to Takeru this morning, and he suppressed a groan. He knew his blonde friend; he'd certainly be worried and would try to investigate matters further. The last thing Daisuke needed right now was a bunch of worried friends poking their noses into his business.

He went into the hall that slowly crowded with students coming out of their classrooms. The gloomy silence of the morning had vanished, instead everybody was now chattering and wearing relieved smiles on their faces. The mood was contagious, and Daisuke couldn't help smiling himself.

"Hey, Takeru!" he waved cheerfully when he finally discovered his friend in the crowd. "How did it go?"

The blonde turned around. "Not bad, not bad at all." There was a note of concern in his voice. "How about you?"

Daisuke made the thumps-up sign. "I managed to write an answer for every question. Not everything might be correct, but still, it's better than expected."

A genuine smile lit Takeru's face. "That's great to hear!"

"By the way, TK…" Daisuke's face became serious. "I'm sorry for how I treated you this morning. I was quite stressed, that's why I was so rude, but I shouldn't behave like that. It wasn't fair on you. So…sorry?"

"That's alright." The blonde waved it off. "We've all been under a lot of stress lately. But Davis…are you okay? Really okay, I mean?"

Daisuke stepped back slightly. "Why are you asking?"

"Well, you have been behaving a bit…unusual lately." Takeru rubbed his head. "Hikari pointed it out to me, and…you know, you don't look to well, you're very pale and thin, and you've started avoiding as. Is there something wrong?"

"No, no, everything is fine!" The begoggled boy chuckled uneasily. "Just the stress of the exams, really, you know how much I hate school stuff."

Takeru studied him closely. Somehow, he couldn't believe that. Daisuke had never been one to be put down by studying.

He seemed so pallid, almost frail, as if he could break down every second – and he had lost his energy. Sure, he was still smiling and cracking jokes, but they became less and less convincing with each passing day. The more Takeru looked, the more he was convinced that something was seriously wrong with his fiery friend, and he was determined to find out what.

"You can always talk to me, you know that?" he said softly. "If you need a friend, I'm here for you. You don't have to deal with everything on your own."

Daisuke stiffened, and for the shortest moment, an expression of pain flickered on his face. Only briefly, and Takeru nearly missed it, because it was gone as quickly as it had come and Daisuke was smiling again.

"Sure, I know buddy, but really, there's nothing wrong with me, believe me…by the way, I gotta go now, I promised Jun to drop by and tell her how the first exam was. So see ya tomorrow!"

And he dashed away as if he was hunted by evils. Takeru blinked, taken aback by the sudden departure. "Something _is_ wrong with you, Davis." He muttered under his breath. "Why aren't you talking to us? Don't you consider us your friends anymore?"

"…promised Jun to drop by…pah…" Takeru continued his soliloquy. He always found it easier to focus his thoughts when he spoke them out aloud. "Uh…so where is Jun? Isn't she at home?"

That somehow didn't make sense. Since when did Davis and his sister get along so well? The last thing he, Takeru, had heard, was that they were trying to avoid each other as much as possible. Not that he had ever cared much about Jun, he found the girl quite scary. But still, could the whole relationship between the two Motomiya siblings have changed without him noticing? And why?

There was definitely something going on here!

Walking out of the school, the blonde made a decision. He would talk with the others this afternoon, since they had decided to meet at Miyako's place. Ken would be there as well, and he would ask him. If anyone knew what was wrong with their begoggled leader, it was him. After all, he was Daisuke's closest friend.

* * *

_If anyone knew that I was writing this…what would they think? I never was much of a writing person. Sitting down and letting the thoughts play through my head? Naw. Far too depressing, better things to do. But now…now I feel it's my only escape. _

_Suddenly my life has become full of secrets, so many secrets that I somehow lost count. I can't tell the others about Jun; I can't tell Jun that the others don't know; I can't tell my parents how much I know about the seriousness of the situation; and I can't tell Veemon how I really feel, because it would destroy the little guy. _

_Although I suspect that he knows. He's a smart little digimon – too smart for me._

_The fact is that I'm starting to scare myself. I do things without even noticing that I'm doing them. I barely sleep. I barely eat. I know that it's bad for me, but I can't change it. I even started thinking that maybe, maybe I should tell Ken about what is happening. He knows. He might be able to help. He will understand._

_But each time I see him, the masks falls into place. Before I know what's happening, I'm smiling and cracking jokes and being so…normal, even though I'm crying underneath. And I get afraid because I think…I think that I'll never get rid of this mask. I've somehow forgotten where the acting ends and the real Daisuke starts…_

_I fear the others are suspecting that something is going wrong. But on the other hand, I'm glad. Maybe…maybe they can make it easier somehow. Maybe they can take the pain away…_

_Who am I kidding? Nobody can take the pain away, unless there is same miraculous medicine that will make Jun healthy again. _

_The pain is mine and mine alone. _

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

'_Done. First exam done. First day survived, and not even that badly…'_

That was the only thing Daisuke could think of this particular afternoon. Sure, the second exam would follow tomorrow, but right now, he didn't want to worry about that, nor about the work he still had to do, some last minute revision…

It also reminded him of the fact that he had agreed to meet the others, only for a short time, at the shop of Miyako's parents. The lavender haired girl had briskly decided that they needed a break and had invited them for a round of sweets and chatter at her apartment. Not long, she had promised, maybe three quarters of an hour, but the distraction would do them good, as she knew from her own experiences with exams.

Daisuke had contemplated not going, but unfortunately Jun had heard about this – had coaxed it out of him somehow – and been happy about the idea. Now he had to go, for his noisy sister would surely want to know all the glory details, including what was going on with Hikari.

He snorted at that. Yes, Hikari. He had been quite infatuated with the girl, but over the years, she had become a very good friend, nothing more.

Anyway, right now such feelings were the least thing he needed. He would feel…guilty about being in love while Jun, who's greatest dream had always been to have a boyfriend, was stuck in the hospital. No, that didn't seem fair.

Honestly, he couldn't understand why his sister had suddenly so much interest in his love-life. Almost as if she wanted to make sure that…

No, he didn't want to go down that lane.

"Are you brooding?" Veemon inquired, munching some chips he had found under Daisuke's bed. Heaven knew how long they had been there, but the digimon never seemed to care.

Daisuke smiled softly. "No. Just thinking."

"You're doing that an awful lot lately."

"Well, there's a lot to think about."

Veemon nodded solemly. "True. By the way, when are we going to Miyako's place? I'm hungry!"

Daisuke rolled his eyes. "How can you be hungry? You just had lunch, and then you ate a full package of chips…"

The digimon just blinked innocently and the boy sighed. "I shouldn't have asked. But actually, it's good of you to remind me – we're supposed to meet the others there in-" he looked at his watch, "-about twenty minutes."

"Judging from the fact that it takes you about 25 minutes to get there, I suggest we'd better go."

"Gotcha." He took his backpack and grabbed a coffee drink from the kitchen. During the last days, he'd come to rely quite heavily on the caffeinated drinks, since they were the only things that prevented him from falling asleep in the middle of the day. Plus, they tasted quite good.

The can opened with a low click, and Daisuke took a large gulp before he left the apartment. He didn't even bother to write a note to his parents; he'd stopped doing that a long time ago. They never seemed to care, anyway. Sometimes he wondered why they'd even had children.

Correction. They never seemed to care about _him_. _Jun_ was a different matter.

Ah well. Parents. No use thinking about them. At least he was able to do what he wanted, which, in Daisuke's opinion, paid back for many things.

"Are we going to the Digital World?" Veemon inquired. "Are we? Are we?"

"You know as well as I that we won't." Daisuke rolled his eyes. "Exams, remember? Maybe next week, but definitely not today."

"Awww."

* * *

...

* * *

"You were right." Takeru said to Hikari as soon as he entered Miyako's apartment. "There is something wrong with him." 

"Oh, and hello to you, too." Miyako replied sarcastically. "What's wrong with who? Did I miss out some interesting gossip?" The lavender-haired girl was stretched out on the sofa, a can of coke in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. Hawkmon sat on the ground beside her, deeply engrossed in a book.

Iori was there as well, silent as usual, and the only ones that were missing were Daisuke and Ken.

"It's about Davis." Hikari frowned. "He's behaving weirdly."

Miyako snorted. "Sorry to disappoint you, 'Kari-chan, but Davis _is_ weird."

"Not like that." The brown-haired girl bit her lip thoughtfully and looked at Takeru. "What exactly did you notice?"

The blonde flopped down on the couch. "I don't know – he was very subdued and not as energetic as usual. He looks…tired. Pale. Almost ill. As if he hasn't been sleeping. And he snapped at me as soon as I asked. It's just not him, this type of behaviour."

"Maybe it's the stress of the exams." Iori offered.

Hikari shook her head. "No. Daisuke never acted like this, even when he was stressed. I can sense that something is wrong, but I can't put my finger on it."

"Let's ask Ken," Miyako suggested and pointed out of the window, where the indigo-haired boy was approaching the house. "He should know. After all, they are best friends."

Said best friend made his way slowly through the store, smiling tentiatevly at the cirlce of kids as he entered the little apartment. "Hope your exams went alright." He spoke in the soft voice that was so typical for the former Digimon-kaiser. "Mine was pretty hard."

"It was okay." Hikari shrugged it off. "It's math, after all."

Takeru grinned. "I've got a good feeling about mine – I managed to solve at least half of the questions and that's always good, isn't it?"

"Only when you solve them correctly." Was Miyako's dry reply. "Ken, those two were just discussing about that dear friend of yours. Apparantly, Daisuke has been behaving weirder than usual. Can you confirm that?"

A shadow flickered over Ken's face. "So you noticed as well."

"Noticed what?" Iori wanted to know.

"That Daisuke is hiding something."

"He is?" Miyako crossed her arms defiantly. "That little twerp! How dare he to keep secrets from me? Oh, I'm so going to tell him…"

Hikari sent her a dark look. "Be serious, Miya. This is not a joke." Then she turned towards the blue-haired boy.

"Have a seat, Ken. We were hoping that maybe you could bring a little bit more light into the matter. Takeru and I noticed that Daisuke isn't his usual self. But when we asked him what was wrong, he just brushed it off…well, you know how he can be."

Ken nodded. "Yes. He's been doing the same thing to me, but I know that something is wrong – seriously wrong. I don't understand why he won't tell me, though." There was a look of utter loss on his face.

Takeru flinched. He knew how important Daisuke's friendship was to Ken, and the fact that the begoggled boy apparantly didn't trust him enough to tell his problems hurt Ken deeply. "I'm sure he's got his reasons." He said soothingly. "He probably wants to protect you. You know how he can get sometimes."

A small smile flickered over Ken's face. "Maybe you're right. Anyway, since he didn't tell me, I watched instead. I think it has something to do with his sister, but I don't know what."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well…" Ken pursed his lips. "Usually, when I'm at his apartment, Jun's always around, watching TV or fighting with Davis, annoying the hell out of him and amusing me greatly…but during the last weeks, I haven't seen her at all. And worse, whenever I mention her, Davis kind of steers away from the topic, as if he doesn't want to talk about her. I wonder where she is, really."

"You think Jun might be the reason why Davis is all pale and weirdish?" Miyako asked doubtfully. "Somehow, I can't imagine that. They don't exactly like each other, do they? He'd be glad if she was away."

Takeru remembered his own thoughts about the matter and nodded eagerly.

Iori tilted his head. "Why don't you just ask him? Won't that be easier?"

They all exchanged glances and then shook their heads.

"No. He's way too stubborn." Hikari explained. "He doesn't want to tell us, so he won't tell us. If we keep on asking, he'll end up getting mad and staying away from us. We don't want that to happen. Still…it worries me."

Takeru scratched his head. "Is there any way we can find out what's wrong with Davis – or his family – without asking him?"

"Ask his parents?" Miyako suggested.

Takeru sent her a dark look. "Yeah, and how are we supposed to do that? 'Excuse us, but we noticed that Davis is behaving a bit strangely, could you tell us the reason?' That might be just a tad weird, don't you think?"

Iori, always the polite one, coughed a little, and everybody turned to look at the boy. Although he was the youngest of the group and the most silent one, he usually gave very good advice – if he chose to speak.

"So, we know that something is wrong with Davis, but we can't ask him." He summarized, a frown on his face.

"Well, as far as I can see, we have only a few options. We can either wait until he tells us – or we can try to find out behind his back."

Miyako's eyes lit up. "Let's find out behind his back! We can follow him around – I've always wanted to be a spy."

"I don't know…" Hikari said hesitantly. "That seems awfully much like breaking his trust."

Ken nodded. "I think the same. If he doesn't want to tell us, well, then it's his choice. Maybe he just needs his time." However, he wasn't fully convinced by this. Deep down, the genius knew that something was seriously wrong and that the longer they waited, the worse it would be. Still, they couldn't just walk around and sneak after Daisuke, could they?

"I think he will understand." Miyako argued. "After all, we're worried about him. Maybe he wants us to find out that way!"

Iori snorted. "That's a twisted logic."

"But it could be true."

"Yeah, but…"

Takeru, who had been looking out of the window, interrupted the two. "We have to adjourn this conversation anyway – Davis is coming. What I suggest is that we all stay silent about this and meet again in a few days, preferably after the exams are over. Does that sound okay to you?"

"Good suggestion, TK." Hikari smiled. "I think that's going to work best for all of us."

Miyako sighed and leaned back on the couch. "No spying?"

"Nope."

"Aww…you're no fun."

Ken just nodded, feeling relieved at the fight that he wasn't the only one who had noticed that something was amiss there. Even though Daisuke could be annoying at times, they all loved him dearly and would hate to see something bad happen to him.

* * *

_Friends…ha. Sometimes I wonder…I wonder if there's something like real friendship._

_I mean, look at Jun. There she is, at hospital, during a time when she would need her friends the most…and suddenly they are all too busy, or they decide that they aren't that close friends anymore…Barely anyone comes to visit her. A few times, but nothing frequent, as if they are afraid of seeing her being so frail…_

_It bothers her, I know it. I can see the pain in her eyes everytime she asks me to tell stories about my friends. And it makes me wonder…what if our positions were reversed? Would my friends visit me? Would they come day after day, bearing with my decreasing strength, my bald skull, my obvious illness?_

_Never before I doubted my friends, but now, I cannot help it. Yet I simply cannot believe that Ken, for example, would leave me on my own. No, not him. He would visit me, and he wouldn't care about my appearance._

_I wish I could give my friends to my sister. She needs them desperately._

_Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

He looked down at his hands and noticed to his dismay that they were trembling.

"Shit," Daisuke cursed under his breath and tried to hide them in his pockets, so that nobody would see the effects of his fatigue. It became more difficult to hide with each passing day, but then again, exams would be over soon and then he could sleep as long and much as he wanted to.

The boy smiled at Miyako's sister who was behind the counter of the little shop, and then he went up the stairs which led to the apartment, Veemon trailing closely behind.

To his dismay, he discovered that everybody else was already there.

"Oops – am I too late?" he asked sheepishly. "Sorry 'bout that."

Miyako sent him a scolding glance. "You really should know better, Davis. Everybody else was here on time!"

"You always have to wait for the important people," Daisuke said with an air of importance and sat down on the floor, since all the seats had been taken. There was a pile of sweets on the coffee table and he eyed them with interest. "So, why are we meeting?"

Hikari shrugged. "Just for some chilling after the first exam. We won't be long, but it's nice to talk about something else for a chance – I'm getting sick of numbers and dates."

"Yeah, so let's please _not_ talk about questions and answers," Takeru added with a painful look on his face. "I'd like to forget about that as soon as possible. And if anyone starts asking things like 'what did you write for question 17b, then I'm going to start screaming!"

"Man, you're so right!" Daisuke agreed happily. "I'll be so glad when this is over!" And in more ways than one, he added in his thoughts.

Miyako leaned forward, studying the auborn-haired boy intently. She hadn't seen him quite as frequently as the other kids during the last days. However, after having listened to their concern, she wanted to make sure that they weren't juyst imagining things.

She had to admit, she probably wouldn't have noticed – Daisuke was awfully good at fooling people – but he really didn't look to well. His whole skin was pale and waxen, and his movements were slow and lacked energy. He looked as if he hadn't gotten enough sleep in days, and there was a haunted expression on his face that made her shudder.

No, this wasn't just stress. The others had been right – something was amiss here.

Miyako frowned and adjusted her glasses, as she always did when she was thinking. Somehow, it didn't feel right, not adressing this issue. She was the digidestined of sincerity, after all. How could she _not_ ask?

"Say, Davis," she started, "You look a bit strained. Are you sure you're okay? You look awfully pale."

Daisuke froze and everybody else seemed to hold their breath. "W-what do you mean by that?" he stammered.

The lavender-haired girl rolled her eyes, never one for patience. "I meant exactly what I said. I've got the feeling that you're not as well as you want us to believe, and I wonder why that is. I mean, we are friends after all, or at least we were the last time I checked. I think you're hiding something. Are you?"

"Miyako." Hikari hissed under her breath, annoyed at the fact that the girl was so obviously ignoring their previous decision. Hadn't they agreed to give Daisuke a little bit more time?

But Miyako ignored her. She had her own reasons for asking, and she didn't want to be interrupted. Her purple eyes focused on the brown-haired boy, waiting for a response.

Veemon, caught in the middle between the two, frowned in concern, wishing that he could tell, but not daring to break his promise.

Daisuke gulped and for a moment, all kinds of emotions played over his face. Weariness, exhaustion, and an incredible pain. Then they were gone, and the girl watched astonished as a mask slid into place. In the matter of mere seconds, Daisuke suppressed all those upwelling emotions and hid them somewhere deep inside.

Miyako couldn't help but admire this ability; she hadn't known that Daisuke possessed such a control over his emotions. Who would have guessed? After all, he was as hot-tempered as her. Usually, that is.

"I'm fine, just a bit stressed." he said in a flat voice.

The girl tilted her head. "You didn't answer my question."

"Which question?"

"Are you hiding something?" She knew that she would get scolded for this later, but she simply couldn't stop. Miyako knew that Daisuke hated lying, and if she asked directly…he had to answer. Of course, they had agreed not to ask, but that was before she had seen how miserable the boy really was. She'd gladly take the consequences if she could only bring a little bit of light into this matter.

However, Daisuke paled and refused to answer.

Ken chose that moment to interject, fearing that Miyako might chase their friend away. "It's just that we're worried, Davis." he explained in a soft voice. "We can see that something is wrong with you, and we'd like to help. But you won't let us near you, and…and it hurts." He took a deep breath. "You can trust us – trust me, you know that, don't you? If you've got any problems, then don't hesitate to tell them, alright? Because it does make things a lot easier…"

Daisuke looked at his best friend as if he had gone mad. Telling them everything? About Jun? About what was happening to his sister? He couldn't!

As if he had read his thoughts, Veemon came to his side. "One day you have to tell them, Dai-chan." He whispered. "Now's as good as anytime."

He looked at his digimon partner, and then at his friends, a fearful look on his face.

There was Hikari, with a gentle, yet worried smile, Gatomon stretched out on the couch beside her. Miyako, Hawkmon by her side, a frown marrying her beautiful features. Iori, with a stoney look on his face, not betraying his emotions. Takeru, with Patamon in his lap, blue eyes full of concern. And Ken, with Wormmon in his hands, regarding him with a sad expression full of understanding and kindness.

And all of sudden, Daisuke knew. He knew that he would have to tell them, and he dreaded it. He had been bottling things up for so long, he didn't know what would happen if he let them out.

"Not now." He croaked, begging for a little bit more time. "I appreciate your concern, but please…you have to understand that I can't tell you now. After the exams…when we're done and the exams are over…then, maybe, I can tell, but not now…"

His friends exchanged confused glances. They couldn't understand why he was so upset by this, yet they could see how important it was for the distressed boy.

"Why until after the exams?" Takeru wanted to know. "I don't understand…"

Daisuke bit his lip. "I will tell you…it's just, I need to get the exams done first, it's a promise, you see…please, don't ask me any more questions!" There was a desperate plea in his voice.

"Alright." Hikari agreed gently, now even more worried than before. "We'll wait. We won't bother you until the exams are over. But Davis…if you need any help, don't hesitate to come to us."

"We're there for you." Ken added.

Miyako nodded. "Yep. We might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but we're still your friends!" And she smiled mischievously, a desperate attempt to lighten up the mood.

Daisuke took a deep breath, inwardly scolding himself for his outburst and smiled back. Somehow the fact that his friends would be there for him, no matter what happened, made life a little bit easier. And he would tell them. Just a few more days.

"Thank you."

After all, the pain was his and his alone.

* * *

_Little Dragon_

_Stretch your wings and fly_

_Leave behind the burden you bear_

_And soar through the skies_

_Like you always did_

_Mind and spirit free_

* * *

**To be continued...**

_As always, reviews would be greatly appreciated_

**ashes2ashes** – Duh, I absolutely LOVED your fic Excuses. I don't know if I ever reviewed for it, though…I'm getting kind of lax in the review department lately. Now that you mention it, there are some similarities O.o I never noticed, it has been such a long time since I read your story. I sincerely apologize; it was never my intention to steal your idea. Though it probably influenced me a bit, even when I wasn't aware of it. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, I'm really flattered that such a great author as you reads my humble little story!

**Puppeh** – How long? Eh. No idea. I never know how long my stories are going to be. Depends on my muses and my time :)

**Dark Quiviut** – Bad feeling, eh? You could be right with that – I've got quite a bad feeling myself. :smiles: BTW, I checked the story you told me about and I really liked it. Do you know more stories of that kind?

And thanks to everybody else who has reviewed – I simply haven't the time to respond to all right now, maybe next time. Sorry 'bout that, but be assured, you made my day!


	5. Shutdown

**Disclaimer:** This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

**Genre:** Tragedy/Drama

**Rating:** PG-13

**Criticism**: Always welcome, as long as it's constructive.

**Summary:** "In order to keep sane, I need to continue pretending. Because otherwise, my whole world would fall apart…" (Daisuke-centric)

**Notes:** Not much to say. The last chapters were leading up to this…more or less. I don't like the dream. It sounds stupid – I simply couldn't get the writing right. :growls:

* * *

**Little Dragon**

_by Kaeera_

**Chapter Five: Shutdown**

_I can't give up._

_I can't give up._

_I can't give up._

_I can never give up. People are relying on me. Jun is relying on me. I cannot let them down. They need me. I can't afford to be weak. I need to be strong. I need to protect my friends. I need to protect Jun. I can't feel any pain. I'm not allowed to feel pain. Can't show it. _

_But it's tearing me apart. It hurts. It's painful._

_Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I'm feeling. I'm worthless. Who cares if I go down? Nobody. It doesn't matter. Daisuke Motomiya is a nobody. My feelings are irrelevant._

_But I can help. I can help others in their troubles, and thus, I can be someone. I can be a friend._

_That's why I cannot show weakness._

_Jun is the one with the problems. She is hurting, and more so than me, because after all, it's her who's sick. I should be supporting her, all the time, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I don't want to visit her. I don't want to see her haggard face, her bald head, I don't want to be reminded of the fact that my sister is seriously ill. I want to flee, want to escape the hospital, want to go outside and play, feel the fresh air, eat chocolate ice-cream, do anything but seeing my sister…_

_And then I feel guilty. It proves me how weak I am. How can I be thinking of my own pleasure while Jun is fighting for her life? How ignorant, arrogant, egoistic! How cruel!_

_That's why I can't show my feelings. I cannot let other people know how weak I am. It is important. _

_But it hurts so much…_

_-Daisuke's Notes_

_

* * *

_

Later, Daisuke would never know how he survived the following couple of days. Instant coffee played a big part in it – he was basically inhaling the stuff. Real coffee tasted yucky, but those instant can drinks, with the added sugar…he quite liked them. And there was enough caffeine in them to wake an elephant. Two elephants.

Between writing exams and trying to continue living without collapising, hours and days blurred together. Getting out of bed, gulping down the first coffee in the morning, racing to school, exam, and then home again, studying, trying to sleep…

In total, there were four days of exams, but there could have been twenty – time just dragged and dragged until he couldn't stand it anymore. Daisuke barely talked with the others, totally lost in his own little world.

He felt a bit like sleep-walking, and was surprised to find that he actually did quite well in most of his exams. Well, at least he felt that he did quite well. There hadn't been any questions where he had just written nothing, which was a big improvement in his opinion.

"Time's over." The teacher announced, and Daisuke blinked.

He looked at his sheet and carefully placed his pen on the table. Finished. The last exam – English – was completed. He had done it. He had survived. It was over. And he really had given his best.

He should have been happy. He should have shouted in joy.

But Daisuke couldn't gather the energy. And so he simply sat there, staring at his hands, while his classmates jumped up from their chairs, started cheering and singing or dancing through the classroom. It was the utmost chaos, and everybody who had a spare glance for Daisuke wondered why he didn't join in. Usually, the brown-haired boy would have been in the front row, joining in the fun and laughter.

But not today. Eyes dull and heavy, he finally dragged himself up from the table and slung the backpack over his shoulder.

_Something is wrong with me_, he realized suddenly. _Why am I not happy? Why don't I celebrate_?

He desperately tried to find a bit of happiness in himself, but he encountered only emptiness.

_I feel so tired._

And it was true. The exhaustion crept up on him, and even the simple task of walking down the stairs seemed impossible. While the other kids raced out of the room, a mass of excited and shouting students, he trailed behind, concentrating on placing one foot behind the other.

All he wanted to do was go home, lie down and go to sleep. He'd promised Jun to drop by, but that could wait until later in the evening, so there was still time to catch a couple of hours sleep.

Sleep…the word sounded so sweet to his ears. No books to read, nothing to study, and he didn't even have to feel guilty about it, as he had done over the last couple of days. He could simply sleep! Ah, what bliss!

Daisuke rubbed his aching temples. Now the only thing was the caffeine in his blood. In the haste his morning, he had drained three of those coffee drinks, and whilst they had done their job – kept him awake during the exam – the slowly evolving headache now told him that consuming too much caffeine wasn't too good, either.

_Caffeine and lack of sleep. Hmm. I remember our biology teacher saying something about that, but I can't remember what…_

He shook his head. It was getting harder to focus, and so he dismissed the thought as he slowly walked down the hallway. There were noises all around him, people hugging and shouting, dancing and laughing, but it went past him in a blur.

Daisuke didn't even notice that his dazed walk earned him quite a few surprised stares. To see Daisuke Motomiya without his friends was unusual. To see Daisuke Motomiya moving slowly, especially after school was over, was unheard of. To see Daisuke Motomiya with an almost depressed expression on his face was just not possible.

People kept whispering, wondering what was wrong with the begoggled boy. There were quite a few jokes going around, but Daisuke didn't care. What did they know? What did they know about the real Daisuke, about his sister, about his worries?

_Nothing_, he thought in contempt, _they know nothing about me, only what they see, and that's just a mask_.

He shifted the backpack on his shoulders. _But it's not just them. It's me who has changed. But who wouldn't? So much happened…_

His thoughs trailed back to the day when he had first learned about Jun's illness. How long ago had it been? Three months?

It seemed like an eternity. Before that day, he had been blissfully happy. No real worries. Friends. A happy life. A family that was…well, alright, he guessed. There was not much of a relationship between him and his parents. But he had been used to it. It could have been worse.

_Maybe this whole thing would be easier if my parents actually took me for serious. Can't they see that I am hurting, too?_

"Hey Davis!" a voice shouted behind him, startling him out of his reverie. "We're done! I can't believe it! We're finished! It's all over!"

It took his brain a while to register that it was Hikari who was waving at him cheerfully. He shook his head, trying to clear his vision. Why was everything so blurry?

"That's nice." he replied and winced at how weak his voice sounded.

"Davis?" The delighted expression on Hikari's face vanished as she took a closer look at her friend. Daisuke didn't seem to be able to focus on her, instead his eyes stared were distant, almost empty. It was kind of scary. "Are you alright?"

_Funny, I never knew that Hikari is so blurry. No, that's not her. It's me seeing strange things. _

"I'm fine." The answer had become so automatic that he didn't even need to think about it anymore.

Hikari threw up her hands in frustration. "You're not fine! Look at you, you're barely standing upright…oh Davis, I wish you would tell me what's wrong with you, are you sick?"

He wasn't sick. He just needed sleep, didn't she see that? All he needed was sleep, and everything would be fine…he should just go, go and leave her, go home and sleep…

But when Daisuke tried to move his legs, they wouldn't obey him. Dumbly, he stared down at them. Funny. Everything seemed to tilt sideways. Huh? What was Hikari doing there? Why was she swaying like that?

"Oh no, come on, sit down, you're going to fall…" There was a note of panic in her voice, he noticed with an odd feeling of detachment.

_Why should I fall? I'm standing here, am I not?_

Still, he allowed himself to be led away by Hikari, too tired to protest. Then another person arrived, but he couldn't be bothered to lift his head and look at him. Vaguely, he noticed that Hikari had started talking with the stranger…no, it wasn't a stranger, it was…Takeru?

"I don't know what's wrong with him, he's, like, zoning out or something… I'm afraid that he's going to faint, we should better bring him to the school nurse…"

"Davis? Can you hear me?" Someone waved in front of his face.

_I sure can hear you, TK…just don't feel like answering. Hmm. Since when does TK have black eyes? Oh no, those are sunglasses…are they? Why is he wearing sunglasses? Gee. Everything's getting kind of fuzzy here._

"No Davis, don't faint…sit down…Davis…DAVIS!"

_Too late._

And finally, the darkness that had been at the edge of his vision for so long, swallowed him up until he knew no more.

* * *

_little dragon, _

_I am writing to you_

_becauseI want you to remember these lines_

_they contain all my love_

_my pride_

_and my thoughts_

_about my little dragon, who's so strong_

_and still cries at night_

_hot, fiery tears, hidden in the darkness_

* * *

Hikari let out a high-pitched yelp when Daisuke slumped down without warning. She and Takeru barely managed to catch the boy before he crashed to the ground. 

"Davis!" she shook her unconscious friend, trying to find out what was wrong. But Daisuke wouldn't respond. His head lolled back and forth and his eyes stayed firmly closed.

Hikari exchanged an anxious glance with Takeru. "We have to carry him to the nurse!"

The blonde boy only nodded, grabbing his friend under the shoulders. "Gee," he was startled "He's so light! Did he lose weight?"

"It wouldn't surprise me, with all the stuff that seems to be going through his head." Hikari muttered darkly. "There is something wrong, and he won't tell us! It drives me mad! Why doesn't he trust us?"

"Ask me something easier." Takeru shook his head, as they slowly made their way to the infirmary. "I've never been able to see into Daisuke's head. You always think that he wears his feelings on his sleeve, but then comes a time like this, and zack, he's like Yamato all of sudden!"

The blonde felt frustrated. Weren't they friends? True, he wasn't as close to Daisuke as Ken might be, but he still considered him as one of his best mates. Yet he didn't have the slightest clue what was wrong with him!

Hikari bit her lower lip, glancing worriedly at Daisuke. Had he been this pale in the morning? And those shadows under his eyes, they seemed to be getting bigger with each passing day. Plus, Takeru was right – he had lost weight. The girl could feel the rips under his shirt, and that frightened her more than anything.

Daisuke loved eating, and nothing edible – be it chocolate, chips or the old soggy sandwich in the cafeteria nobody wanted to have – was safe from him. Somehow, Hikari couldn't imagine what kind of trouble would stop her friend from eating.

A wave of relief swept over her as she spotted the nurse's room. Maybe they would find out more about what was wrong with their friend.

"I'll talk with the nurse, and you phone the others, alright?" Takeru suggested. "They'd want to know, and it wouldn't be wrong to inform his parents, either. They can come and pick him up, or drive him…" he trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished, but Hikari knew it anyway. _Drive him to the hospial._ God, she hoped it wasn't that serious.

"Okay," she agreed, and then they opened the door and carried Daisuke inside.

* * *

...lost...

* * *

Hikari looked at her cellphone, chewing her bottom lip in thought. Just now, she had called every single one of their friends she could reach, and nearly every answer had been the same – 'I'll be there in a minute'. However, she simply couldn't reach Daisuke's parents, nor his sister. It was typical, she mused, Daisuke's parents were never there for him. Well, at least that was how she observed it. 

With a shrug, she put the cellphone into her pocket, walking back into the infirmary, were Takeru was talking with the nurse. Making the phone calls had taken longer than she had expected, and the woman was just finishing her examination.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked softly, trying to hide the anxiousness in her voice.

The woman – her name tag read 'Kazuko Miharu' – didn't reply at first, an unreadable expression on her face. "What has this boy been doing over the last days?" she then inquired aggrivatedly.

They both blinked. "Uhm…writing his exams?" Takeru offered.

"Writing exams doesn't explain the state he is in!" She seemed angry, but they couldn't decide if she was angry at Daisuke or at them or at the world in general.

"Uhm, Kazuko-sensei..." Hikari ventured. "What exactly is this state Daisuke is in? You see, we were worried about him, but he wouldn't tell us what was wrong…"

The nurse sighed and threw another glance at the boy on the bed. Daisuke looked awfully small and pale.

"Well, you see…" she began, "He's almost malnourished! Has he been eating correctly? Or does he have an eating disorder? And he doesn't seem to be getting enough sleep, either…utterly exhausted, he is. I'm amazed that he managed to go to school in his state, yet alone write his exams. Hmm…caffeine might have something to do with that…or maybe even…"

Kazuko Miharu looked up suddenly, her eyes ice-cold. "Is he taking drugs?"

"DRUGS?" Both Hikari and Takeru were so surprised by this question that they nearly yelled the word. Then Takeru started laughing. "Davis and drugs? No, honestly…he's the least person I'd expect to take any drugs, for sure!"

Hikari nodded fiercely. "He would never take any! Davis isn't the type for that. Why do you ask such a horrid question?"

"Because it would explain the state he is in." the nurse frowned. "It could be that it's due to malnutrition and lack of sleep, but then he must have been going on like that for weeks…impossible!"

Impossible? Was it? Hikari tilted her head, remembering how subdued Daisuke had been during the last couple of weeks. Had it been because he wasn't sleeping? And what about eating? How could he be malnourished, he had been eating with them during each lunch break…yeah, but…

"TK…" she whispered softly, her eyes still fixed on Daisuke's pale face. "He hasn't been eating."

The blonde boy shook his head. "But..no, Hikari, you must be wrong, he went with us to lunch break every day, like he always does, and he…" He didn't finish, his blue eyes widening as he realized the truth.

The girl nodded. "He went with us, but I haven't seen him eating for ages! He always said he wasn't hungry, or he had to go somewhere else, or he already had eaten, stuff like that…TK, he wasn't eating, _and we didn't notice_!"

It stung. I hurt her, deep in her heart, and made her feel guilty. Something had been wrong with Daisuke, and they hadn't noticed it. The not-eating part should have been an obvious sign, but she had shrugged it off, thinking it as unimportant. She had been so wrapped up in the preparations for the exams that she hadn't even bothered to investigate…

"We could have helped him." she said in a wobbly voice. "Then this would have never happened."

Takeru simply stared at her, mouth agape. Now that Hikari mentioned it, he saw that she was right. There had been something wrong with Daisuke, and he had given them enough hints, but they had been too stupid to pick them up. Or maybe even too lazy. Too egoistical.

"Oh no!" he groaned and slapped his hand on his face. Then he turned towards the nurse, who had followed their little exchange with a confused expression. "I'm afraid that he wasn't eating. We…didn't really notice." Oh, how shameful it felt to say those words!

"You didn't notice?" Kazuko Miharu raised an eyebrow, but luckily, she didn't inquire any further. "Anyway, I strongly recommend that he's going to get examined by a real doctor. Right now, he's sleeping, and that's the best he can do, but as soon as he wakes up, I will send him to the hospital for a check up."

"Thank you." Takeru said politely. "Is it alright for us to wait until he wakes up?"

"If you want to – but it could take a couple of hours, he's, as I said, utterly exhausted."

"That's fine." The blonde turned to Hikari. "I think we need to have a chat with the others."

She nodded. "We can meet them outside the infirmary, so that they won't disturb him. They…they will want to know what happened, and you know how vocal Miyako can be."

"Oh yes, I do." Takeru smiled weakly. "Did you contact his parents?"

"I tried, but there's nobody at home."

"What about Jun?"

She shook her head sadly. "I don't have her mobile number."

Takeru cursed under his breath. The more he learned about his friend's situation, the more he realized that something must be seriously wrong. Daisuke wasn't the type to withdraw when faced with trouble. No, usually he would take them head first, with the stubborn attitude they all knew so well.

What could have changed his mind in this one? And why had he kept his friends out of it? Didn't he trust them anymore? Or had he tried to protect them?

Drugs, the nurse had said. Would Daisuke take drugs? No, definitely no.

But could he be sure? The boy on the bed seemed so different from the friend he knew and loved.

"We just have to wait until he wakes up." Takeru whispered softly to himself.

Hikaru put a comforting hand on his shoulders, but he could read the same pain in her eyes. They had failed their friend. And it hurt.

"We should meet the others." She suggested softly. "It's time that we find out what is wrong."

Takeru only nodded.

* * *

_I like football. Why, do you ask?_

_Because when I am playing…when I am on the field…then it's just me and the team. Me and the ball. Everything else is forgotten. I want to play, I want to win, I want to run, to feel, to live! Yes, that's what it's like – it feels alive. I'm me when I am playing football. Only me, nobody else. I'm neither the leader of the Digidestined, nor the failure at school. I'm just Daisuke._

_And it feels good._

_I miss that feeling. I haven't been able to feel that in a long, long time. And sometimes I wonder…_

_Will I ever feel it again?_

_-Daisuke's Notes_

* * *

Jun looked up from her sheet of paper. She couldn't explain it, but all of sudden, a feeling of uneasiness washed over her. "Strange," she muttered, gnawing on the pen. 

Unconsciously, she wanted to brush the hair out of her face, only to realize that it was no longer there. Hot tears stung in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She had done enough crying over the last days.

"Don't cry. Finish the letter." She whispered to herself.

But the writing prove to be more difficult than she would have imagined. She couldn't concentrate for long; the medication made her all dizzy and the letters would blur in front of her eyes.

"Concentrate, Motomiya." she reprimanded herself, disgusted by her own weakness.

Sticking out her tongue, she continued writing once more, her bald head bent over the paper. It gave her something to focus on. The hospital, the confinement, her illness, it all drove her mad. She was surrounded by sick people, by suffering and sorrow.

With a pang she remembered Ruby, the little girl in the room down the corridor, who had been lying in a coma ever since Jun arrived. The older Motomiya had taken a strange liking to this girl. More than once, she had snuck into her room at night, just watching her sleep. It made her wonder – what was Ruby thinking?

Was she awake?

Did she know what was going on?

Or was her mind somewhere else? Was she dreaming?

Jun didn't know, but there were endless possibilities. Ruby looked so small and pale, fragile, like a girl. She should be outside and play, running around with red cheeks, her laughter sparkling like the stars at night. Instead, she was confined to the hospital, a tube in her throat, pale, weak, ghastly.

There wasn't much hope left, the nurses murmured. She was too young, too weak.

Hearing that had made her cry. She didn't want Ruby to die. Even though she had never talked with the girl, she regarded her with fondness.

"You have to be strong." Jun whispered, closing her eyes as tears threatened to fall. "Like I try to be strong. I don't want to die. I want to live. I want to survive!"

She looked down at the lines she had written. "What am I saying? I know that I am dying…I am DYING, for Gods' sake…and Ruby's dying as well, everybody's dying, and I will never be able to leave this damn hospital…"

Furiously, she flung the pen at the wall where it broke with a satisfying, snapping noise. "I hate it! I hate how everybody's tiptoeing around me, as if they have to wrap me in cotton! I want to know, I want to know so that I can be prepared…am I dying? Will I survive?"

Jun breathed hard, tears running down her ashen face. There was nobody who could hear her rantings, but that didn't matter. She needed to get the feelings off her chest, otherwise she would explode. It was this constant to and fro that made life unbearable. She was torn between hoping and falling into despair; between thinking what she had to arrange for her death and what she would do when she could leave the hospital.

She needed to _know_.

Jun sighed, trying to calm down. She knew all too well that nobody really knew. They could only suspect – and hope.

Still, that didn't make it easier. Not for her, and not for her family. She could see it in their eyes, even though they never said anything. She could see her brother's naked fear. Oh yes, he was trying to play his role, tried to be cheerful, and Jun was grateful for that. She wouldn't know how to deal with a teary Daisuke.

However, he was hurting. He was scared that she would die and leave him behind. They weren't the closest of siblings, but they were still brother and sister, and nobody could deny them this bond.

Jun dropped her head in defeat. "I'm not made for this stuff." she exclaimed to nobody in particular. Then, with a heavy sigh on her lips, she bent over and snatched another pen from the table.

* * *

_little dragon_

_come flying, come with me_

_stretch your wings and hold your breath_

_little dragon_

_feel the air under your wings, come_

_don't be afraid of the last step_

_little dragon_

_life is one big adventure_

_but what comes next, we don't know_

* * *

Veemon looked gloomily out of the window. He wished Daisuke would have taken him with him, but he knew that Digimon weren't allowed at the exam. Still, he felt desperate. He knew that his partner needed him more than ever, yet he wasn't there. It was a terrible feeling, and the digimon hated it with a passion. 

Not even eating could cheer him up, which was a new experience for Veemon.

"Davis…" he sighed, feeling terribly lonely in the dark apartment. The rooms were abandonded, like they had been over the last weeks.

Jun's room was closed and Daisuke's parents would only come home to eat and sleep.

The Digimon sighed again, wondering how he could help his partner. He knew that Daisuke wasn't handling the situation very well, but he just wouldn't talk with him!

Veemon couldn't help but wonder what he did wrong. Maybe he was a pathetic partner after all; he'd bet that Gatomon or Patamon would know exactly what to do. They were so much better at this kind of stuff than he would ever be!

"Oh Davis…I'm so sorry…" tears glistened in his large eyes. "I want to help you, but you won't let me, and I don't know what to do…"

* * *

...pain...

* * *

_Daisuke stared at the wall in confusion. Why was there a wall? And why was he standing so close to it that his nose almost touched the concrete?_

_Wait…hadn't he been in the school just now? _

_Yes, he had! Dimly he remembered exams, and the worried face of Hikari. Hikari? Worried? Why?_

_He tried to remember, but he couldn't_. _His mind was just a big, black hole. Only a vague feeling of uneasiness lingered in the corner of his mind, telling him that something wasn't quite right, even though he believed it to be._

_Daisuke stepped back from the wall – he was getting a bit bored of staring at concrete – and examined his surroundings. As far as he could see, he was in a normal street, nothing special. How had he gotten here?_

"_I don't want to GO!" a whiny voice interrupted his thoughts, and he nearly jumped in shock. _

"_I don't care what you want, Mum said you have to and I'm only following her orders!" was the grumpy reply, spoken in a girlish voice. _

_Daisuke's eyes widened. He knew those voices…but that couldn't be happening, could it?_

_Transfixed, he stared into the direction the sounds had come from. He heard footsteps, and then two people came around the corner. _

_The first thing he noticed about them were the identical, spiky haircuts. There was a small, maybe six year old boy and an older, lanky girl who must have been around ten. They both had brown hair, although there was a tint of red in the boy's hair, a tint, as Daisuke knew all too well, that would become more apparant as he grew older._

"_No." he whispered. "This must be a hallucination."_

_However, if it was, then it was a quite solid one, for the two children continued walking towards him. "I don't WANNA!" the boy emphasized. "Stupid Jun!"_

_The girl rolled her eyes heavenwards. "It's not my fault, baka! Mom said so, go and complain to her!"_

"_But she's not here."_

"_Well, then shut up and be quiet."_

"_NO!"_

_Jun – for this girl was definitely his sister (who else could look this annoyed?) – gritted her teeth, trying her best not to explode. Little brothers could be such a nuisance!_

"_Look, you either shut up or I make you shut up!" she threatened, a glint of malice in her eyes. "There's nothing you can do to change this, so bear it like a man."_

_Daisuke's knees felt weak. He knew this exchange, remembered it so well. It had been his first time to go to football practise, ever. And, as surprising as it might sound, he hadn't wanted to go. He despised the idea of meeting all those new people. He'd rather have played with his own friends around the block. _

_But no, his parents had insisted. Sport was good for children, they always said, good for health and spirit. And so they sent him off, to the football club that was around the corner, because it was the easiest and cheapest way._

_Daisuke had felt as if they wanted to get rid of him. However, those feelings changed totally as soon as he realized how great football was. _

_But all this didn't explain why he saw a younger version of himself walking down the street. The boy was pouting, a stubborn frown on his face, and Daisuke remembered all too clearly that he had been going there with the firm intention of hating everything. _

_Then he gazed at Jun, and realized with a jolt how small she was. She had always been his bigger sister who'd he been looking up to, until his late teenage years, when he had finally been able to outgrow her. So it was only understandable that in all his memories, Jun appeared as a towering force, usually glaring at him._

_Seeing her as a ten-year old girl, a good head smaller than him, was quite weird._

_Daisuke shook his head. "I'm not drunk, am I?" He patted his body, looking for some kind of reason why he was seeing things that shouldn't be there._

_Then his face lit up. "Oh, I _

know…of course!" How could he have missed it? If all of this wasn't possible, and he was just experiencing a weird flashback of some sort, then the obvious conclusion was…

"_I must be dreaming."_

_

* * *

_

**To be continued…**

* * *

Thank you all very much for reviewing! It makes me feel so happy!

ashes2ashes – Yes, I wrote the poem, and I think it's already getting obvious what the purpose of it is in the story…at least I hope so. The scene with Jun should have been a dead giveaway :-) I know what you mean about Daisuke. I simply cannot believe that there's nothing deeper in this boy…and I like showing this deeper part, although it might be a bit too deep and angsty…ah well.

Puppeh – Well, I'm glad that you like it that much. I always try to update as quickly as possible, but it doesn't always work. Writer's block is an ugly enemy…:sighs:.

Dark Qiviut – You read reviews of other stories? I rarely do that…well, maybe sometimes, but most of the times, I can't be bothered. Daisuke and okay? Hmm, knowing me and my sense of angstiness, it will be a long time until he's okay again…

Mist – I totally agree with your opinion about Davis and TK. I think they would make great friends because they're different. TK thinks things through, why Davis possesses this certain boldness I always admire…As much as I like Daikari, I think it would be silly to portray them as enemies just because the fancy the same girl. Most of the times, I cannot imagine Takeru fancying Hikari – they are more like siblings in my eyes.

Ficmaster – You were right – he cracked! (was kind of obvious that this had to happen). Wonder what will happen next:g:

Hijojo – The switching names…:laughs:. I admit, this is some kind of habit I got into…basically, I prefer the Japanese names. I use the American names (TK, Kari, Davis) as a kind of nickname when they are talking to each other. When I am writing about them, I use the Japanese names…is that confusing? I dunno, I just started doing it and I actually like it that way…O.o It's one of those weird things that are going on in the mess Kaeera calls her mind…

Duskmon87 – Well, question one was answered with this chapter, and as for question two: No. There will be no sequel for Empty Eyes and Soulless Eyes. They have been finished a long time ago – I wouldn't know what to write anyway. Besides, I hate my writing style back then, it's so full of mistakes and sounds absolutely horrible. Sorry…but no sequels (I'm not a sequel-writing person).


	6. Feathers in the Wind

**Disclaimer:** This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

**Genre:** Tragedy/Drama

**Rating:** T (just to be safe)

**Criticism:** Always welcome, as long as it's constructive.

**Summary:** "In order to keep sane, I need to continue pretending. Because otherwise, my whole world would fall apart…" (Daisuke-centric)

**Notes: **Long delay, I know. First I was backpacking in Australia (outback, Darwin, rainforest) and then I flew home to Germany. I had a big blast meeting all my friends and family again after being away for a year, but I didn't get any writing done. Plus, I somehow lost my inspiration for this story (which really sucks). Don't be surprised if you don't like this chapter; it's pretty crappy.

* * *

**Little Dragon**

_by Kaeera_

**Chapter Six: Feathers in the wind**

"He just collapsed?"

"Why? Is he sick?"

"I don't know, the doctor didn't say anything-"

"…but he-"

"I can't believe-"

"Did anyone contact his parents?"

"Tried…no one there."

"Why didn't we notice sooner? Why didn't we do anything?"

"…totally exhausted…"

"…somebody should get Veemon…"

"-still at home?"

"I'll get him later…"

"…good, so that…"

_Yuck. Couldn't they be silent? Hey, he just wanted to sleep! He hadn't been able to sleep properly in months, and now they were taking this last pleasure of him? Oh, they'd never hear the end of it…if only he wasn't so tired, if he only had enough power to open his eyes and tell them to shut up…_

The light filtered through the closed curtains, painting a strange, irregular pattern on the floor. Three beds were in the room, each of them separated by curtains who gave a limited amount of privacy. But they didn't keep the noise at bay, and so the faint beeping of the heart monitors and breathing machines mixed with the occasional mumbling to form a surreal background noise.

Outside in the corridor, the little group clustered together, scared by the unfamiliar surroundings. Nurses and doctors kept walking past, and everyone seemed to be too busy to talk with a bunch of kids.

So they waited.

It seemed such a long time ago when they had celebrated their final exam. Now, anxiousness hung over them like the sword of Damocles.

Something was wrong with their begoggled friend, but they didn't know what. Was he ill? Depressed? Did he have any problems?

Questions over questions ran through their minds, but none of them could find any answers.

"Maybe he's just exhausted." Miyako said for the sixth time, trying to ease the anxiousness of the others. Truth to be said, she knew that it wasn't that simple, but she didn't want to think of other possibilities.

"Maybe." Takeru replied, only to fill the uncomfortable silence between them.

Hikari shook her head. She had seen Davis. There was something wrong with him, and it wasn't mere exhaustion.

Iori was sensible, as usual. "Tying ourselves in knots won't help him either."

"You're right. But I hate waiting!"

Takeru sighed. "That's not how I imagined my after-exam celebrations."

"I guess neither of us did."

An unfamiliar voice interrupted their conversation. "Are you Daisuke Motomiya's friends?"

"Yes. Inoue Miyako," the lavender haired girl introduced herself, eyeing the doctor standing behind them.

Hikari bowed politely. "Hikari."

"Iori."

"Ken."

"Takeru." The blonde boy noticed the pad in the doctor's hand. "Are you treating Davis? What's wrong with him?

"Easy, easy," the man smiled. He had to be around forty, with grey strands in his otherwise black hair. "Yes, I'm going to exam your friend, but I wanted to ask a few questions first. My name is Dr. Matsuda, by the way."

"Pleased to meet you." They all chorused.

"Your friend's name is Daisuke Motomiya, yes?" Miyako nodded enthusiastically.

The doctor frowned at his notepad. "Is he related to Jun Motomiya by any chance?"

"Oh yes, that's his sister."

"Hm. I should better send someone up to the long-term treatment ward then." Dr. Matsuda scribbled something on the paper. "She should know about this."

Ken blinked surprised. Had he heard correctly? Long-term treatment ward? "Excuse me, what do you mean by that?" he inquired in a soft voice. "Is something wrong with Jun?"

Now it was the doctor's turn to blink. "What? You don't know?"

"Know what?" Hikari's eyes widened. "Is there something wrong with Jun? Is that the reason why Davis is all weird?"

Dr.Matsuda seemed at a loss of words. He adjusted his glasses worriedly. "Well, I must admit that I expected you to know about this, after all, you are his friends and he wouldn't keep this a secret, would he?"

Ken rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Doctor, Davis didn't speak to any of us over the last months. He avoided us, and replied that he was fine every time we asked him. We knew something was amiss, but honestly, he never told us what. Please, could you tell us, what is wrong with Jun? We want to help him, but he won't let us. He's too proud, too stubborn."

The man tilted his head. "I'm not sure if I'm in the right place to tell you this…" His eyes trailed over the children who looked at him hopefully. "I'm going to get into trouble for this," he mumbled to himself and sighed.

"Jun Motomiya is very sick. She is currently receiving treatment in the long-term ward, but she is not progressing well…"

"What illness does she suffer from?" Miyako whispered.

"Cancer."

The lavender-haired girl gasped. Jun? Cancer? She couldn't imagine the cheerful redhead being sick, forced to stay in the hospital all the time. Yet it explained Daisuke's behaviour, his lacking cheerfulness. Had he kept it to himself all the time?

But why? Usually, he told them everything!

Miyako had known their leader as a person who couldn't keep any secrets, who didn't want to keep secrets. Not telling things, that was more Ken's or even Hikari's agenda! She and Daisuke, they had always been the blunt and honest ones, which had, naturally, often resulted in fights.

"Can we see her?" she blurted out, before the others even could think of something to say. "Please?"

Dr. Matsuda frowned. "That's up to her. I can tell a nurse to ask, but I don't know…"

"Please do so!" Miyako pleaded, ignoring the confused stares of the others. "We need to talk to her. And she needs to know about Daisuke."

He sent her one last, calculating look. "Alright."

* * *

Jun was bored. Very bored. And she hated being bored, because that usually resulted in her thinking about dying, and she didn't _want_ to think about dying. At least not yet. Not now.

Well, that wasn't quite right. Of course she thought about dying – who wouldn't in her situation? – and in her opinion, she was dealing with it quite well. But there's such a thing as thinking _too_ much about something.

"Argh!" she grumbled, sitting cross-legged on her bed, a book lying unopened near her feet. "I want to do something!"

Oh, how much she wished to go outside and just walk! But she knew – knew out of painful experiences – that she wouldn't even be able to make it to the other end of the corridor, yet alone outside. It was frustrating to be so weak.

"It would be easier to die in a car accident," she mused. "Because then it's just a big BANG-" she clapped her hands together, "-and then it's over. Finite. No more worrying, no more stress. Just nothing."

Jun leaned back and watched the ceiling. Maybe it would have been better that way. Maybe not. Seeing her family suffer because of her was horrible. Suffering herself was even worse.

But then again, at least she would be able to say goodbye – to say all the things you never say, because life seems endless, until it is too later.

A sad smile lit up her face. "I'm talking as if I'm gonna to die for sure. Davis is going to scold me for this."

They hadn't said it yet. They had said that there was still hope. And her stubborn, caring brother was clinging to this hope with all he had. No worries, you're going to survive, he said. Don't give up, and then we can go outside and laugh again, he smiled. Don't die, because I'll miss you, his eyes cried silently.

A knock on the door interrupted her gloomy thoughts. Jun sat up abruptly, ignoring the dizziness that swapped over her. Her parents weren't due for another couple of hours, and she had told Daisuke firmly to stay at home and celebrate with his friends. Who else could it be?

"Yes?" she asked cautiously. It was probably a nurse with yet another test, or a doctor with some lab results she didn't understand anyway.

The door opened slowly, and a boy around Daisuke's age stepped in. Jun recognized the blonde head and her eyes widened. "Takeru?"

* * *

* * *

The boy froze and stared at the figure on the bed. He had opened the door with the feeling that this had to be wrong, that maybe there had been an error…after all, Daisuke would have told them about this, wouldn't he? Jun couldn't have cancer. She just couldn't! He was so used to the energetic, yet annoying girl; he just couldn't imagine her any other way.

But now he stared into the all-too familiar face of Motomiya Jun, his best friend's sister. In the hospital. But what shocked him the most was the hair. Or better, the lack thereof.

The last time he had seen Jun, she had a mop of red hair on her head, which seemed quite untameable and very similar to Taichi's haircut. But now she was…bald. Not a single hair was left, and she looked frail, her eyes strangely big in the pale face. Takeru was used to seeing old men without hair; but someone who was only slightly older than himself?

"Takeru?" the voice was still the same, he realized with a jolt.

"Uhmm," he said, not a very intelligent answer, but he was far too shocked.

Behind him, he could hear the other digidestined murmuring. Since he was blocking the view, they didn't know what was going on.

"Takeru?" Hikari's voice floated into the room. "Can we come in?"

The blond boy regained his composure and sent a questioning look towards Jun. The girl was clearly shocked as well, but she pulled herself together and smiled. "Come in. I like having visitors."

"We didn't want to disturb you…" Takeru began and stepped aside to let the others through. "But the doctor mentioned something, and so we asked, because Davis never said somethingandwedidn'tknowthatotherwisewewouldhavehelpedyou…"

Jun blinked, both at the massive word flow and the amount of visitors. "Alright…let me get this straight…you didn't know what?"

There was a pregnant silence. "About your illness," Miyako then whispered softly, unable to tear her eyes away from the skinny girl. She couldn't imagine losing her hair like that. Miyako loved her hair dearly and would never cut it. Seeing another girl with a bald head hurt her soul. She shook her head. It shouldn't matter that much, but somehow, Jun's loss of hair seemed to underline the seriousness of the situation.

Jun blanched. "What? Davis didn't tell you?"

"No," Hikari's eyes were wide. "We knew that something was going on with him, but we didn't know what and he always evaded our questions. We didn't know that it was because you…because you were…" she couldn't bring it over her to say the words.

"What?" Jun smiled wryly. "Sick? Dying? Wasting away?"

A sigh escaped her lips. "I don't understand why he didn't tell you. I mean, I wanted him to tell you, because everybody needs friends, especially now…" a worried frown appeared on her face. "He has the tendency of trying to fight his battles on his own, my Davis. I didn't want that…if I had known, then I would have told you. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Miyako couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Jun, you're the one who's sick, you've got nothing to be sorry for! If at all, then it was our fault, because we didn't ask more, because we just led our lives, not realizing that…that…" The lavender-haired girl was close to tears. This was all too much for her. First Daisuke's collapse, and now this!

True, she didn't know Jun that well, but she was Daisuke's sister, for God's sake! And she had cancer, had lost her hair, and yet she was still sitting there, smiling at them and apologizing for something she hadn't done. So unlike the Jun she knew. The Jun they had known had been obnoxious and annoying. Now she seemed to have matured.

"H-How bad is it?" she inquired in a timid voice. "Your cancer, I mean?"

Jun looked away. "They don't tell me anymore," she whispered, her jaw muscles working. "But I'm getting weaker, and the treatment isn't helping much. I passed the critical stadium and I didn't get better, so…"

"Jun…" Hikari didn't know what to say and looked helplessly at the others. But they had equal looks of helplessness and confusion on their faces. Nobody had expected this. No wonder that Daisuke hadn't been himself lately; who would with such a threat hanging over his sister?

"But I'm strong." Jun suddenly laughed. "You know, I'm a Motomiya. We survive things like this. We're too stubborn to die. I'm not gonna die. I don't want to die."

Tears glistened in her eyes and she clutched the blankets. "That's what I always tell anyway." She looked up and the pain in her eyes was clearly visible. "Because…because talking about it makes it more real, do you understand?" She sniffed and wiped her face. "God, we're all so messed up."

Hikari couldn't stand seeing her like this. Quickly, she stepped to the bed and sat down. Tears shimmered in her own eyes as she laid her hand on Jun's shoulder. "As long as you're alive, there's hope." she whispered,

"That's right." Takeru stepped closer, too. "But if you give up, then everything's lost. You have to keep trying and hoping. We're going to help you."

Miyako and Iori nodded both vigorously, but Ken remained silent. His face was even paler than usual. Contrary to the others, he knew what it meant to lose a sibling. He remembered clearly how much it hurt, a pain that cut deeper that everything else he ever experienced. And Daisuke, his best friend, had been living with this thread for who knew how long! How could he not have noticed? Why hadn't he been able to help? He should have been there for him. He should.

"You're sweet." Jun smiled. "Just like Davis. That's what he always says. But, you know…" she closed her eyes. "Between saying that and feeling-" she touched her chest, "inside, feeling how I get weaker and weaker, watching the looks of the doctors…well, sometimes I think there's not much left to hope for."

Her face seemed vulnerable as she sat on the bed, burdened by her cruel destiny. It was easy to notice that she had lost weight, her overall appearance very frail. Her wrists were thin and delicate, her skin so pale that it appeared almost blue.

Silence fell over the room like a heavy, suffocating blanket. None of them had ever seen Jun so solemn, so serious, and so sad. What do you say to somebody who's facing death? Who lost his life, is confined to a hospital bed 24/7? There are no words to describe the misery; and there are no words to make it better. Happy ends only exist in fairytales.

And so they remained silent.

Suddenly, Jun took a deep breath. "Alright, enough of this!" she scolded herself. To her utter amazement, Hikari observed how the solemn look disappeared, to be replaced by something she could only consider as a mask. For a moment, they had seen the true Jun, but now she was hiding again. Hikari could only admire Jun's strength and willpower; but on the other hand she knew that it was self-destructive behaviour.

"No use wallowing in self-pity." Jun grinned. "So, why are you here? I gather that my brother didn't inform you about my condition, so how come you're here?"

"Well, actually we came to see Dav-" Miyako started, but was shushed by the others. She stopped, realising that it was probably the best not to upset Jun any further.

But shouldn't she know? After all, she was Daisuke's sister. Uncertainly, Miyako looked at the others. Hikari just shrugged, indicating that he had no clue how to continue the present course of conversation.

"You came to see who?" Jun questioned.

Ken took a silent breath. Best to get it over with now. "Davis. We came to see Davis."

"He collapsed at school." Hikari explained further. "And we were worried, so we came here as quickly as possible. The doctor noticed that you two had the same last name, and well, one thing led to the next."

"Davis collapsed?" Jun was shocked by this news. Then her eyes narrowed. "Tell me everything."

* * *

* * *

He blinked and opened his eyes. The blurred outline of an unfamiliar ceiling stretched over him. There was movement beside his bed, but he couldn't decipher what or who it was.

Daisuke blinked. He had never felt so tired in his entire life, but it felt so good simply lying there. Nothing to do, no worries, no studies, just him and this comfortable bed…wherever it was.

He recognized that he wasn't in his own room, but he couldn't care less. It was comfortable.

"Here, drink this," a gentle voice coaxed. "You're getting dehydrated."

Somebody held a glass with cool liquid against his lips. He drank greedily, realizing how thirsty he was.

"Now, that's better." The voice replied. "I reckon all you need is some good rest. I wonder what your parents were thinking, leaving you in a state like this, ts…" The complaining ceased into a faint mumbling.

'_My parents?_' Daisuke thought befuddled. '_They weren't thinking anything, that's the problem. But that's alright. I can look after myself. Have done it my whole life. Easy peasy_.'

Sleep pulled at him again.

"Nurse, I need your help over here!" somebody shouted from the other end of the room.

'_Nurse? Ah, so I'm in the hospital. Should have known.'_ satisfied that he knew where he was, he fell asleep again, not even wondering why he was in the hospital. The week long exhaustion finally took its toll.

* * *

_Little Dragon_

_I want you to be strong_

_But it's no shame to cry_

_It's no shame to show emotions_

_Because we are only humans_

_And humans cry _

_when they hurt_

_Humans cry_

_It's okay_

_Little Dragon_

_It's going to be okay_

_

* * *

_

Jun hugged the pillow closer to her chest. Miyako, Iori, Ken, Hikari and Takeru were spread out over the room, sitting in various chairs or on the ground. Over the last thirty minutes, they had told her all they knew; all about Daisuke's behaviour, his detachment from the group, and finally, his fatal collapse today.

In return, Jun had filled them in about her own illness, about the last months, the treatments, the hair loss and the despair that clung to each member or the family. Somehow, she felt she could be much more open to those kids than she could be to her family. In front of her brother, she had to appear strong, but now she could break down and cry. Those kids weren't that close to her, they could deal with it. Davis couldn't. Oh yes, he was strong, but not that strong. And far too stubborn for his own good. Why hadn't he said anything?

"Dammit!" she cursed. "Goddammit, DAVIS!" Jun slammed her fist down. "What use is this false show of bravado? What the hell was he thinking?"

"He probably wasn't thinking at all." Ken replied softly.

Jun rubbed her temples. She could feel the exhaustion creeping up her limbs. "He's never going to hear the end of this! And he's here right now?"

"Yes." Takeru shifted around uneasily. "Maybe it's best if one of us goes check on him. He might be awake by now."

"That's a good idea." Jun nodded. "And someone else might want to get Veemon. I have the feeling that we need his help."

"I'll do that!" Miyako volunteered. Inwardly, she was glad to be able to leave the hospital. She hated being here.

"Ken, do you want to visit Davis?" Takeru asked. "I mean, you're his best friend, you might be able to talk to him if he's awake."

Surprised, the blue haired genius nodded. "Of course."

The two got up. "See ya later." Miyako grinned cheerfully, and then the door clicked shut behind them.

Hikari turned towards Jun. She couldn't believe how pale Daisuke's sister looked! And their visit hadn't helped either. The girl could sense that Jun wasn't as strong as she'd like to let on.

It was the same with Davis, she suddenly realized. He, too, had the annoying habit of trying to appear stronger than he was. And he never realized that he was only hurting himself even more.

She exchanged a meaningful glance with Takeru. The blonde understood immediately.

"Come on, Iori. Let's get something to eat. I'm sure we can all need it!" he suggested with a smile on his lips that didn't reach his eyes.

Iori wanted to protest at first, but then he saw the determined look on Hikari's face. _A-ha_, he thought, _Girl's talk._

"That's fine with me." The serious boy nodded. "Some brownies might be nice."

"You speak out of my soul." Takeru slapped him on the shoulder. "We'll be back in a bit, guys. Don't miss us too much!" Once more, the door slammed shut.

Now only Hikari and Jun were left in the room; one girl sitting cross-legged on the bed, the other sitting on a chair.

"So," the brown-haired girl started, a kind look in her eyes. "How do you _really_ feel?"

* * *

* * *

"_Davis!"_

_He flinched at the high-pitched voice and frantically looked for a place to hide. But there was none. He was standing in an empty room that didn't have any windows._

"_DAVIS!" The voice was coming closer. His eyes fixed on the only door of the room, grey in colour. There was no way he could escape through that. Oh no, he was done for…briefly, he wondered what it was that he was afraid of, but he quickly dismissed the thought as the voice hollered again._

"_DAISUKE MOTOMIYA! I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!"_

_The door opened with a loud bang, and in barged his sister, a look of fury in her eyes. She glowered at him._

_Daisuke smiled uneasily. "Uh, hi Jun."_

_The red-haired girl held out her hand. "The control."_

"_What?" _

_She rolled her eyes. "Don't go all stupid on me. The remote control. I know that you have it. Give it to me!"_

_Ah. Now he was on familiar territory again. Daisuke started to grin. "Why should I? You didn't say the word."_

"_Da-vis." Jun stretched the syllabi in a way that meant serious business._

"_I can't hear, what did you say?" he cupped a hand behind his ear._

_Instead of replying, the older girl only snarled and flung herself at her brother. They both fell on the ground and wrestled for a bit. "HA!" Jun yelled triumphantly, holding up the remote control. "I knew you had it."_

_Daisuke held up his hands in a gesture of peace. "Alright. You won, fair and squarely."_

_A smug smile appeared on his sister's face. "You need to get better if you want to beat me, little dragon."_

"_Don't call me that!" he protested, but she only ruffled his hair._

"_But it fits so well! You're little, and you breathe fire like a dragon." Jun chuckled. "Thanks for the remote, by the way. I'm off to watch TV now. See ya, loser!"_

"_Get lost, squarehead!" Daisuke called after her. He didn't know why he was feeling uneasy all of sudden. Jun was walking away from him and he didn't like that. Normally he couldn't get rid of his sister quickly enough._

_A single feather flew past him. He followed it with his eyes and wondered where it had come from._

"_Oh, and Davis," Jun paused, her hand on the doorhandle. There was another feather, flying across her face and then disappearing into nothingness. "You're not that bad, you know?" She sent him a gentle smile._

_Daisuke's mouth fell open. Jun **never** smiled at him. She grinned, smirked, poked out her tongue, but smiling? Nicely? That was unheard of. The two siblings had been at constant war for their whole lives._

_Then he realised what she had said and was even more surprised. "I am?" he repeated dumbly._

_Jun giggled. "Oh, Davis – you're hopeless!" She opened the door and waved to him. Daisuke stretched his neck to see what lay behind the door, but he could see only darkness. "Bye-bye." _

_There was a gust of feathers, swirling in the air in a beautiful dance of white lights._

_And then she was gone._

_

* * *

_

* * *

Daisuke woke up to see Ken's face hovering about him. He blinked, trying to distinguish between dream and reality. His blue-haired friend smiled gently, his eyes full of sympathy. Only Ken's eyes could look that kind, Daisuke reflected with his sleep-befuddled mind.

He tried to smile, but it ended in a grimace of pain. With his awakening, he became aware of a pounding headache that seemed intent on drilling holes in his skull.

"Davis," Ken had apparently noticed his friend's distress. "You can't go on like this. You're destroying yourself."

He was? Daisuke frowned, trying to remember. He was so tired. He wanted to go to sleep again. But Ken wouldn't let him.

"There's no bailing out this time, Daisuke. We have to talk."

**To be continued…**

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The Light's Refrain – You're perfectly right – there are people who love Davis and people who hate him. I haven't seen much in-between. However, I think my Davis is a bit OOC as well, I tend to be a bit overdramatic (by the way, my first language is German).

Karina11 – I'm glad you like it. I reckon there are much better fics out there (just look at Silvor Moon's page); I'm just an addicted angst junkie, can't help it :D Sorry for the slow update.

Miricles-3 – Wah! Don't flatter me like that! Believe me, there are much better angst writers out there, people who have a proper plot and a decent grasp of the grammar, unlike me with my half-finished sentences. sighs depressedly Anyway, I'm still happy that you like it.

Puppeh – Sorry, I'm afraid you didn't manage to kill the writer's block. It only got worse…and worse…and worse…sobs I wonder how I'm ever going to finish this story. I seem to have lost all my muses.

Super Davis – Don't interpret too much into my writings! You should know by know that Kaeera never writes any complicated plots. It's too much for my brain :D

Sorry that I couldn't reply to everyone. I'm running out of time here…dashes away


	7. Partial Release

**Disclaimer**: This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

**Genre**: Tragedy/Drama

**Rating**: T (just to be safe)

**Criticism**: Always welcome, as long as it's constructive.

**Notes**: Uh…Three months since the last update? Uwaahh…I'm sorry.

Well, there's not much to say. I've been incredibly busy since I started studying (bioengineering) and there's not much time left to write. I have no intention to abandon this story, but there will be huge gaps between chapters.

Not much happens in this chapter. Mostly conversations. Things seem to move very slowly…hmm. I should bring in some action.

Some swearing in this chapter. Consider yourself warned.

* * *

**Little Dragon**

**by Kaeera**

**Chapter Seven: Partial Release**

"There's no bailing out this time, Daisuke. We have to talk." Ken looked utterly serious as he said these words, and Daisuke couldn't help feeling slightly panicky inside. What did he mean? He hadn't done anything wrong, had he? Well, he might have avoided the others a bit, but usually that wasn't a problem…

"Why?" he asked in a small voice.

"Why didn't you tell us?" To his surprise, Ken didn't look reproachful. No, he looked very sad instead, and, well, worried.

"Tell you what?" echoed Daisuke, a feeling of dread in his gut. Ken couldn't know, could he? He had tried to keep it a secret, had tried so hard…and he would have told them, sooner or later, but in his own time, maybe when Jun was a little bit better…

Ken shook his head, disappointment evident all over his face. "That Jun has got cancer."

Daisuke's face whitened even more, if that was possible, and he only stared in shock. "How…why…you know…"

"Yes, Davis, we know.", the blue-haired genius said patiently. "And it explains why you've been acting so weird lately. I was so worried about you! I didn't know what was wrong, and you wouldn't tell me! Why? We are your friends – I am your friend! We are here to help you. Nobody should pull through something like this alone! But you wanted to do it…so stubborn, so typical. I know it's impossible. Believe me, Davis, I know. I wouldn't want you to suffer like I did. It's not worth it!"

Pain shone in his purple eyes, and they both knew he remembered Osamu. Ken hadn't had anybody as a friend after his brother's death. But, oh, he could have needed them, so very much.

"I want to help you," he repeated. "And I want to help Jun. Davis, I can't understand…normally, you tell me everything. Why didn't you this time?"

Daisuke felt tears burning in his eyes, much to his horror. No, he couldn't cry! Especially not in front of Ken. He was supposed to be the strong one, the leader…and leaders didn't cry.

"I couldn't tell you…" his voice trailed off in a whisper. "I didn't want to bother you. And-"

"Bother me?" exclaimed Ken incredulously. "Honestly, only you would think that! Do you seriously think it would bother me if you came and told me your problems? Especially when they are as grave as this one?"

"No. No…it's not that." The redhead rubbed his eyes wearily. This was all too much to deal with after his collapse. He would have liked to go back to sleep, but this was a conversation that had been waiting to happen for a long time. He knew that there was no bailing out this time. He just wasn't up to it.

"You were all busy…exams…and I know you would have helped me, but I didn't want you to…to feel the same things I do. I didn't want you to feel sad, or to feel pity…and besides, I'm supposed to be the tough one. I have to keep my spirit, even when no one else does…"

Ken grabbed his arm, shaking the frail body. "That's absolute bullshit, Davis, and you know it!"

He ignored Daisuke's astonished gasp – Ken usually never swore - but continued seamlessly. "You're not supposed to be _anything_! You're Daisuke Motomiya, and that's it! It's okay to feel down or depressed, because it happens to all of us. That's what friends are for! Friends cheer you up and help you when you need them. You certainly could have needed help, but instead, you closed off and went your own ways. It must have been so painful!"

Daisuke refrained from commenting, knowing all too well how miserable he had felt during the last weeks.

"And what's with the no sleeping thing? I've come to know you as a person who values sleeping and eating. Now I find you in the hospital, only to discover that you collapsed from malnutrition and lack of sleep!" Ken was furious. "You could have died!"

Daisuke avoided his gaze, staring at the bedcovers. "Well, I had to study for the exams…"

"Exams! Why the sudden rush? You never cared much about them."

A bitter look appeared on Daisuke's face. "Yeah, well, I know, Davis doesn't care, Davis is stupid…I know it all," he spat out disgustedly. "But I promised…I promised Jun that I would do my best in the exams, and I couldn't let her down."

"So you studied until you collapsed?" The genius shook his head. "That's ridiculous."

His only reply was a shrug.

"What about your parents? Didn't they say anything?"

Daisuke mumbled something which Ken couldn't quite understand. "What was that?"

"I said they're never at home anyway."

Ken's eyes narrowed. "Explain."

"Well…they're either working or they're with Jun at the hospital. Ever since they started her treatment, the situation at home has been depressing. Well, not really. It's just that nobody is there anymore. Dad is working twelve hours a day. Mom as well. When they're home, they're sleeping. Or visiting Jun." He shrugged. "They think I'm not noticing things. They think I really believe what I say."

Oups. He hadn't meant to voice the last sentence. Quickly he glanced at his friend, hoping that Ken might have overheard that tiny detail.

"And what is it that you say?"

Damn. He should have known better. After all, Ken was one of the smartest kids around; he wouldn't miss even the tiniest detail.

"Nothing important."

"Davis…please."

The redhead sighed. Darn. He never could resist this tone. Ken had the annoying ability to pull all kind of information out of him, even when he didn't want to share. "Well, just that Jun will be healthy again…and come back to us."

Ken nodded, deep in thought. "And you don't believe that?"

"Well, I do…kind of…" Suddenly, he felt a big lump in his throat and a sob threatened to escape. "I mean, they say that there is hope, and you can't give up, can you…"

"Davis…" Ken just sat there, looking at him. In his eyes was the same pain Daisuke felt in his heart, and somehow, that put an end to all his remaining self-restraint. Suddenly, the tears fell freely.

He grabbed his friend's shirt, tears streaming down his face. "Oh Ken, I'm so afraid, I keep pretending everything is alright, that Jun will be healthy again, because everybody else is doom saying and she is so depressed, but I can see how she's fading and it scares me, every time I see her she's a little bit weaker and there's no light in her smile anymore and I'm so afraidbecauseIdon'twanttolosemysister…"

"Shh." Ken hugged him carefully, rocking the sobbing boy. "Shh. It's okay to cry. It will be okay. Somehow, we'll come through this. It'll be okay."

* * *

Takeru inserted a coin in the vending machine and chose a hot chocolate. The steaming liquid poured into a plastic cup, but he didn't pay any attention to his drink. His mind was focused on something else.

"I wonder what are they talking about." he frowned at the machine when it beeped, announcing that his drink was ready.

"Well, there aren't that many choices, I would guess." Iori answered, face grim.

"True." Takeru couldn't help feeling relieved that it wasn't him who had to hold the conversation with either Jun or Daisuke. As dearly as he loved his friend, he knew that he wasn't the right person for this task. Things like that made him sad, but that wouldn't help the two. Someone needed to find the right words, and it certainly wasn't Takeru.

"I feel sorry for them both." He admitted. "I wouldn't know what to do if Yamato died."

"You would deal with it, as everybody does." An expression of pain flickered over Iori's face. "Although it would hurt a lot."

The blonde boy studied his younger friend. "I know." he whispered softly, recognizing the yearning look Iori got every time he thought of his deceased father. Still, he couldn't imagine a life without his brother. Yamato had always been there, had guided and protected him. Even now, when he didn't need to be protected anymore, Takeru still knew that Yamato would do it anyway, and that gave him a warm feeling in his chest.

Of course it was also damn annoying, but he had learned to live with it.

"We should give them some time."

Takeru took the cup. "That we should," he agreed and swallowed a bit. The hot liquid eased some of his anxiety, but only a little.

"Do you think Jun is going to die?" The blonde boy wondered after a minute of silence.

Iori shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know. I don't want her to, but…but she looked awfully pale. As far as I know, cancer doesn't have to be deadly, there are heaps of treatments. She should know, shouldn't she?"

"And Davis as well." Takeru pondered this. "I still can't understand why he didn't say anything. I certainly would have."

"But you're not him."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I think Davis is far more secretive than he lets on. And he's a damn good actor, as he proved over the last couple of weeks." Now that he knew the truth, Iori remembered quite a few moments when Daisuke's smile had wavered.

Takeru felt the same. "He nearly killed himself and we didn't even notice. Some friends we are." A shudder ran through his body. He simply couldn't forget the haunted look in his friend's eyes.

"We cannot change the past." Iori nodded solemnly. "But we can try to change the present."

"You're so right with that." A determined spark glimmered in the blonde's eyes. "And we will start by being better friends. Because I don't think we did a good job so far."

* * *

"How I really feel?" Jun smiled wryly. "Do you want the whole list or just the high points?"

Hikari inspected the fragile girl. "Everything.", she said seriously. "And not just your physical state. I have a feeling you could need a friend as well."

Jun's smile widened. "You know, Davis is really lucky to have you. You're very nice."

"What about your friends?"

The smile vanished as quickly as it had come. "My friends?" The girl sighed deeply. "I never had Daisuke's luck when it came to finding friends, you know. Most of them are acquaintances, and I didn't tell them the truth. They think I went to another school. It's better that way, believe me."

"Why did you do that?" Hikari couldn't believe what she was hearing. "They are your friends! Did you honestly want to pull through this on your own?"

"I'm not alone. I've got my baby brother, and my parents. And as for your question why…" Jun paused. "I don't think you will ever really understand. I didn't want them to see me like that. So…frail. Vulnerable. No. I wanted them to remember me as the strong girl I used to be."

"Remember you…?" Hikari didn't get the meaning at first, but then her eyes widened. "No! You can't mean that…"

Jun just raised her eyebrows. "Whatever they say about you, you're a smart little cookie." Pain flashed over her face. "Yes, they say that I've got a good chance. That the treatment is going okay, and the worst will be over soon. But…there's always the 'but', Kari. And the longer it takes, the weaker my body becomes. Recently, I've started feeling…tired. I told the doc, and he looked at me with pity in his eyes. Pity! They don't say, but I think they all know…they all know that I don't have much time left."

A lonely tear slid down her cheek. "I never told anyone…" she whispered, confused. "Why am I telling you now?"

Hikari didn't know that either, but she could guess. "Because you needed a friend. And you don't want to tell Davis, because it will only make it harder for him – and you. He's trying to be strong and failing miserably. I'm kind of detached, so you can tell me."

She gulped, digesting what the older girl had said. Jun expected to die…she honestly expected to die, and, oh god, that meant that Daisuke…how would he deal with that? The death of his sister would crush him, because despite his outward appearances, he loved her dearly.

"That might be right." Jun laughed sardonically. "Cruel, but correct. God, I'm so pathetic."

Hikari shook her head firmly. "No, you're not. You are a very strong and admirable girl, Jun, so don't lie."

Jun snorted. "No, it's you who doesn't know anything. Hikari, I'm freaking out here! I'm scared shitless! I mean, I never wanted to die, but now I'm here and I can _feel_ how life trickles out me, with each passing day!" More tears fell and she didn't even try to prevent it.

"I can't help thinking about it in all the hours I lie awake and stare at the walls. I'd rather have died in an accident than like this…it's humiliating…and damn painful!"

Hikari stared in amazement and realised that all those emotions had been bubbling in Jun for a long time. She hadn't been able to talk to anybody, and now that the opportunity was there, she couldn't stop.

She didn't mind. The child of light knew all too well that sometimes everybody needed to ramble a bit, blow off some steam and cry until no tears were left. Jun must have been bottling up her feelings for so long, it was a wonder she hadn't exploded.

"I'm sorry to hear that." She commented softly.

"Me too." Jun was crying openly now. "You know, it's just so damn hard. Damn it, there are so many things I wanted to do! I'm too young to die!"

She sniffed. "But that's not even the worst. I think I could deal with that – eventually. But I hate causing pain to others, and I'm doing it every day. You should see Daisuke when he visits me; he's got the worst hurt-puppy look you can imagine. Oh sure, he's trying to be strong, and he tells me about school and digimon and soccer and who knows what, but in his eyes I can see the pain…and gosh, it runs so deep, it scares me."

Hikari nodded. "He loves you very much."

"I know." Jun was miserable. Sometimes she had caught herself wishing that Daisuke didn't love her – because then she could spare him the pain, as well as her parents. She felt so guilty!

And then she felt guilty for not wanting to die, because it was so egoistical! She tried to think of the others, but in the back of her head, a little voice whispered 'you're going to die'. And that took all her attention.

"But Jun…are you sure that there's no hope?"

"I'm not sure about anything anymore." She felt the well-known feeling of bitterness sweep over her. "In the beginning I hoped, but now…I got disappointed so often, it's just easier not to expect anything."

Hikari was at her wit's end. What could she say to help?

What could you say to someone who was facing the possibility of death?

There were no words to describe the deep sorrow she felt. And she was sure that Jun, on the other hand, didn't have the words to describe the pain, the devastation, the hopelessness.

"If there's anything I can do to help…" her voice trailed off as she realized how meaningless those words sounded. There was nothing she could do! This wasn't like an enemy she could fight, this was nothing substantial.

They were powerless, and for the first time in her life Hikari felt defeated before she actually had done anything.

Jun wiped the tears away and didn't reply at first. "You can be there," she whispered then softly. "You and your friends. Be there for Daisuke, let him rely on you. Because I'm relying on him and he needs the strength. I don't want him to be alone, not ever!"

"He won't be." Hikari promised firmly, knowing that she'd rather die than let her friend face this pain on his own.

"Thank you."

* * *

_Death. _

_What does it mean to us? _

_Ever since Jun got sick, I can't stop thinking about death. It's in my mind, 24/7. Death puts an end to everything. It would mean that I could never see Jun again. No grumpy sister in the morning, no one who snatches away the remote to watch 'Friends'…_

_I wonder if that's what TK felt when his parents divorced. After all, he wasn't able to see his brother anymore._

_I wonder – did he cry? Did he miss Yamato? Probably. _

_But at least he knew his brother was alive…_

_Daisuke's Notes_

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_

"Feeling better now?" Ken wanted to know, after Daisuke had finally stopped crying.

"A little," the brown-haired boy answered. "I'm sorry for crying all over you."

Ken smiled softly. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm glad that you finally told me what was wrong. I knew that something was amiss, but you simply wouldn't tell me."

"I'm sorry." Daisuke apologized again, feeling ashamed of himself. "When I look at it now, it seems rather silly, but it made perfect sense at that time. Veemon had almost convinced me to tell you, though, and I had the firm intention to do so after the exams…well…somehow it never came to that." He rubbed his eyes wearily.

Ken was once again reminded how thin his friend was. Hadn't he eaten anything? He seemed almost starved.

Daisuke looked around, taking in the hospital surroundings. "Care to tell me what happened? It's still a bit blurry.

We finished the exams, didn't we?"

"Yes, you did. But after the final exam, you collapsed. They brought you to the infirmary where the nurse realized that a hospital would be the better place for you. So here you are. Brought in because of malnutrition, lack of sleep, dehydration and too much caffeine. Honestly, how much coffee did you drink?"

"Heaps. Needed to stay awake." Daisuke remembered the pile of empty cans in his room. "It actually tastes quite good, once you get used to it."

Ken just shook his head. "You're impossible."

Daisuke ignored the comment and looked at the IV that was connected to his wrists. "You don't suppose I could visit Jun, do you?"

"Not with this attached, but I'll see if I can find a doctor." Ken stood up and moved towards the door.

"Oh, and Davis…" Shortly before leaving the room, he stopped and turned around to look at his friend. His violet eyes burned with an intensity that took one's breath away. He shook his head, frowning, as if he didn't know how to word his thoughts. "Davis…if…if this turns out really bad…well…you know that you won't be alone, do you?"

Daisuke didn't even want to think of the possibility of _it_ turning out bad, but he understood what Ken meant. His friend offered him solace and friendship, despite what might happen. It didn't matter what the future brought; Daisuke didn't have to face it alone.

His heart swelled with pride and joy. It was great to have friends.

* * *

Miyako ran all the way to Daisuke's apartment, conscious of the fact that she didn't even have a key. But if Veemon was at home – and she certainly hoped he was – he would open the door. Unless Daisuke had instructed him not do so. You couldn't trust Daisuke with anything these days.

Miyako was very angry. She was angry at Daisuke because he didn't tell her about Jun. She was angry at the world for letting something like this happen. But most of all, she was angry at herself. He had been right in front of her nose and she hadn't noticed!

Hikari – sweet, caring Hikari - had voiced concerns, but Miyako had brushed them off. She often felt uncomfortable when it came to feelings, and so the girl chose to avoid them as best as possible.

Here, it had clearly done more harm than good.

"Stupid, stupid!" she murmured breathlessly, as she turned around another street corner. The train ride to the station had only taken ten minutes, but it was another ten minute walk to the apartment block, and Miyako felt she didn't have much time. That she owed Daisuke.

It was foolish behaviour, some small part of her brain realized. She was making herself suffer as a punishment for her actions. What would it matter if Veemon arrived ten minutes later?

But it made her feel better, and so she ran.

The lavender haired girl slowed down as the apartment block came in sight. Her pulse was racing and she gasped for breath, not being used to running. She had never been one for physical activity.

After a short break, she entered the building – quickly darting past an old lady who stepped out the front door – and climbed up the stairway.

"Veemon?" she called softly when she finally reached the apartment door and rang the bell. "It's me, Miyako. Are you there? Can you open the door for me?"

At first she heard nothing, but then soft shuffling noises came from the other side. With a clack, the lock unlocked and the door swang open. Veemon was staring at her with huge eyes, standing on a chair he had used to reach the door handle.

"Miyako? Davis hasn't come home yet, I don't know where he is…"

The girl stepped into the apartment and closed the door. "Oh Veemon, I'm so sorry, but he collapsed at school and they brought him to the hospital."

"What?" the little digimon's eyes widened and tears started to well up. "Oh no! I told him to look out for himself, but he wouldn't listen…is he okay? It's my fault! I should have done something, but he wouldn't listen…" Veemon was frantic and started sobbing.

Miyako could perfectly relate to him, but now wasn't the time for a guilt trip.

"Shh. It's okay." she gathered the crying digimon in her arms. "I know how you're feeling – believe me, I know – but right now, we have to get back to the hospital. Davis needs you. I think we might have reached a turning point – at least now we know what's wrong."

Veemon looked up, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "You know about…Jun?"

Miyako smiled sadly. "Yes. Yes, we do."

More tears welled up. "I'm sooorry! I wanted to tell you, but Davis didn't want me to and made me promise, and I simply can't break my promise, even though I knew you would be able to help him, but he withdrew, even from me and I don't know what to do anymore…"

"There, there." The girl patted him on the back. "Let's go and see him, alright? I'm sure we'll find a solution for this mess. At least we're all together now. And you know that we're an unbeatable team!"

Veemon sniffed and nodded. He wiped the tears away and then climbed into Miyako's backpack without any protest.

"By the way, where are their parents?"

"Not at home. Working," came the muffled reply through several layers of backpack.

"Figures." Miyako had never thought much of Daisuke's parents, but now her opinion sank even lower.

* * *

_Even though I bear the crest of friendship, I haven't got the slightest clue about it – friendship, I mean. My friends are very important to me and I would give my life for them. But I find it amazing that they would do the same in return. _

_After all, who am I? Stupid Daisuke, just another Motomiya with a head full of maggots. I used to be the guy you hang out with, but never, ever people trusted me with their innermost feelings._

_That changed when I became a Digidestined. Suddenly, I had people trusting me, relying on me, fighting with me! And they shared their secrets, they weren't afraid to admit their fears and the pain they were feeling._

_With me, Ken opened up and told me about his brother. I didn't understand why – he's such a genius and I'm just a normal boy with a fascination for soccer. But it seemed to help him, so I was glad to listen._

_I find it hard to do the same in return. Somehow, I have the feeling that my problems are meaningless, too small, and that I have to deal with them on my own._

_Deal with things in your own. The mantra in my family. My parents raised us to be independent and aloof, and now Jun and I are so independent that we're almost lonely. I say almost because I've got my friends, but what about Jun? Sure, she's got an amazing number of girlfriends, but I don't think they share the same bond I share with Ken, and I doubt that Jun trust them with her real heart._

_It's sad. _

_And it makes me wonder. _

_What is friendship? How can it be that so many people define friendship differently? I am supposed to be a good friend – it is one of my crests after all – but I understand nothing of it. _

_How can I be a good friend when I don't even know what exactly it's about?_

_Daisuke's Notes_

**To be continued…**

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**Duskmon **– Thanks fort he reminder e-mail; you kind of activated my guilty conscience and I started writing. I'm incredibly sorry for the long delay, but I simply cannot find the time and often I am too tired to write…

**The Light's Refrain** – Well, I guess now it's pretty obvious what's going on in Jun's head. Ahh…we angst nuts have to keep together :)

**Dark Qiviut** – I hope you liked Davis' and Ken's conversation. Ken seems to be very disappointed because Daisuke didn't tell him…well, I would feel that way as well. nods

**To all others:** Thanks for the reviews, you made my day and it was only because of you that I dragged my lazy bum to the computer and continued writing!


	8. Musings

**Disclaimer**: This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

**Genre**: Tragedy/Drama

**Rating**: T

**Criticism**: Always welcome, as long as it's constructive.

**Summary**: "In order to keep sane, I need to continue pretending. Because otherwise, my whole world would fall apart…" (Daisuke-centric)

**Note:** Bad chapter. Really bad chapter.

* * *

**Little Dragon**

_by Kaeera_

**Chapter Eight: Musings**

_I'm going to write a hate-sermon about hospitals. I could fill a whole book on the topic! Because I really dislike hospitals, you see. No, that's wrong. I loathe them!_

_Why do they think people will become healthy again if you put them in a building full of sick people? They'll only make each other sicker! Come on…it might be alright when you have an operation, or break your leg….short-term things. But long-time treatment? Stuck with all the other patients in the long-time treatment ward? _

_Everyone is miserable, so they only make each other more miserable. Honestly! It's like walking into one of those nursing homes for old people – you get stared at just because you're young and healthy. Excuse me! It's not as if I'm parading the fact that I still have my limbs attached…_

_In fact, I'd prefer it if I was the one hurt and Jun the one parading around._

_But I'm not and so I try to be nice to everyone, but it just makes me so sad_

_I reckon the worst is the children's ward. It's just around the corner, you know, and sometimes - when Jun was in some kind of treatment - I wandered over there. It's bright and cheerful and it breaks your heart because you know that all those kids shouldn't be there, that they should be outside playing with their mates._

_But I'm going off tangent here. What I wanted to say is that all those people are depressed, and they make Jun depressed as well. When there is nothing to think about but death, wouldn't you think about death as well? _

_I know I would._

_And that's the bad thing. Jun should be thinking about life, about laughter, happiness, and joy. She should be able to play and joke around and annoy her little brother. Because how can the body heal when the spirit is sick as well?_

_But as always, nobody listens to Daisuke, the fool._

_Daisuke's Notes_

"So."

"So."

They stared at each other, not knowing what to say. Jun looked worn out, tired beyond exhaustion, with a deep, old sadness in her eyes. Daisuke didn't appear any better; his clothes were wrinkled, his hair a mess, and he was very pale.

He had never felt so tired in his entire life. His whole body ached and all he wanted to do was sleep. Yet he knew that he wouldn't be able to, not for a long time. The doctor had finally allowed him – grumpily – to visit his sister.

This was a conversation he had been dreading, and yet he felt strangely relieved. The burden of trying to maintain his façade was lifted from his shoulders.

"You bloody idiot." Jun chided softly. "What did you do to yourself?"

Daisuke stared at her, tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm…sorry." He was shocked by his own raw emotions.

"Don't be. I'm glad." His sister motioned for him to come over. "I sensed this coming for quite a while."

"Oh." All of sudden, he felt quite stupid. Wearily, he stepped closer to the bed and yelped in surprise when Jun engulfed him in a bear hug.

"You're too damn stubborn for your own good, you know." she whispered into his ear and her voice wavered. "Trying to fight on your own, trying to be strong, whilst you have so many good friends. They want to be there for you, Davis, they want to help you. Accept this help, because…because I can't give it to you." The girl let go and regarded him sadly.

"I just…" Daisuke began, but she stopped him.

"No. Please let me talk. I need to tell you this…" She gazed at the wall. "I know that he never talk about emotions, and I'm not a good older sister…but I feel that you have the right to know."

Taking a deep breath, the red-haired girl clutched her chest.

"I'm afraid." She then stated and smiled shakily. "Davis, I'm so scared I'm nearly peeing in my pants. I don't want to die. Well, I guess nobody does. Even though…I can feel myself slipping. And that's what scares me. I'm getting weaker, and the treatments aren't helping anymore and the doctors are so _concerned_…They say that I still have chances. That I can't give up hope. And whilst I hope, I can't deny that there's the possibility I might die…" She closed her eyes for a moment, drawing a painful breath.

"There are so many things I wanted to do, and now that I might face death, I feel so young and empty. I suddenly see little details that are important to me, which I never realized because they are so normal. You know, like getting up on Sunday and slacking off, even though you know you should do your homework."

"Like sitting in class and drawing stick figures in my exercise book because the lesson is far too boring."

"Like gossiping with my classmates about the latest fashion, hot guys and the annoying little twerp in the front row."

"Like being angry about trivial things that don't really matter."

"Jun…" he didn't know what to say. After all, he wasn't used to his sister opening his heart – to him, of all people.

"No, it's alright." She touched his hand. "This is my stuff to deal with. It's been hard, but…but I manage. I get by. I'm tough, after all. Not as tough as you, but still tough." Jun took a deep breath. "What I actually wanted to tell you…"

She fidgeted and looked at her hands. "Gee, that's really difficult."

Daisuke was confused. "What?"

"Well, this!" Impatiently, she waved at the empty air. "I wanted to tell you that, despite how I act all the time, I still think of you as my little brother and I'm proud of you. Of course, you are an annoying idiot at times, yes – but still quite cool. And, well…I like you. I don't want you to think anything else, should something happen to me."

"Nothing is going to happen to you!" he stated firmly, but his voice trembled oh-so slightly.

He received a sad smile in return. "Even you can't predict the future, Daisuke."

Jun didn't wait for his reply, but turned around to rummage in a drawer. "There's something I wanted to give you."

She spilled items on the floor, empty chocolate wrappers and used tissues. Just like her brother, the older Motomiya sibling had never been very tidy. Why waste energy on organizing things when you could put them in a pile instead?

Then she produced a white envelope, sealed, with a single name written on it. She stared at it for a while, a most curious expression on her face, and then she handed it over to her brother.

"I want you to have this."

"Oh. Thank you." Daisuke took the letter, frowning. "What it is?"

"A letter."

"Duh, I can see that."

"It is meant for you to read when I'm no longer there."

"You…what?" He stared at his sister in horror. "You can't mean that!" He couldn't believe that his sister had actually…prepared for this. It made the possibility more real, somehow, and a feeling of dread settled in his stomach.

"Oh yes, I can!" Jun was strict. "You can burn this letter when I'm on the mend – but I want you to keep it for the next couple of days. Just in case. If I die…I want you to read it."

Daisuke swallowed hard. "I don't wan you to die."

"Well, I certainly hope so." Jun smiled wryly. Then she put her hand on his. "Davis…it's going to be okay. Either way, it's going to be okay. It was hard on me for a while, but now…I think I'm ready. If it happens. I still don't like it, and I'm scared senseless, but…well, at least I have the chance to say goodbye. That counts a lot."

A lonely tear found its way down his cheek. "I hate goodbyes." The boy whispered.

"Me, too. But sometimes, we just cannot avoid them."

Her smile wavered, and suddenly Daisuke darted forward, hugging his sister tightly. "It's going to be okay." he croaked hoarsely, realizing that he wasn't the only one who needed comforting.

They held each other for a long time.

* * *

Daisuke slept like a log, Veemon cradled in his arms. As soon as the little digimon had arrived at the hospital, it had jumped into his partners' arms and not left him ever since. 

Ken smiled fondly at the sleeping form of his friend, remembering Wormmon. He was glad that they all had their digimon partner – it meant whatever happened, they would never have to face it alone.

Even though the redhead appeared pale and exhausted, there was an air of peace around him. The conversation with Jun had helped him a lot, as did the knowledge that he wasn't alone with his pain anymore. Ken sincerely hoped that things would go uphill from now on.

It was required for Daisuke to stay at the hospital overnight, and so some kind nurse had put another bed in Jun's room. Now they were both sleeping soundly, exhausted from the days events.

"When you see them like this, you wouldn't think that anything is wrong." Hikari spoke softly, as she stepped closer to Ken. The others were hovering in the doorway, afraid to disturb the peaceful scene.

"Isn't it always like that?" Ken replied wryly. "When we sleep, we can escape our problems."

"What do you think?" The girl asked, her gaze fixed on Jun.

"About this? I don't know." Ken sighed and shook his head. Now, that the situation had been resolved, everything was finally sinking in.

"We should better leave. This is something that should be discussed in peace. And I really don't want to wake them up."

"Ken is right. They do need their sleep." Takeru added from behind and jerked his head to the door. "There's a nice little café around the corner. Why don't we go there?"

"That's a good idea." Everyone seemed to agree, and so they left, knowing that their friend was in good hands – for now.

The café was empty – it was too early in the day. The waitress gave them a kind smile, as they looked for a table. They decided on one in the corner, nice and deserted. After ordering some hot chocolates – the sugar was bitterly needed - silence ensued.

"So." Miyako said finally. "This day was quite…revealing."

Iori smiled wryly. "It was indeed."

"I still can't believe it." Takeru shook his head.

"I think nobody can." Hikari stared at the cup in her hands. "But you guys…when I talked to Jun…she really seemed to think that she's going to die."

Miyako couldn't believe it. "What? But I thought…I thought you can treat it! I mean, with modern medicine and all that…"

"Well, she doesn't seem to believe so. She told me she can feel…feel that she's fading. And she's afraid." Tears glistered in her eyes. "I fear that we might very well face the possibility of her death."

"That's horrible!" They all exclaimed, the feeling of dread intensifying.

Takeru leaned back, not knowing what to say. How could you comfort someone who lost his sibling? He remembered how devastated he'd been after the divorce, and that had only been a divorce…Daisuke didn't deserve that fate. Nobody did.

Ken was thinking along the same lines. "He will need us." he stated simply. Of all the digidestined, he was the only one who knew what it meant to lose a sibling. His loss had made him turn evil, because he had had no one to rely on – he didn't want Daisuke to share the same fate.

"Oh, I feel so helpless!" Miyako slammed on the table. "I can't stand seeing him like this. I wish we could fight, or help him, I don't know, find some kind of treatment…instead we're stuck on the sidelines, watching…watching how she fades away!"

"We cannot think like that." Takeru looked up with determination in his eyes. "There's still hope left. We have to support her with all our strength. She can make it."

It was typical for the blonde boy to be the sunshine of hope, but even he couldn't help feeling the gloom of the whole situation.

Miyako, however, wasn't consoled. "We're quite useless, aren't we?" she muttered darkly, stirring her hot chocolate.

"No." Ken shook his head, his expression determined. "We're his friends. And we have to act as such."

"Easier said than done, isn't it?" was Miyako's sarcastic reply. "Nobody of us is really equipped to deal with a tragedy like this. Well, with the exception of you, Ken." Colour rose to her cheeks, as she realised what she had said. "I'm sorry.

"No, you're right." The blue-haired boy looked at his hands, remembering the devastating time after the death of his brother. "There's nothing worse than having a…member of your family die. I used to hate Osamu, and still I missed him terribly. Worst of all, I felt guilty. And alone. I won't let that happen to my best friend. I won't let him feel alone. Don't you understand? We're his friends. He's going to telly on us, and we're going to help him in every way we can."

He nodded towards Miyako. "It's not true when you say that we aren't equipped to deal with it. We just haven't realized it yet. Everybody of us can help Daisuke in his own, special way. Miyako, you can fight with him and cheer him up and kick him in the ass when he's moping; Hikari can talk to him, Takeru make him smile and in Iori he can trust."

Hikari smiled gently. "Don't forget yourself, Ken."

"I won't." he smiled back. "What I wanted to say is…we're not helpless. We all have our individual ways of helping, and we should use them…because what else are friends for?"

* * *

Elsewhere, Daisuke's thoughts were circling around the same topic. 

It was in moments like these when the redhead realized the true meaning of friendship. Most of the time he was unsure; there was so much about being a friend, far more than being ready to protect.

There was listening, and caring, and being there…he had always been sure that he wasn't a good friend. He could cheer people up and make them laugh, yes; but listening? No, that definitely wasn't his forte.

But sitting here in the hospital made him realize how great his friends were at being friends. Each of them had been there for him. Ken had talked sense into him, as only he could; Miyako had run to get Veemon; Hikari had even talked to his sister and given her one of her most stunning smiles, the one that said 'We can do it'.

Iori had simply stood there, with so much understanding on his face, so that Daisuke just knew he could turn to him and tell him everything – he would understand and never tell a soul.

And Takeru, well, he had been Takeru, being overly cheerful and optimistic, until they finally started a random fight, which reminded him of the fact that yes, there still was a normal life out there.

He couldn't rely on his parents – but he could rely on his friends.

The thought was of such magnitude that it stunned him. He had been ready to deal with it on his own, to fight and cry alone, but now he found that there were people standing beside him. It astonished him that they were worried about him – after all, he was just Daisuke, wasn't he? The idiot. The clumsy fool.

Speaking of that, he'd probably failed his exams as well – he couldn't even remember most of it. It was all a blur.

A small smile fluttered over his face. Even Jun seemed to appreciate him, as funny as that sounded. She'd told him herself.

The boy rolled around in the hospital bed and watched his sleeping sister. Pale and frail she looked, as if her body might break any moment. But sleep also made her peaceful. She was just Jun, as bald and white she might look. She was his sister, and he loved her for that.

Daisuke closed his eyes. Now, that he had slept, he felt a lot better. His body had been able to catch up on the long lost sleep, as the last bit of caffeine had finally left his system. Eating something had helped, as well – Daisuke had been surprised how much better he had felt. Hypoglycaemic, as the doctors had called it. Not enough food in his system, not enough sugar to keep him going.

He was able to look at things logically now. Well, at least a little bit more logically – after all, he _was_ Daisuke and that couldn't be ignored so easily.

There was really no reason to wallow in self-pity. The secret was out, so no hiding anymore. He had expected the consequences to be worse, but neither had Jun screamed at him nor had his friends been abhorred by her illness. In fact, everybody had been so understanding and caring that Daisuke couldn't help but wonder if it was all but a dream.

He pinched himself. Ouch.

Nope, not a dream.

Actually, it was great that the secret was out in the open. Now he didn't have to lie anymore when he visited his sister, and maybe he could even rope the others into accompanying him on his visits! They could play cars and successfully distract Jun from the hospital and everything.

Daisuke immediately cheered up by this idea. Yes, and if Jun felt better, she would become better, wouldn't she? After all, the mind had to heal as well, and how well could a mind heal when it was stuck inside with sick people all the time?

He lay back down on the covers with a contented sigh and watched the white ceiling. For the first time in weeks, there was an almost content look on his face. Daisuke was a _doer_; and having a plan seemed to put everything in a more positive light.

With a grin, he looked at his sleeping sister. "You're not going to get rid of me that easily."

* * *

/_Sometimes_

_in even the worst of times_

_we manage to save a little bit of sunlight_

_so that in the deepest darkness_

_there will be a flicker of light_

_reminding us that even the deepest despair_

_is only temporary/_

_

* * *

_

"Snap."

"Whoa! Stop there! Why Snap again?"

"Because I have all the cards, you dummie!" Jun flashed a mischievous grin and showed the cards on her hand.

Daisuke groaned. "I can't believe it!"

Ken was amazed. "How can anyone have so much luck? It's mathematically not…"

"Believe me, it's just crazy playing with her.", the redhead waved at his sister. "As far as I remember, she has always won at this game. Always! Once she won Thirty-seven times in a row!"

"Thirty-seven times?" Ken blinked. "What happened after that?"

"I gave up."

Jun smirked. "It's a skill, little brother. One that you will never achieve." She ruffled his hair lovingly, until he pulled away.

"Just wait – your day is yet to come!" the boy threatened. "I want another round!"

Ken watched the siblings with amusement in his eyes. It was a peaceful day, and they had met here to spend some time with Jun, because, as his best friend had put it, she desperately needed someone to distract her - to take her thoughts off her own death.

Ken couldn't agree more – he knew from his own experience that it brought no good to dwell only on the dark side of things.

And so they had met and had been playing cards games for the last hour, with Jun cheering up more and more.

The genius found it fascinating; he had learned a lot about his friend, because Jun loved to share stories about their childhood, especially stories that embarrassed Daisuke horribly.

"I still can't believe that you were afraid of the toaster!" The blue-haired boy shook his head and chuckled. "Imagine that, Daisuke the brave, bearer of the crest of courage, afraid of a simple electric device?"

Jun chortled, while Daisuke's face coloured a deep scarlet. "Oh, shut up, you two!" he grumbled. "I couldn't help it, alright? I just was…afraid."

"Yeah, he'd run miles every time the toast popped out – it was hilarious!"

Daisuke glowered at her, trying to sink into the bedcovers. He'd known that playing this game was a bad idea, but Jun had insisted on it and he hadn't had the heart to say no. Not that he had really wanted to.

But, he reflected, Jun was laughing, and that was a sight he had sorely missed. It was okay if he had to embarrass himself for that; he was used to it, after all.

And so Daisuke smiled. "You just wait – the next embarrassing story will be about you! Do you remember the ice-cream parlour and the dirty puddle? Now, that's an embarrassing story if I ever heard one…"

**To be continued…**

**

* * *

**

_It is actually possible to lose in 37 times in a row. I counted. The embarrassing thing was that my opponent was eight years old at that time – he had the most incredible luck ever. _

_Sorry for being late – as always. I seem to have lost every inspiration for this story, and with the exams drawing closer, time is a precious thing. _

_I remembering having read somewhere on that replies to reviews are no longer in the actual chapter…is that true? Admittedly, sometimes I found it annoying when I read a story and the response to the reviewers was longer than the actual chapter itself, but it was a nice way of staying in contact with the readers. So I'm going to refrain from answering individually in this chapter, until I'm absolutely certain what I'm allowed to do (I must say, is getting stricter and stricter…isn't that contradicting their slogan 'free your soul'?) _

_So thanks for the reviews – I really do read them and keep them in my heart, believe me – and no, it's not going to be a Daikari. Whilst I love the pairing, I think Daisuke has too many problems right now to focus on romance. Maybe there'll be hints, but that's all there'll ever be in this story. _

_Thank you for your support._


	9. Two sides of a coin

**Disclaimer:** This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

Exams, stress and real life took hold of me. I apologize for being late, but…well, read the author notes at the end of the story if you want to know why.

* * *

**Little Dragon**

_by Kaeera_

**Chapter Nine: Two sides of a coin**

Daisuke left the hospital with mixed feelings. After endless hours of conversations, his friends had finally managed to convince him to leave the building. Even Jun had backed them up, stating that he should enjoy the sunshine and have fun, even when she couldn't. '_At least one of us should live'_, she had stated wryly and sent him away, '_besides, you can tell me about it later_.'

Then his parents had come, cutting off his excuse that he couldn't leave her alone. They had seemed quite relieved to see him go, Daisuke remembered guiltily – maybe they wanted a little bit time with Jun, as well – without their son.

The boy remembered his mother's words – her eyes shining with hidden tears. "You go and laugh a bit, Daisuke," the small woman had whispered and ruffled his hair. "Because we're going to need all the laughter we can get, and you are the best at cheering people up."

The words stuck inside his head. He didn't feel very cheerful – in fact, it was him who needed the cheering up. But he hadn't been able to protest, not while his mother was gazing at him so fondly, so he had simply nodded and sauntered off.

It had to be a conspiracy of some sort, he was sure!

But then again…he was glad to be outside, do something else for a change and, most importantly, have some time for himself - even though he felt guilty about it. The others had invited him over to Miyako's house, to have some 'fun' time, as they had called it.

Fun time. Before Jun had become sick, fun times had been frequent…

"I bet they'll have tons of food!" Veemon bounced up and down. The little dragon had been blabbering all the way about the meeting, overly excited at the prospect of having an afternoon off. Daisuke realized how much they had withdrawn over the last weeks, how much he – and thus Veemon – had suffered.

Hell, he couldn't remember the last time he had went out just for the fun of it. It all seemed a blur.

"I've become a horrible geek, haven't I?" Daisuke shook his head, disappointed in himself. "Imagine – I spent the last weeks studying! Staying inside all the time, drinking coffee and learning all these stupid facts nobody needs to know…"

Veemon nodded impishly. "Indeed, that you have."

Daisuke shot him a disbelieving look. "And someone seems to have caught it."

"Well, as we digimon are quite similar to our partners, it seems quite logical to assume…"

Daisuke snorted. "I'd rather have you talk normally again. There are enough academic people in this world as it is."

"Okay. Whatever you want."

They walked in comfortable silence and enjoyed the sunshine. Veemon stared straight ahead, his mischievous face suddenly apprehensive. "It's not going to go away, is it?"

Daisuke shook his head. "No." There was no need no mention what 'it' was. It was firmly planted in their minds. 'It' had become a very much used word between them, describing things there were afraid to speak.

"Are you okay?" Serious eyes gazed at him, as Veemon said the same three words he had heard so often over the last couple of days.

He didn't reply with his usual 'I'm fine'. Instead, Daisuke took his time to answer the question, pondering what he was feeling. As the best friend he'd ever had, Veemon deserved an honest answer. Besides, the digimon always knew when he was lying.

"No. No, I'm not," he finally admitted, feeling defeat.

"Don't understand me wrong," he then added hastily. "It's great that I'm not alone anymore, and I feel better after talking with Jun. The last couple of days have been…easier. The others, they were great, always trying to help me and spending time with Jun, telling her stories and showing her photos. She appreciates it a lot, I know that. And it really helps. But…"

Veemon took his hand, offering his comfort. "But?" he prodded, gently, because he knew how difficult it was for Daisuke to find the right words.

"But…I won't be okay as long as she's sick, Veemon. She's my sister. Even though the others try, they will never understand what I'm feeling. Everyday I see her might be the last, and that's…that's painful. So I'm not okay. I'm better, but far from okay."

"But that's alright, isn't it?" The little digimon whispered softly. "Nobody expects you to be perfectly fine. They know that you're hurting, and we wouldn't have it any other way, because that would mean you didn't care about Jun."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess." Daisuke dropped his head and sighed. Veemon was right; he had to accept the pain and live with it.

"So the right question would rather be: are you coping?"

At that, Daisuke involuntarily had to grin. It was so funny to hear his digipartner talking like that. "All those books have gotten to you, haven't they?"

Veemon smirked. "Well, at least one of us had to make use of all the random knowledge."

"Better you than me."

"So I thought. Now…"

"Yeah. Coping. Sorry." Daisuke coughed. Sometimes it was so easy to fall into the old, easy bickering-fooling-around-routine, easier than dealing with the current issues. He thought for a while, remembering all the things that had happened. "I guess I am." His face became wistful. "Yes. Yes. I'm coping. Somehow."

"That's good." Veemon nodded wistfully. "The rest will come in its own time."

* * *

"Mum, I'm fine!" Jun protested for the umpteenth time during the last twenty minutes. "I told you, it's just a little cold. I don't even have fever, just, ya know, sniffling and a sore throat."

Mrs Motomiya wasn't entirely convinced. "You know you have to be careful, dear."

"Yes, Mum." Her mother was obviously in full fledged mother-hen mode, and Jun knew as well as every other daughter that there was no point in arguing. "I'm going to be careful."

The older woman smiled, but couldn't banish the worry from her eyes. Jun hated to make her mother worry, but what could she do? After all, it wasn't her fault – so why did she still feel guilty?

* * *

_Sometimes_

_There's so much pain in my heart_

_That I might burst_

_So much sadness_

_So much despair_

_And nothing to be done._

_

* * *

_

The days passed uneventfully, became a kind of routine. They would visit Jun at the hospital, take her out if the doctors allowed it and ignore the little hints of her weakening condition. The other Chosen had made it their task to distract Daisuke, and so they took him to the cinema, to the park, anywhere. They made him laugh, told him stories, and for a couple of moments, he was able to forget his misery, to be himself again.

As much as he appreciated this distraction, his heart wasn't always in it. He took part, he made his best effort to laugh and smile, but one could see how much it cost him.

Slowly, some kind of normalcy evolved. The days passed. Jun smiled more often, especially when all of the Chosen visited her and brought their digimon. They told her about their adventures in the Digital World, and the older Motomiya, who had never known in depth about her brother's actions, was astonished at what he and his friends had achieved.

"Why did you never tell me about it?" she had inquired.

Daisuke had just shrugged with a very untypical modesty. "You never asked."

Jun, being used to a brother who boasted about the tiniest details, couldn't help wondering how grown-up he appeared and whether this had been an achievement of his adventures or not. How come she had never noticed?

_As the hours fly by, I notice the little things_

She asked and inquired, until she found out about everything – the first Chosen, their fight against evil digimon, their quest to protect the Digital World. What fascinated her most was the bond between Chosen and digimon, and the more she listened, the more she wished for such a partner herself.

_Like how blue the sky can be_

Jun told Hikari in secret about her wish – Hikari, because she was a gentle soul who could keep a secret and would tell honest advice. Hikari's eyes had twinkled and she had promised that they would take her to the Digital World to find a partner as soon as she got better.

_And how beautiful rain sounds when it splashes against the window_

Then came the day when Jun tried on a wig. She had absolutely refused to go outside with a bald head, joking that she couldn't do that to the rest of Japan. The wig was black, itchy and ugly. When she tried it on, she looked like a monkey and they broke down laughing.

"People are going to hunt me for ugliness!" Jun panted between giggles. It was nice to be able to laugh, the more so because she was able to laugh about herself and her illness.

_For the first time, I see the fragility of people._

Sometimes, they would watch TV and make rude comments about stupid people on Talk Shows. Funnily enough, Takeru proved to be an expert in those kinds of games – understandably: he had learnt from the best. Yamato was still the master of sarcastic remarks, after all.

_See how they're hiding behind masks._

Every evening, the Motomiyas would gather in Jun's room and have dinner. It was still a subdued affair, but Daisuke and Jun tried their best to lighten the mood, and slowly, it worked. Their enthusiasm was infecting, and when they finally started drilling their parents about _their_ teenage years, laughter was heard all around.

Who would have expected Daisuke's mother to be a rascal at school, breaking glass and torturing kids? Certainly not their children, who listened with rapt fascinating when she told the stories of her 'bad years', as she called it.

_And I realize that I really know nothing about the world around me._

She got used to the tests. Got used to the looks, the whispers, the concern, and most times she ignored it. Sometimes, it hurt. Sometimes, she cried at night. But she was living, and that was all that counted.

* * *

_Little Dragon,_

_Can you see the shining stars?_

_When you look at them and wish, wish with all the power of your heart…them maybe, your wish might come true._

_Little Dragon,_

_Can you hear the cicadas? When they're here, then it's summer. It wouldn't be summer without them, after all._

_Little Dragon,_

_Can you live without me?

* * *

_

_And as the days pass, we get used to the miserable existence that we call life…_

_

* * *

_

"Daisuke! They're out! The exam results!" Takeru screamed out of his cellphone.

Daisuke, who was just on his way to the school, rolled his eyes. "Well, they should be, after all, today is the official day…"

"Oh, don't play the cool one. I know that you're as nervous as I am!"

"Me? Nervous?" The boy laughed. "Remember, you're talking with Daisuke the Great! Nervousness is my mortal enemy."

He was lying, however. His insides were churning with anticipation as he thought of the upcoming results. Would all the studying pay off? Or would he fail yet again?

It was a strange feeling. Never before he had been nervous because of some results, but those…those were really important and he had worked so hard for them! Besides, he had promised Jun, and she'd certainly be disappointed in him should he fail

"Liar!" came Takeru's good-natured reply over the loudspeaker. "I can hear it in your voice: you're scared. Admit it!"

"In your dreams."

"Dreaming of you? That'd be a nightmare…No, thanks, I can think of better dreams."

Daisuke refused the urge to grimace, knowing that his friend wouldn't be able to see it anyway. With their friendship slowly sliding back on track, Takeru had fallen back into the old habit of bickering and fighting. While he appreciated it on some level – it made everything much easier - Daisuke wasn't entirely sure how he _really_ felt about it. After all, their kinds of fights took a lot of trust and self-confidence. He was certainly lacking the latter.

Plus, the feeling that he was on his own hadn't totally disappeared, and he knew that it would take a long time to completely vanish.

For now he decided to let the comment slide. "Haha. I see you at school, then."

Takeru laughed. "Sure. Don't bite your nails."

The connection shut down. Daisuke glared at the offending phone. "Idiot."

He slid the device back into his pocket and marched down the streets. Veemon sent him a quick grin from his position on the ground. Normally, digimon weren't allowed at school, but today was an exception; after all, there would be no lessons. Only marks.

"It's going to be okay." Veemon said in a soothing voice when he saw the anxious face of his partner.

Daisuke flashed him a smile. "I know. I'm just…nervous."

"I'm sure you did well." The digimon stated confidently.

He wasn't so sure about that. Over the years, he had gotten used to find his name on the bottom of the lists. He didn't mind; school just wasn't his thing and he knew that he had other strengths. Fighting in the Digital World and saving the world did that to you.

Occasionally, he had felt bothered by it, though – especially, when all if his friends got better marks. Nobody liked to feel stupid. Not even Daisuke.

However, even though he hadn't liked it, he had had an excuse – laziness being the most important of all, he simply hadn't studied, had goofed off – all good reasons for writing horrible exams.

This time, however, there was no such excuse. He had studied, nights and nights, had calculated and written until his fingers were bleeding, had forced himself beyond the point of exhaustion, all in order to cram as much knowledge into his head as possible.

So if he was – once again – at the bottom of the list, then that meant that it was all because he was, well, stupid. It would be a proof that he was indeed dim-witted, at least when it came to academics.

Somehow, that frightened him.

And that was the reason why he dreaded the results.

* * *

The school loomed over him threateningly. Daisuke growled at the building as if it was at fault for his life's misery.

Several other students were already on their way inside, chatting excitedly. The air hummed with excitement, hung heavy with anticipation. Exam results were very important and could decide about one's future career; so of course the students took them very seriously.

"Davis! Davis, over here!" Hikari jumped up and down, waving at him. Her brown eyes sparkled. "We were waiting for you!"

Takeru stood beside her, laughing. "Why are you so late?"

"I had a phone call this morning."

Their moods immediately deflated. Phone calls were dangerous business. "Really?"

"Something serious?" Takeru's eyes shone with worry.

"I don't know. Jun's got a cold, my Mum said." Daisuke shrugged. "So she has to take some tests and stuff, but they said it wasn't serious. She just called me to make sure I knew she wouldn't be home for dinner. "

Hikari sighed in relief. "And Jun is really okay?"

"Yes. A bit tired and cranky – she hates colds – but that's to be expected." Daisuke smiled. "So, shall we go inside and face the results of doom?"

"Well, there's no turning back now, is there?"

They followed the stream of students. The chattering grew louder, as they came closer to the notice board. Daisuke felt the uneasiness in his stomach increase when he saw a crying girl in the corner. Her friend was trying to calm her down, but obviously she didn't have much luck.

The boy wondered whether he would be crying in a minute or not. Well, okay. He certainly wouldn't cry, because hen ever cried (or at least tried to), but he'd probably stomp on the floor in anger or hit Takeru, simply because he was there and an easy target.

Strangely enough, that thought comforted him.

"I'm so afraid that I flunked math!" Hikari babbled nervously. "I didn't write anything on question four, and I almost certainly used the wrong equation in exercise seven…"

Takeru rolled his eyes. "You'll be fine. Look, there are our results."

The blonde squeezed through the people, until he stood in front. Searchingly, he let his eyes wander of the rows until he found his own name near the top. A satisfied smile appeared on his lips; yep, his results were quite good.

Then he turned to Daisuke, expecting the boy to imitate his actions, but instead, the Chosen of Courage stood there with his eyes closed.

"Davis?" he inquired carefully. "You okay?"

Brown eyes blinked carefully at him. The boy smiled sheepishly, aware of his own actions. "Would you guess it, I'm actually afraid to look." he admitted. "Silly, huh?"

"No, it's not." Takeru hid a smile. He didn't say it, but Daisuke had come a long way in admitting that he was afraid. In the earlier days, he would have denied everything and made a huge ruckus about not caring about any marks. They all had come a long way, he realized; the Digital World had helped them grow up, both in body and in spirit.

"Alright. Now or never." Daisuke took a deep breath and looked at the board.

Silence.

Then a soft "Oh".

Hikari looked at him in concern. Her own marks had been satisfactory, but she was worried that Daisuke's weren't. He really didn't deserve another blow right now…

But the look on Daisuke's face wasn't one of shock and horror, she realized with relief; no, it was one of honest surprise. A bright smile lit his face. "I…" he began, obviously at a loss of words.

His two friends looked at his marks as well – and their mouths fell open. "I can't believe it!" and "Davis, you prat!" they exclaimed simultaneously. For there, under the best ten of the whole grade, was Daisuke's name, listened in black letters for everybody to see.

* * *

_Success is another method to make your heart fly higher..._

* * *

Veemon jumped up and down in glee. "Davis is the best! Davis is the best!" he sang loudly and off-key, dancing all along the way.

Daisuke grinned broadly. It was the first time he had achieved outstanding academic result, and it felt…great. No, cut that. More than great. It was exhilarating, breath-taking, awesome, wonderful…

And best of all, he now had a proof that he wasn't stupid. If he wanted to, he could do it, and that alone was relief enough. He still didn't like studying, but at least now he knew that his bad marks were a result of his laziness.

"Seems as if we have another genius among us." Takeru chuckled, slapping Daisuke on the shoulder.

"Yeah, you did really well!" Hikari beamed at him. From the look on her face, she was almost happier than Daisuke himself.

Daisuke shook his head. "Well, I worked hard enough for it – Veemon can tell."

"Yep." The digimon nodded. "All those nights studying, I really was beginning to think that aliens sucked out your brain and replaced you with someone else!"

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad." Daisuke protested. Then he remembered all the books, the cans of coffee, the sleepless nights, and relented. "Well, maybe a little."

"I knew you were smart." Takeru told him in satisfaction. "You just needed to _do_ a little. Jun will be so proud of you!"

"Yes, I can't wait to see her reaction. She'll be flabbergasted!"

The trio had spent about an hour in the school, collecting their papers, talking with class-mates and generally enjoying the end of the exams and their good results. Now they were on their way back, debating on how they should celebrate this special day.

"We should go out and have fun." The blonde insisted. "Invite the rest and have a party, it would be wicked! What do you think, Davis?"

"I think it sounds great!" Daisuke grinned and exchanged a glance with Veemon. "Junk-food and free time? I'm certainly in for it!"

"Me too, me too!" the little digimon cheered.

They all laughed and for a moment, all worries were forgotten. It was the first time in ages Daisuke had felt so free, so…well, like himself. It seemed almost unreal.

_He should have known better._

When his cell phone rang, he knew that something was wrong. He couldn't put his finger on it; it was merely a feeling of uneasiness, but it was enough to wipe the smile from his face when he brought the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" Daisuke asked cautiously, a frown on his face.

"Davis?" A shaky voice inquired. His mother, he realised dimly, and the frown deepened.

"Hi Mum, what's up?" Daisuke asked in a forced, cheerful voice. "You won't believe what I got in the exams – I'm among…"

"Davis," she interrupted him, and now he could hear the tears in her voice. His heart turned to stone, as a feeling of dread spread over him. "Daisuke…something happened…I think it's better…better, if you come here…to the hospital…"

"Happened?" His voice had become dry and he was barely able to speak. "With Jun? Is she alright?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Takeru und Hikari exchanging worried glances.

"She…she had an attack." Suddenly, his mother started sobbing. "Please, Davis, you have to come immediately, it's really bad…I can't tell you, but…she might…" her voice broke, but the boy didn't need to hear anymore. He started running, unaware of the surprised shouts of his friends. The cell phone fell to the ground with a loud clatter, forgotten amidst the chaos.

Daisuke's heart pounded loudly in his ears. It couldn't be! Jun had been fine this morning, she had been fine the last days, and he had actually started to hope again…surely his mother was wrong? Maybe nothing had happened, maybe it was only his imagination playing tricks again…

But he had _heard_ the despair in his mother's voice, had felt the worry creep down his back, and he knew that this wasn't a hoax, that this was true.

_My sister is dying._

The thought shot through his head and damn, it hurt. He couldn't lose Jun, not now, not when he had passed his exams…he had wanted to tell her his glorious result, so that she would be proud at him, so that she would smile and say "Well done, Davis", as she sometimes did when she was in a good mood. He wanted her to be there and shout at him for being lazy, for borrowing her playstation without asking, for being a pain in the ass, for being his sister and…

No.

No.

No!

He wouldn't make any assumptions. He would talk to his parents first. Assumptions had brought him into a big mess and he had learned his lesson.

Daisuke suppressed the horrible visions of his sister's death and focused on running instead. They would tell him soon enough; now he needed to be there. For himself.

For his parents

And for Jun.

**To be continued…**

**

* * *

**

A/N: Now, I'm well aware of the fact that you're probably going to complain, and that's your right. This story is getting crappier and crappier and there's really no excuse for that. I simply lost all inspiration and drive for this piece, and as hard as I tried to recapture it, the spark is simply not there anymore. Right now, I'm trying to get it done (because I vowed to myself never to leave a story unfinished), so that I can finally have it out of my mind and forget about it.

This is the reason for the rush and heaps of plot holes as well as unrealistic characters. I'm sorry, it's just…I tried and tried and tried and there's only so much I can do. Little Dragon started out very promising, but I, as the author, failed and now it's going downhill. Rapidly. So, there will be one, maybe two more chapters and then it's going to be the end of it.

I'm really sorry. You've been incredible reviewers and I feel very bad at disappointing you horribly, but I can't see any other way. I'd rather finish this thing and be done with it then have it stuck in the back of my mind forever.

The next chapter should be out in the next few weeks – I finally completed my exams so I should have time.

Kaeera


	10. A silent goodbye

**Disclaimer**: This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic

Did you know that by now you can't even write the name f a n f i c t i o n . n e t in normal writing anymore (I have to use spaces between the letters!)? It automatically gets deleted! Woh! I feel very censored! What right do they have to delete ANYTHING I have written? Ever heard about the freedom of speech and writing? What about 'unleash your imagination'? They're certainly hypocrites on this site and I must say, by now I'm wondering whether it's really worth the hassle.

I hate the formatting here. You can't even use spaces, which really sucks, as it destroys the flow of the story. I'm sorry that it looks so horrible - the 'poem' should be seperated by spaces, but I was just trying fruitlessly for an hour to get #f a n f i c t i o n. n e t # to do it...which they wouldn't. So you just have to read one big mashed together piece. Go and complain to the makers - I would certainly like to do so. They want me to 'free my soul', but give me so silly and STRICT rules in formatting that it's not even possible.

* * *

**Little Dragon**

_by Kaeera_

**Chapter Ten: A silent good-bye**

Daisuke ran. He ran faster than ever before in his life. The wind rushed past him, as he dodged people and cars, skidded around corners and dashed madly across the streets. His heart pounded loudly in his ears, but he ignored it, needed the adrenaline to keep himself going .

This couldn't be. It had to be a dream, some kind of wicked nightmare, but…but…

But this was _real_ and that was the reason it hurt so much, the reason why it tore at his heart and _burned_. It wasn't a dream, it was reality and it wouldn't change. There's was no escape, nothing to flee the nightmare.

He stumbled over a stone and fell. The rough asphalt scraped his knees, sending a burning wave of pain through his body. Daisuke dimly stared at the blood, unable to comprehend. The injury itself wasn't great, but it added physical pain to the emotional one; and that was too much. His breathing grew ragged, as tears started to stream down his face.

It wasn't fair. It simply wasn't fair!

Instead of running again, he curled up and hid his face in his hands. How had it ever come that far? Everything he had dreaded, everything he had feared…had become reality, and now he was lost and alone and miserable and…and…didn't know what to do…

* * *

"_I'm sorry, but…we couldn't save her."_

_The words, spoken with a professional detachment, brought the world crashing down. The room shifted out of focus, as he concentrated on these words and these words alone. Couldn't save. Like: we were too late. As in: There was nothing to be done. We did everything we could. The odds were too high._

_How ironic._

_The doctor looked sympathetic, tried to help his mother when she broke down sobbing. Talked softly with his father, probably explaining some of the details. They were too caught up in their own grief to notice their son. Oh, they knew he was there, but pain is a strange thing. It makes people egoistic; it's hard to emphasize when you're grieving. _

_Jun was dead._

_D-e-a-d. Dead. As in 'never going to laugh again'. As in 'a lifeless corpse lying on the bed'. As in 'gone forever and leaving a hole in all our lives'._

_A hole that wouldn't – couldn't – be filled again, that would always be there, and damn, it hurt, damn, it was just so painful and why, why had be been too late, why couldn't he say good-bye to her one last time, why was life so cruel?

* * *

_

Like in trance, he watched the blood trickling down his knee.

Had Jun been in pain?

Had she been bleeding?

He didn't have the slightest clue, and to be quite honest, he didn't even want to know. He certainly wished she had been able to die peacefully. Maybe she had just slipped away in her slumber, without even noticing…That would be nice. That way she hadn't been afraid, hadn't seen what was coming.

But it didn't change the fact that she was dead.

Hot tears ran down his face. "Why?" Daisuke croaked and stared at the sky. "Why did you have to take her? She didn't want to die, dammit! She had so much life left in her, and she was ready to fight, but damn, you didn't even give her a chance!"

That was what hurt the most, Daisuke realised. Jun had been fighting, all the time, hadn't lost her optimism, but it had all been in vain. All their efforts, their struggles to get her back on track, to encourage her that yes, it was worth to keep living, had been futile.

Daisuke, who had grown up with the belief that you could achieve anything if you only worked hard enough, found out the harsh truth.

Sometimes, things just happen, and there's nothing that can be done to prevent them. Powerless, as we are.

It hurt. Damn, it hurt.

Stumbling, the boy stood up and glared at the offending sky, who had the obstinacy to look totally peaceful and calm.

"I never believed in any gods, or religion." he whispered. "But the universe has a pretty bad sense of humour, if you ask me."

Nobody asked him, though. Daisuke continued walking again, as he realised that he was drawing attention to himself. He didn't want to confront the others – or anyone, for that matter. Not now. Not when his emotions were so raw, so open. He needed to come to grip with it first…hell, how was he supposed to do that? His sister died! How could he ever…ever…accept this…

Suddenly, he was furious. Angrily, he slammed his fist against a nearby wall and started running again. He wanted to be away from the crowd, needed to be on his own, before he did something stupid like attacking random people.

His breath hitched and sweat poured down his brow as he skidded corners and dashed through side streets. Finally, he reached his destination – a small park in a peaceful living area far away from the city centre.

It was early, so nobody was there. Daisuke relished the peaceful scenery and walked through the grass until he reached a couple of trees. He leaned his head against a tree trunk and tried to control his emotions.

It didn't work. The tears kept coming, huge sobs wracking his thin body.

"God, I miss you!" he whispered and closed his eyes. "It hasn't even been a day yet and I already miss you."

* * *

"_No." His mother gasped. His father didn't say anything, but his face was as white as chalk. Daisuke stood behind them, feeling sick._

_The doctor looked uncomfortable. He had been treating Jun and knew her; clearly, he was upset by her death as well._

"_How?" Daisuke asked, surprised at the steadiness of his voice._

"_It was the cold." The doctor admitted. "Your sister was already weak. With her immune system down and her __drepanocythemia__, her body simply didn't have any strength left. We gave her medication, but it didn't have any use. Early this morning, her body shut down while she was sleeping. We tried to resurrect her, but we failed…I'm sorry."_

_His mother started to cry, short, sobbing gasps of pain and loss that tore at his heart. "Not my baby!" she wept. "She didn't deserve this!"

* * *

_

"No!" Daisuke whimpered. "She can't be dead! She's my sister! What am I going to do now? I'm not cut out to be an only child! Who's going to fight with me over the remote control? Who's going to tease me about my nonexistent love life?"

They had never been particularly close, but there had been a bond between them, forged by the similarities in their characters. Over the last couple of weeks, Daisuke had learned how much he had come to rely on Jun. He didn't want to – no, couldn't! – live without her.

Even though everybody had been afraid this was going to happen, even though the doctors had warned them that there was always a possibility…nothing could have prepared him.

"I wonder what you're doing right." The Chosen mumbled, staring at the sky. "Are you up there somewhere, watching us and thinking how stupid we are?" A small smile fluttered over his face. "You'd make a pretty bad angel, do you know that? You're far too brash, for example, and too stubborn. You're missing the blonde locks as well. I bet you're annoying your co-angels right now, aren't you?"

Daisuke could imagine her grimacing in response. "_Davis_", she would have said. "_My little finger is a better angel than you could ever be!_"

"You know? I think you might be right with that." He agreed sadly. And then he curled into a ball and cried, cried until no tears were left in his body.

* * *

_

* * *

_

_Have you ever had something precious ripped away from you?_

_Have you ever lost something you held dear, without even knowing consciously how dear?_

_When the doctor told us about Jun, I thought my world had shattered. The room seemed to disappear, and it was just me, standing in white nothingness, with the words echoing through my head. _

_Jun is dead. She's dead. She will never come back. You lost her. She's gone. _

_Forever._

_Everybody around me was crying, but I didn't do anything. I had raced there directly from the school, the euphoria from my good results forgotten. Only to get there and learn that it was too late._

_Somebody ripped my heart out that very moment, leaving only a hole behind. I couldn't react. I just stood there, numbly, and watched everything around me. _

_My father was comforting my mother, every now and then checking on me to see whether I was okay. _

_Well, I wasn't. My sister had just died – how could I be okay?_

_But I didn't cry. Not at once. I stood and stared and listened and…well…fell in a kind of trance. The hospital seemed to suffocate me. Everything was wrong, bent out of shape and somehow unreal. People approached me, touched me, spoke to me, until finally, I couldn't bear it anymore. I broke into a run and bolted from the room. Shouts followed me, but I didn't listen. _

_I had only one goal in my mind: to leave. _

_On my way outside, I passed Hikari and Takeru, but I ignored them as well. I just wanted to get away, and so I ran, ran until my legs couldn't carry me anymore and I stumbled to the ground. _

_Daisuke's Notes

* * *

_

_

* * *

_

When he finally returned to the hospital, it was almost noon. He was surprised to see that everybody was there; apparently Takeru and Hikari had gotten wind of what had happened and had called the others. Miyako, Ken, Iori, and Veemon were sitting patiently in the waiting area. Daisuke felt a surge of relief when he saw them, even though he didn't really understand why. It was just nice to have someone, he guessed, knowing very well that he could never turn to his parents.

As soon as his friends saw him, he was engulfed in a wave of tearful hugs and kisses. Veemon clung to his feet, determined not to leave his partner's side.

Daisuke endured the attention with weary resignation, too tired to answer or speak much. After a while, everybody calmed down a bit.

Ken stood by his side, a steady hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Davis." he said sincerely. "I wish this didn't have to happen. I know how you feel – know how hard it is – so if you need to talk, I'm here."

Daisuke smiled, as it dawned to him that out of their little group, Ken was the only one who could _really_ understand. Ken had lost his brother, and he had given in to the despair. Now he was offering his help, his experience, so that he wouldn't endure the same fate. It was humbling; and Daisuke appreciated it.

"Thank you." He didn't smile, even though it would have been appropriate. He couldn't smile – not now, not yet. The pain was too fresh, the wound too open. Smiling hurt. Smiling hurt because Jun would never smile again.

"I still can't believe it." Daisuke whispered as the tears started to fall again. "I mean…she's gone! Just like that, and she's gone. Yesterday we were talking about the merits of soccer, and today she's simply…not there anymore."

"At least she's not in pain anymore." Takeru offered, feeling foolish, but it was the only thing that came to his mind. Next to him, Hikari was crying, brown eyes red rimmed and full of tears. She had learned to like the older Motomiya, had accepted her as a friend, and the very idea that Jun would never get the chance to meet her digimon partner broke her heart.

Daisuke just snorted and shoved his hands in his pockets. He really didn't feel like talking – couldn't Takeru just stay silent? Especially those kinds of comments…he really didn't want to hear them right now.

Something crackled under his fingers. It felt like paper, but what…Frowning, the boy pulled a crumpled letter out of his pocket. It was labelled with his sister's messy scrawl, addressed to him. What the heck…

"_For Daisuke_", it said. "_In the case of…well, you know what_."

He felt his knees go weak. The letter! The goddamn letter Jun had written to him!

Daisuke gripped the envelope with trembling fingers. A message from Jun. Her last words, dedicated to him. Wildly, he looked around. He couldn't read it here, not with the others around. He needed some piece and quiet, some secluded space…the perfect place came into his mind and he turned to his friends.

"I need a time-out." The boy announced and made a hasty retreat. "I'll be on the roof."

Ken eyed him worriedly. He had noticed the change in his friend's behaviour. "Davis? What's wrong?"

Daisuke laughed bitterly. "How can you actually ask that?"

The genius flushed. "Sorry…I didn't think."

"It's alright." The leader of the Chosen shook his head. "It's just…I need to be on my own. For a bit. Just half an hour, and then I'll come back, okay? I'm not going to do anything stupid, I just need to…remember."

"Sure." Most of them didn't understand, sent him looks of concern and confusion. But he couldn't explain. They couldn't have stopped him from going anyway.

Without another word, Daisuke sped towards the stairway and made his way upstairs, the letter clutched closely at his heart. It contained the last memory of his sister, his last link to her fading spirit. He couldn't, wouldn't read it with the others there; it simply didn't seem right. No, he needed to be alone.

The roof was empty, a flat, concrete area with walls around to refrain people from jumping. Daisuke enjoyed the view for a moment, then looked for a lonely corner and plopped down on the cold concrete floor.

He took a deep breath, composed himself – and opened the letter.

It contained one page of red paper, full of messy handwriting. He recognized his sister's writing immediately; her habit to scribble and rush; her own, special way of drawing the character for 'Jun'; and of course, the stickers she had put everywhere.

_My dear little Dragon,_

_Do you remember that I used to call you that? When you were little? It was such a fitting name. You, with your fiery temper, but still so small and in need of protection…and of course, you hated that nickname, which made it even better._

_Well. Enough of the jokes. I reckon I should be serious for once._

_If you read this, then it means the ultimate has happened – I'm dead and you're stuck alone on this world, without an annoying older sister to give to a good kick on your backside. It sounds horrible, not only because I'm dead, but because I will never have the chance to annoy you again. And I was so looking forward to teasing you about your first girlfriend (if you'll ever have one)._

_I'm sorry. Even in my death letter, I'm being funny. I shouldn't be, because you're probably crying right now and missing me terribly. Don't deny it, Davis; I know that you love me, as I always loved you. We just didn't show it._

_Little dragon, I am writing to you because I want you to remember these lines. They contain all my love, my pride and my thoughts_

_My little dragon, who's so strong and still cries at night (hot, fiery tears, hidden in the darkness)._

_(Did that sound pathetic or what?)_

_While I was sitting in the hospital, I had a lot of time to think. Too much time, some would say. I could exactly imagine how my death would be like, and believe me, it wasn't a great experience. During one, silent-filled night, I actually wrote my own eulogy – and tore it to pieces afterwards._

_I have to thank you, little dragon – thank you and your friends. You were always there for me, gave me my spirit back when I was at the lowest and made me laugh. You have a wonderful gift, Davis; you can make people laugh, and that's something much needed in our dark world. I know that you think of yourself as unworthy (yes, I can see through that façade of yours!), but believe me, you're not. It was only because of you that I managed to keep my sanity (the little that I still possess)._

_But something must have happened, otherwise you wouldn't read this letter and I wouldn't be dead. Maybe I became tired. Maybe it was some freak accident. It doesn't matter._

_I never told you, but there were moments when I actually wished to die. At least then the pain would be over, and all the hassle with the doctors and treatments and, well, stuff. I just wanted it to end. I was tired, Davis, so tired and exhausted, of simply everything._

_However, whatever happened, I don't want you to blame yourself. It wasn't your fault; it was a freakish accident, some kind of coincidence or some kind of deity that simply hates my guts. I don't know. What I know for sure is that it **wasn't your fault! **So don't go around and feel guilty because you're alive and I'm not. Because I know you. You're going to do exactly that and deny yourself any pleasures, because I won't be able to enjoy them anymore. _

_Rubbish!_

_I admit that I will miss everything terribly, but still, I want you to keep living. Sure, you're going to be sad for a while (I would be insulted if not!), but don't let that destroy your life. I saw how you acted when I was at the hospital, and I didn't like it. In order to keep me company, you neglected yourself! Well, that's going to stop now. I might be dead, but I can still order you around! You are to go outside and do well in life, is that understood, Daisuke Motomiya?_

_I want you to remember me in fondness and not in tears. And I'd rather have it if you celebrated my funeral in some kind of karaoke bar, but I guess Mum and Dad are going to be against that. Pity. Would have been cool._

_Well, I don't know what's going to happen to me. But wherever I am, be assured that I think of you. You will always be my little brother, no matter what! I'm going to miss you terribly, because it has been a wonderful life so far, with many ups and downs, but wonderful nonetheless. _

_I love you._

_Jun_

_PS: I'm going to copy a poem I wrote during my boring hospital hours. It's dedicated to you, so feel honoured!

* * *

_

_little dragon_

_feel the air under your wings, come_

_don't be afraid of the last step_

_little dragon_

_life is one big adventure_

_but what comes next, we don't know_

_Little Dragon, be my guide_

_Help me being strong _

_And teach me how to laugh again_

_For I fear that the shadows are overwhelming_

_And I cannot fight much longer_

_Little Dragon, promise me_

_Promise me to give your best_

_Even though I won't be there to encourage you_

_Little Dragon, think of me_

_As I will think of you_

_Always_

_But it's no shame to cry_

_It's no shame to show emotions_

_Because we are only humans_

_And humans cry _

_when they hurt_

_Humans cry_

_It's okay_

_Little Dragon_

_It's going to be okay_

_Little Dragon, make me proud_

_I'm not giving up and neither should you_

_If I have to go down, then I want to go down fighting_

_Little Dragon, don't be sad_

_I feel it's time for me to leave_

_I'm getting weaker, getting pale_

_But I will always think of you_

_And be with you in your dreams_

_Little Dragon_

_Stretch your wings and fly_

_Leave behind the burden you bear_

_And soar through the skies_

_Like you always did_

_Mind and spirit free_

_#

* * *

_

..._miss you…_

* * *

Daisuke stared at the letter. Jun's voice echoed in his head, and he could almost see her, with that sad, little smile on her face. "Oh, Jun!" he whispered and buried his face in the paper. Somehow, reading the lines had made the sadness even greater, yet he felt…relieved, he guessed. 

_I never got the chance to say good-bye_, Daisuke reflected. _But…no. Everything has been a good-bye, when I think of it. Every day, every moment I spent with her. It was all leading up to this._

He traced the letters with his finger. The sadness didn't go, was still there, eating him alive. Oh gawd, he missed her so much!

Soft footsteps announced a presence, but he didn't look up. Instead, he glanced at the floor, which was dull and grey and generally very boring. The world seemed to have lost its colour.

"I thought I'd better look for you." A soft voice announced.

Daisuke smiled without a trace of humour. "Afraid I might do something stupid?"

"No, not really." Ken replied sincerely, carefully sitting down on the ground. "But I thought you might need a friend."

"Is this going to be one of those emotional pep-talks?" Daisuke frowned. "If yes, then I'm really not up to it right now." Absently, he put the letter back into the envelope and avoided Ken's gaze.

"No pep-talk." The genius promised. "Just general talking."

"It's not going to bring her back."

"Nothing will."

"So why should I talk about it?" Daisuke turned angrily towards his friend. "What am I supposed to tell you? Do you want every detail? Do you want to hear how much I miss her already? Do you want to see me break down and cry?"

Ken regarded him calmly, his dark eyes full of understanding. "Because…because if you bottle it up, the pain will only become larger and larger. It will be like poison in your heart, and it'll drag you down until you're unable to smile anymore. I don't want this to happen to you, Davis. You're one of the kindest people on this planet – you don't deserve this fate."

The boy snorted. "Well, neither did Jun."

"No, neither did she."

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Daisuke stared sullenly at his shoes. He had already broken down once today; he didn't want to do it a second time.

"When Osamu died, I thought the world would end." Ken's soft voice startled him. "I used to hate him with every fibre of my body. He was everything I wasn't, and I hated him for that. I remember that I even wished for him to die, as children sometimes do."

Daisuke turned to listen, interested despite everything that had happened. Ken rarely talked about his brother; and when he did, it was always tinted with regret and sorrow. The boy knew the basics of the story, knew more than the others, but it was still a touchy subject.

"Then he had this stupid accident." Ken continued, unaware of Daisuke's thoughts. "And he died. I guess nobody can imagine what I felt when my parents told me. I hated him, and suddenly he wasn't there anymore! And it was my fault, because I had wished for it, because I had wanted him to die!"

He smiled sadly. "Of course, it was nobody's fault, but I didn't know – didn't understand - that back then. And nobody told me. My parents were grieving themselves, they couldn't help me – after all they had lost their perfect son. And so I was alone with my pain, my feelings, my guilt."

He turned his head and stared at Daisuke, eyes full of churning emotions. "That was when the darkness caught me. I was weak and vulnerable, and before I knew it, it had me in its claws. And you know how I nearly ended up." Ken shuddered as he remembered his time as the Kaiser. Then his face hardened. "I don't want it to be like that for you, Davis. I won't let you down. I'm your friend. I'm here."

Daisuke closed his eyes, trying to get a grip of the emotions that washed over him. There was gratefulness, for once; and surprise, anger, sadness, despair and, well, resignation.

"She's dead, Ken. She's dead." He finally whispered, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He wondered how many he had left. He felt as if he had cried his body empty, and yet they were still flowing.

He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and welcomed the touch. It was his only link to reality right now, the only thing that was keeping him sane. "And she wrote me a good-bye letter to tell me…" Daisuke's voice broke. "Told me that she loves me…"

"Just like you loved her."

"Yes…but she's gone!" Daisuke buried his head in his hands. "Ken…if I just think of it…it's so hard!"

"I know it is." Ken tried his best to be comforting. "But the pain is going to grow less, after a while. You will always miss her, and that's perfectly natural, because she's your sister and you love her – but it won't be as devastating as it seems now."

Daisuke stared, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular. "I'm going to go home and she won't be there. Can you believe that? Her room…it will be empty." He laughed bitterly. "Hell, there will be nobody to raid the fridge at night, or buy stupid girly magazines. I'm going to be alone with my parents. Me! Alone! I don't know…it's just…she's always been there, and in her own, twisted way, she protected me. And now. After all the fighting we did, after _everything_, she just went away and left us…left me… "

His breath hitched and turned into a sob. "She never saw my results. Hell, she never even knew how well I did! I worked like mad, just for her, to make her proud, and now she doesn't even know…gosh, she doesn't even know…"

Daisuke curled up again, trying to make himself as small as possible. He was crying again, desperate sobs wracking his slim body.

Ken slung one arm around his friend, then the other one, until he held the smaller boy securely. The hug was meant to give comfort, and after the first, initial surprise Daisuke accepted it. Warmth seeped through his body as he let himself fall, too tired to think anymore.

The letter was still in his hands, as the boy finally fell asleep, emotionally and physically exhausted.

**To be continued

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**

A/N: Thank you for the overwhelming review responses! Here I was, utterly devastated and of the opinion that I would get a massive bunch of flames, and what did I get? Wonderful reviews filled with ecnouraging words. I was really surprised and flattered. I still think this story has too many flaws, especially after what I had planned for it (which you, thankfully, will never know) and the lack of a beta-reader is noticable everywhere.

As I said, I'm trying my best to finish this story. Only one more chapter, and we should have reached the end of it. Sorry about letting Jun die, but I actually never intended to let her live. That would have been too...well, Hollywood-like.

I don't think I portrayed Daisuke's loss well, though...he seems a bit flat. #frowns#


	11. Funeral for a sister

**Disclaimer**: This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

Last chapter! There's going to be an epilogue after this, but I'm going to upload it straight away, so don't worry – you don't have to wait.

I'm surprised that I made so many people cry. I certainly didn't expect that…and now I feel really pressured to make a good ending. Well…actually, I kind of like the last lines, but maybe it's too cheesy…not sure about that. At least the story is finished now (phew!).

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**Little Dragon**

_by Kaeera_

**Chapter Eleven: Funeral for a sister**

Opening the door to her room was one of the hardest things Daisuke had ever done.

His friends had offered to accompany him, so that he wouldn't be alone, but he had refused, insisting that he needed to do it on his own. He felt he owned Jun that much…it was a strange gut feeling, one he couldn't really explain.

His parents were busy, trying to deal with their grief and at the same time informing relatives, organising everything for the – the idea made him sick – funeral.

_Jun's funeral._

So it came that he was all alone in the apartment, with the exception of Veemon, who hovered determinately by his side. He wouldn't leave his partner, no matter what.

"It's kind of stupid, really." Daisuke muttered more to himself, hand lingering over the door handle.

"What?" Veemon looked up at him expectantly.

"That I'm afraid of entering my sister's room." He hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. "It's just…this is Jun's room. She's been in here forever…I mean, I can't remember a time when this room wasn't hers! But now, she's gone…and the room is still there…"

He didn't cry. No, instead he just stared ahead, lost and miserable. Daisuke felt achy and tired, as if he'd run a marathon.

"I don't think it's stupid." Veemon shook his head. "It's okay to be afraid. I am, too. I can't believe she's gone. But she is. And this room will only remind us of it, as long as it is there."

The digimon took a deep breath. "You don't have to go in there if you don't want to. We can wait. Do it later, when you're more prepared. When you feel up to it."

"You're right." Daisuke said slowly, the thoughts turning in his head. Then a small smile appeared on his face. "But as I'm the Chosen of my Courage, it is my duty to fight against my fears." Resolutely, he turned the door handle and opened the door.

The room was as messy as Daisuke's. Nobody had bothered to clean it up – after all, they had believed, had hoped, that Jun would come back to do it herself. Daisuke could remember his mother's face all too clearly when she had said those words – the tears glinting in her eyes, the watery smile.

"_We're not changing anything in her room. Jun would be angry when she gets back from the hospital…"_

The room was still a mess, but Jun would never come back.

Signs of the older Motomiya sibling were everywhere. Clothes strewn on the floor, colourful T-Shirts, skirts and shoes (most of them boots, as Jun seemed to have developed a strange liking for them). The desk was full of books and papers, piled so high that it was a miracle in itself they were still standing.

Daisuke smiled softly as he discovered a cup with some brown liquid in it. Jun loved to drink tea, but she would always forget to clean up the cups afterwards, which annoyed the rest of the family to no end. More than once Daisuke had opened the kitchen cupboard just to find it devoid of any cups, and when he had looked into his sister's room, they were all their, piled on the desk, on the floor and near the bed.

He stepped closer to the desk and stared at the books. Carefully, he flipped one open and flinched when he read his sister's messy scrawl.

"She's never going to need those again," the boy whispered softly and closed his eyes.

He put the book back and started looking at the photos that were pinned against the wall. Most of them showed Jun with her friends, on a school excursion to Kyoto, shopping in the mall, the short trip to the beach they had taken.

One of them spotlighted Jun hunting down Yamato, who had the shit-there's-no-escape-look on his face. Daisuke remembered that particular moment; Hikari had taken the photo, while the rest of them had been busy laughing about the crazy antics of his sister and Yamato's suffering expression.

Jun had liked it, stating that it portrayed her daily life, and besides, she liked photos that showed her and a cute guy.

Yep, that was Jun indeed.

There were a couple of pictures of him, as well. Daisuke as a little kid, in his pyjamas and clinging to Jun's leg with a scared look on his face (he used to have nightmares a lot).

Daisuke and Veemon, sitting on the couch and snoring loudly, drool trailing down his face (who had taken that picture? How embarrassing! And she had put it into her _room_?)

And finally, he and Jun sitting on the couch and arguing over the remote control. Both were wearing the same stubborn expression on their faces; the 'I'm-not-giving-in' look that made them so very alike.

Daisuke softly touched the picture. "We're never going to argue about the remote again," he told Veemon and was surprised at the steadiness of his own voice. "It's…I can't imagine that. I mean, we did it every day. No matter when I wanted to watch TV, I always had to fight for it. Jun…she wanted to watch her stupid soap operas, or one of those music channels…and she'd never let me watch my animes or the latest sports news…and so we'd fight…"

His voice trailed off as he took the photo off the wall. "I hated her for it. I wished for some peace, so that I'd be able to watch whatever I wanted. I longed for her to be gone. I was so fed up with having to argue all the time…"

"She kept you on your toes." Veemon stated.

"I know." Daisuke stared at the picture one last time and then pocketed it. "And the weird thing is, I'm going to miss it. Hell, I'm going to miss it…"

He turned around and sat down on the desk chair. The room still held so much of Jun's presence that he almost couldn't believe she was dead. But she was, and sitting here made the pain only worse.

Daisuke lifted his head and stared at the ceiling. "I guess you're up there now," he murmured softly. "Probably arguing about your wings and looking for a cute angel guy you can hunt down."

He sighed. It wasn't fair. She had been gone for – what? A day? Barely. And yet he missed her so much, it was crazy. Sure, Ken had said that it would get better, that the pain would lessen, but right now, he couldn't imagine that would ever happen.

Slowly, the boy sank to the ground. "God, I miss you!" he whispered and closed his eyes.

"It's alright to cry." Veemon crawled into his lap and looked at him comfortingly. "Jun would understand."

"Of course she would," Daisuke smiled shakily. "She always understood more than she let on. But I've cried so much today, I don't think I have any tears left. I don't want to cry anymore, not today…not now." He pulled the digimon closer, seeking comfort in a hug. "I just wonder…is the pain ever going to lessen?"

Veemon hugged him back. "Of course it will. You're one of the strongest people I know; you can overcome this. You can't let the grief win, Davis. You have to do what Jun told you – continue living. You can't withdraw from life. Can't give up. She would have been disappointed. And if you keep on fighting, and living, and well, being Daisuke, then it's going to get better. Gradually."

"Are you sure?" Daisuke's voice sounded frail and lost.

The digimon nodded determinedly. "Yes, I am. You will never stop missing her; that would be a lie and you and I know it. But the pain will diminish. One day, you'll be able to remember her without feeling the need to cry. You'll remember her and smile, because you were happy together, because she was a great sister, because she was _Jun_."

Veemon paused and reflected on his words. "But those things take time. The wound is still fresh, and you're hurting. It's alright. Nobody blames you because of it. Just…don't shut us out, alright? Let me comfort you. Let the others comfort you. We're your friends and we want to help you."

Daisuke nodded slowly. "I…well…"

"You can't do this alone." Veemon insisted. "But we can do it together."

The Chosen of Courage took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He remembered Jun's letter. He remembered her gentle words, her reassurances and her plea not to give up.

"You're right." He nodded and hugged the little digimon. "You're right."

_Thank you, Veemon. For telling me the truth. For reminding me what's important. For keeping my sanity._

_Thank you, my friend, for being there.

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_

**Funeral **

The gravestone was simple, with only her name, her birth date and a couple of words carved into it. The white marble shimmered slightly in the golden sunlight, looking peaceful to the world.

They stood in a half circle around it, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Daisuke's parents were holding each other, their faces sad and withdrawn. All the Chosen were there, as well, complete with digimon. Daisuke stood apart from them, his hair moving with the gentle wind, his expression unreadable. He hadn't shed a single tear during the entire funeral, had just stared ahead sightlessly.

Hikari couldn't help being worried. It wasn't like Daisuke to be so withdrawn. Jun had died over two weeks ago, and so far, Daisuke had taken it remarkably well. He had accepted their help, had even cried in front of them.

Today was…different.

It had started with the clothes. The boy had refused to wear anything formal, insisting that Jun wouldn't have liked it. His sister preferred bright colours, he had argued, and so they should dress that way. Now he was wearing a blue T-Shirt and black trousers with flame stripes on their sides. Everybody had been confused, of course, but when Daisuke had explained, they had agreed to do the same.

And so it came that a merrily dressed party arrived at the graveyard, much to the shock of the Motomiyas. Well, most of them. His parents seemed to have expected something like that; but then again, Hikari guessed, with Daisuke as their son, they were used to being surprised.

Nobody had really _cried_ during the funeral speeches, but there was such an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss in the air that it seemed heavy and oppressing.

"Look." Miyako hissed, startling the girl out of her thoughts. They had started throwing the flowers on the grave, a last farewell everybody was supposed to say.

Family usually came first, but Daisuke lingered behind, waiting for everybody of his relatives to be finished before he stepped forward. The white lily was grasped tightly in his hands, as he stared at the grave for long seconds.

"I'm going to miss you," he began and hesitated, his voice rough and shaky. "It's not fair that you had to leave us this early. After all this fighting and…well…I really thought we could do it." Daisuke paused, gathering his composure. "I'm going to do what…what you told me to do. And I think…well, I thing I can do it. But I'll always miss you."

The lily fell out of his fingers and sailed slowly to the ground. "Love you, Jun." Daisuke whispered and then whirled around, leaving the grave and everyone else behind. He was supposed to go to the funeral get-together next, but how could he? He didn't want to see all his relatives with the pitiful looks on their faces, their false smiles, their reassurances that 'everything would be okay'.

Instead, he walked away from the others, until he found a calm spot where he was alone with his thoughts.

The day had passed in a whirlwind of different events. The memories ran together in a blur, and Daisuke honestly couldn't say what he'd been up to since this morning.

But one image was burned forever in his mind, etched into his memory.

He and his parents standing in front of the grave, with the white lilies in their hands. Three people. _Three_, not four.

Daisuke stared at the sky, reflecting on the irony of it all. Very often he had wished for Jun to disappear, had wished for more attention from his parents. Now his mother was basically smothering him and he hated it. He couldn't blame her, though; she had already lost one child, and the fear of losing another was clearly visible in her eyes.

He was an only child now.

_It hurt_.

"Miss you…" Daisuke whispered and looked at the white clouds that were moving over the sky. Was Jun up there? Like the angels in the stories? Or was she somewhere else?

Wherever she was, he thought wryly, she would make her way with the typical Motomiya stubbornness. Somehow, that thought made him feel better than any consolations ever would. Life would be difficult without his sister; and very often, he'd be devastated. Or feeling like he was now, utterly alone and lost, so caught in his own grief that they world seemed to have lost all colour.

But, as everybody had said and Jun insisted, life went on. Life didn't care about losses and death, it just, well, continued to flow. The sun was still rising, the earth still turning. The city bustled around him, humans everywhere, following their tasks, living their own, separate lives. Nobody of them knew what had happened to him – and, if he was honest to himself, nobody really cared.

Nothing _stopped_ because Jun was dead.

'_You are to go outside and do well in life, is that understood, Daisuke Motomiya?'_

The words from the letter came back to his mind, and he smiled, not because it was really funny, but because the wording was so typically _Jun_…

'_I want you to remember me in fondness and not in tears. And I'd rather have it if you celebrated my funeral in some kind of karaoke bar, but I guess Mum and Dad are going to be against that. Pity. Would have been cool.'_

Now that made him laugh. Only Ken knew that those particular lines had been what inspired him to wear his fancy outfit. Jun would have thrown a tantrum would she have known that he was wearing formal wear. Of course, his parents had protested, but when he had showed them the letter – and explained why he was doing it – they had been remarkably adamant.

And, much to his surprise, his mother had exchanged her white scarf against a red one, showing at least a speck of colour.

"You're influencing us even now, you know that?" Daisuke told the sky.

He could almost imagine her voice floating back to him. _I damn well should_, followed by that dry chuckle that was simply _hers_.

'_You're probably crying right now and missing me terribly. Don't deny it, Davis; I know that you love me, as I always loved you. We just didn't show it.'_

Yes, it was true, he was missing her terribly, and the pain was as sharp as a knife, digging through his heart, but somehow…somehow he felt at peace.

_Little Dragon_

_Stretch your wings and fly_

_Leave behind the burden you bear_

_And soar through the skies_

_Like you always did_

_Mind and spirit free_

Daisuke took one last glance at the clouds and waved. Who knew, maybe she was there and snickered because he was behaving so foolishly. Or maybe she waved back, glad that he thought of her.

Then he turned around to face his friends. Hikari smiled at him, her eyes sad, yet full of warmth and compassion. Ken simply stood beside her, ready to be there if needed, but understanding that he needed his space.

Takeru smiled – a hopeful, cheerful smile that meant more to him than thousand words, because it showed that his blonde friend and rival was still there, ready to support him despite their differences.

Miyako looked uncomfortable – he could see the sadness in her eyes, but she'd never been one for open feelings and so she didn't know what to do. It was actually quite amusing to see her fidget.

Finally Iori, who looked grave and small, so very responsible and attentive. He, too, knew about grief and understood Daisuke better than he let on.

"You okay, Davis?" A small voice asked, and the boy looked down to see his digimon partner.

Daisuke smiled at Veemon and bent down to scoop him up in his arms. "Well…that's a stupid question, you know?" he replied as he made his way back to the others.

Veemon blushed. "Oh. Probably." He paused for a moment. "So…will you be okay?"

He turned to look at his friend and felt surprised at the understanding shimmering in the big, purple eyes. Veemon knew. All along, he had known what was going on in Daisuke's heart, and he had offered his support without being obvious. Even now he understood that he was a long way from being 'fine'; and he accepted it, just like that, understanding that there were moments when, well, when nothing was okay.

It flattered him to have such a friend by his side.

Daisuke looked up at his friends and their digimon, and then at the white marble stone behind them. He remembered all the times they had spent together, the fights they had endured, the fun they'd had. And he remembered Jun's words, with a painful clarity that dug through the haze of pain and sadness.

"That's a difficult question to answer," he began and blinked against the sunlight. "But…well, would you know…I guess I will be."

He was surprised at his own answer, yet he knew that it was true. He wasn't okay. No, he was still sad and angry and grieving and missing Jun with every fibre of his being. But at the same time, he just knew – felt it somewhere deep in his heart – that, given time, he would be alright, that life continued and he'd be a part of it.

Daisuke nodded thoughtfully and patted Veemon's head in an unspoken gesture of understanding. His heart felt a lot lighter all of sudden.

A blackbird was singing not far away, the beautiful melody mingling with the other peaceful sounds of the graveyard. Daisuke closed his eyes for a moment, listening to the song, caught by the sheer beauty of it.

Then, slowly, he started smiling. His voice was barely above a whisper when he finally replied, but Veemon heard it anyway, and so did the other Chosen. The response brought a smile to their faces, and suddenly the day seemed a lot brighter.

"Yes. I'm going to be okay."

Because it was true, because he knew – _felt_ - he would adjust, because he was strong and he didn't have to face it alone.

He was Daisuke, and he never gave up. He would miss his sister and he would cry and rage and mope, but in the end, he would continue fighting, because that was what he did, because that was what made him _Daisuke_.

**To be concluded in the epilogue…**


	12. Epilogue: A Letter

**Disclaimer**: This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.

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**Epilogue: A Letter**

_by Kaeera _

**

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**

_Dear Jun,_

_Well, I'm writing this letter to you because…because I thought that you might be able to read it, somehow. There are so many things I want to tell you...But you're not here, and I just had to get my thoughts out, so I sat down at my desk and before I even knew it, I was writing away. ._

_It's been six months since you died and I still miss you terribly. You wouldn't believe how much! _

_The apartment seems empty and, well, lonely without your presence. We left your room as it is, but Mum and Dad never go there. I think it hurts them. They're talking about emptying it – throwing out your things or at least putting them into boxes so that we don't see them anymore. _

_Moving on._

_I think we all did that. Moved on. It's difficult. It's so hard, especially when I'm reminded by so many things that you're not there anymore._

_During the first two months, I never watched TV. I couldn't bear the thought that there was nobody there to fight with! The others convinced me that it was quite foolish, and now it's okay, but it still hurts sometimes. You know, I automatically try to hide the remote control, it's a reflex…a reflex that has become useless by now._

_There are so many things you missed, so many things I wanted to tell you. Do you know that the day you died, I received the exam results? Remember how much I studied? I wanted you to be proud of me, so I studied day and night…_

_I was really afraid of the results, because, well, I thought I was too stupid. But I was among the top ten! Can you imagine that? Me, Daisuke Motomiya, received an award for outstanding academic results! The whole school was in uproar. I was simply in a daze._

_I was accepted at a really good school, would you believe it? Ken and I are in the same class, as well as Takeru and Hikari. It's wonderful that we're all together. Miyako is in the same school, just a year above us. I'm glad that Ken is there with me – he really understands! After all, his brother died when he was younger. He went through the same experiences, through the same pain._

_Maybe his brother is up there with you? If you ever meet a genius named Osamu, tell him 'hi' from me and explain that you are the sister of his brother's best friend (huh, sounds complicated). _

_Of course, I'm in the soccer school team, one of the youngest members (ha! Be proud of your amazing brother!). Ken and I, we both applied and it's lots of fun. You should have seen us on our last game – we basically pounded the opposing team into the ground! Wicked, really. I still love playing, it gives me a feeling of freedom, a place where I can be just myself…you understand, do you? _

_You always did. Understand me, I mean._

_So I guess life has become normal again. _

_Well, more or less normal. How normal can life be when you have a blue digimon partner that insists on stuffing himself with sweets? He says he needs it, being a growing digimon and all, but I think he's only being a pig. And afterwards, I have to deal with a hyperactive partner bouncing all over the living room._

_Sigh._

_I never thanked you for the letter, did I?_

_It's just…it really helped me. I can't even begin to understand how hard it must have been for you, writing the letter and knowing that you'd be dead when I read it. _

_Did you cry while writing it? _

_I don't like to think so, but then again, I know that you cried a lot when I wasn't there._

_Motomiyas don't cry. At least not where anybody can see them._

_Let me tell you, I certainly didn't respect that rule. In the first months after your death, I cried so many times that my eyes were hurting constantly. I reckon I sobbed onto everyone's shoulder – Ken's, Hikari's, Takeru's, even Mom's and Dad's. And Veemon, of course, he took the brunt of my tears, but he was always crying with me, so I didn't feel so bad._

_Now that I can remember you without tears springing to my eyes, I can't help but think you knew all along. I guess you must have sensed it that you were dying; and that was why you wrote the letter._

_I don't really blame you. You fought; you gave your best, but in the end, it just shouldn't be._

_It makes me angry and I still think it's unfair, but I don't…well, I don't freak out anymore. You're gone, and nobody is to blame._

_I can even understand what you wrote about being tired. Sometimes, you can grow tired of fighting constantly, just like I grow tired of being strong all the time._

_You were fighting till the end and that's all that matters._

_Writing that letter must have cost a lot of courage. I don't think I would have been that brave. Yet you sat down and wrote those lines, trying to encourage me, trying to help me even though you must have been terrified. I admire that. It's kind of humbling, really, but it also gives me the determination not to disappoint you._

_Don't worry, I won't._

_It makes me feel happy and guilty at the same time. Happy that I meant so much to you, guilty that you, well, protected me till the end._

_Takeru said that's the curse of being an older sibling. That they always worry and look out for their younger brothers and sisters, because… because it's what they do._

_He told me about Yamato and his over-protectiveness, but I never thought that we were that way. I mean, we fought all the time, we had our own lives, and we weren't particularly close. But in the end, we had the same bond between us, maybe a bit rougher and certainly a lot different, but it was there. I guess I felt a bit guilty about it, but then I talked to Yamato (yes, no need to squeal, he's just a normal boy!), he assured me that it was fine._

'_It's the thing with us older siblings', he had said, 'Little brothers might be annoying and sometimes we hate them. Most of the times, we try to ignore them, but when things get really rough, there's this need to protect them, even though they might not want or need our protection. I guess it's just a part of us…and it seems as if Jun took that part very seriously.' And then he ruffled my hair and smiled. 'Sounds like you can be proud of your sister, Davis.'_

_My only reply was a grin. Why?_

_Because I am already proud of you, Jun, and I always have been. You're my sister, and even though you have your faults, you're damn strong, and I admire you for that. _

_Anyway…I wanted to let you know that life has found its way back to me. I still miss you – and I will continue missing you for as long as I live – but I've found my own way. I'm laughing, I'm crying, I'm having fun – I'm living, and that's what you wanted, wasn't it?_

_So if you're reading this, somewhere, then be assured that I'm alright. Your brother is making his own way, and he's using that damn stubborn strength that the Motomiyas seem to have as a trademark._

_I have to thank you for that; for giving me the courage to go on, for writing that letter that kept me going, for being there and guiding me…for being my sister._

_I love you._

_Your brother,_

_Davis._

**Fin.**_

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Thank you all for your unwavering support through this story and sticking with me. I really appreciate it. I hope I didn't disappoint you with this ending – I didn't add any romance because I can't write it, and I wanted to have this story a hopeful ending…because life does always go on, even though it doesn't seem that way. We might weep, we might cry, and we might want to give up, but the world keeps turning…


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